Saturday, August 29, 2009

A.O.K.

What is hope without faith?

What is trust without honesty?

What is courage without bravery?

These days, people seem to think that you can have one without the other. In all of the above cases, as well as many others, it's simply not possible to expect one without the other. In order to receive trust, you must give honesty. In order to have hope, you must have faith. In order to be brave, you must have courage. So, what does this have to do with anything? Simply put: everything.

Lately, I've been feeling both more important and completely insigificant. It's a rather odd combination of feelings, given that one is not usually associate with the other to this extreme...

It all started with Chrissy...

One night, I convinced her to come out to Mac's. She drove me there instead of my other friend and we arrived almost an hour early, which worked out because they sold me my drinking cup early. We had a long and rather repetitious conversation about her and her on and off again ex-boyfriend, but when my other friends and general crowds of people started showing up, the party started heating up.

Eventually, Chrissy told me that she had convinced one of her friends that I had never met to join us. This friend of hers needed a ride, so Chrissy left for a few moments to pick her up. When they came back, I was introduced and immediately jumped into conversation mode, which led Chrissy to inform me that her friend thought one of my friends was cute.

Now, I don't know if there are any feelings associated with that or if it's just a pure shallow and up-front personality judgement, but she seems to like him. However, she also seems to like me. Therein lays the problem, considering my friend does not want to date a younger girl, but he's not even supposed to know that she likes him in the first place, which means I have to sit there in the middle and just sorta' deal wit it.

But anyway, sticking to the point, she says a lot of very flirty things and leads me and others to believe that she is extremely interested in me. Then, she'll turn around and say one or two things that almost seem to completely contradict the initial statements. It's extremely confusing and I have no idea how to handle this, but I do like her. She has a great personality, she's very fun to talk to, she's a wonderful person to be around and she has a lot in common with me. To top it off, she's a very pretty girl with beautiful "Sunflower eyes", as she calls them. They really do look like sunflowers, though! It's crazy!

So, I'm at the point now where I want to just do something romantic, pull out all stops and just get a straight answer from her. I figure, I have not developed serious feelings for her, but I'd still like to know what's possible. She has serious potential to be someone that I can be with and I'd at least like to know what she thinks of me.

Honestly, I feel like I really should move on, but that I should not have to settle. I'm not picky about appearances and I'm a very easy person to please, but it's so god damn hard to find a female who can be honest all of the time and remain loyal over a long-term period of time. Not only that, but I'd like to be with someone who shares a few similar interests. I don't want to be in another sex-based relationship. I also don't want to be a part of any relationship in which I have nothing to talk about. I get quiet sometimes, but it's important to be able to share laughs and at least discuss the day at hand. Too many people overlook such simple things or just don't find most things funny and it's rather depressing.

In summary, this new girl represents everything that I really look for in a woman, although I've only known her for just over 2 weeks and we've only actually spent time together once since our first introduction. We do talk a good bit on a daily basis, though. We both find it almost creepy that we have so much in common, but it's a good thing! It's what keeps us going! It's what makes me consider the possibilities! But anyway...

This blog post is all over the place, although it tells the same story, but I don't have much else to say. Or maybe I should say that I have too much to say, but I honestly don't feel like writing that much. There's a large amount of stuff going on in my life, but I may sit this round out and tell a new story when this arc of my life is over. Either way, wish me luck with this girl!

For now, I'm going to relax, converse and listen to some music while I wait on my Diphenhydramine to kick in so I can get some real sleep. Steve out! Take care!

-SEnter text here.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The one-sided end of a very long journey...

So, there's some rather big news in my house right now. I'd like to say a few things before I get into the details, though...

I know that people have problems and that everyone argues at some point. No person is perfect in the literal sense. When we find that special person, we all lose certain innate abilities in relation to that special person. We do things for them that may hurt us, even bringing ourselves to the breaking point just to make that special person feel loved. In the end, a perfect relationship should never involve such things because both people are happy with what they have. Both people are supposed to be happy with each other and the life that they share. If you have to try that hard in order to make another person happy, then it's simply not meant to be; it's not love at all.

So, that said, I'd like to open this story with a bit of background...

First, I'd like to talk a bit about my brother in-law. At first, I'll admit that he came off as the same sort of person that I would normally avoid. I did not like him when they first started dating. In fact, I thought he was just as bad as most of her ex-boyfriend. When she broke up with her boyfriend at the time in order to start dating my brother in-law, that was nothing new. She'd done that many times in the past. She's had many boyfriends throughout her life and every single one of them was a douchebag. That is, until Justin...

You see, over time, I got to know a bit about Justin, where he came from, what he'd been through and most importantly, how much he genuinely cared about my sister. Every man before Justin either left Amy or got dumped by Amy for all sorts of stupid reasons, but ultimately, she just never seemed to care. Justin actually dealt with all of her problems and tolerated her daily insults. For a very long time, he did everything in his power to make his life with my sister work. He gave her money, spoiled her with gifts and simply wanted time to relax, wind down and sleep every day. They have two children, aged 4 and 6 at the time of this writing and no, Justin has not had much time over the years to really be a daddy. He works very hard and far too often to be the best father that he can be. It's a terrible reality to face, but it's a necessary thing because they need the money very badly. After all, it's not easy to keep up with two kids and a greedy, immature wife.

Moving on, my sister expected far too much out of him. She didn't want to move out, regardless of the places Justin had found. He had an apartment lined up, but my sister did not want to move out because she's too snotty. She refused to have anything less than a house, which they simply can not afford, especially at this point. Instead, she chose to force her entire family to live in our very small basement, as if that's better than an apartment.

Now, I don't claim to know everything, but in my opinion, my sister is at fault for everything that went down. She had been hiding all sorts of credit card bills that she was letting build up. She lied to him about that stuff, let it get out of control, couldn't afford to pay them off and then acted like it was no big deal when she was caught. She cheated on my brother in-law and was going out with some guy from MySpace. Not only that, but she hid it and apparently lied about it, then turned around and acted like what she did was perfectly okay, as if it's a totally cool and acceptable thing to just cheat on her husband. Apparently being a worthless human being is the cool thing to do.

I mean, come on! Justin was never the best person in the world, but he was respectful, for the most part. He did things for his family, he took his son fishing, he gave Amy money when she needed it for the kids and even her own personal expenses. He never really lied to her. He never cheated on her. The only real thing that he did wrong was not be her slave. He took a stand and ultimately, broke free from her deathly hold on his life. He was unhappy. He was never allowed to go out. He was always bitched at if he saw a naked woman anywhere, even if it was a simple nip slip in a PG-13 movie. Amy always assumed the worst and made his life a literal living hell. The worst part is that her and my Mother both think that Justin did all sorts of things wrong. They both genuinely feel that he was equally at fault for the decline of their relationship. I say: FUCK that! Justin did far better than anyone else ever could or will do when it comes to my sister. He even tried to get relationship AND personal therapy for the both of them, but she refused to go. She simply didn't want to and thought that she didn't need it.

In short: My sister is full of herself and my Mother supports her in being that way, yet somehow they think that my brother in-law is at fault for everything. They're just blind and they need to feel like they're in the right, I guess. I don't really know what goes on inside of their fucked up heads, but this is a very sad day for our family. Justin is gone. He left Amy and they're getting a divorce. He finally threw in the towel, told her what's up and just walked away. He's going to try to be a part of the children's lives, but otherwise, this is it. Not only does it make things harder on my sister, who will soon learn what it's like to not have money for anything again, but Justin did a lot for us. He did a lot of cleaning, house work and even paid a few of the major bills. He had no problem at all contributing when he was asked to do so, even when he was "forced" to wake up after working for 16 hours and getting less than 4 hours of sleep. He'd complain sometimes, but at the end of the day, he was a simple man with simple wants that got locked into a relationship with a girl that no man can handle.

In conclusion, although he wont see this for a while, I'd like to say that Justin will be missed. It's grown now to the point that I feel like a real sibling is leaving the family. Our lives are all going to be a lot harder, especially the lives of his children and it's going to be a long time before I can accept another man into our lives as my sister's boyfriend or perhaps even her husband...

The storm only grows more harsh with each passing day and soon, my sister is going to learn what it's like to live a hard life...

There's a whole lot more that simply has not been said, but for now, I need to head out. Thank you for reading this. I don't know what happens next yet, but I'll be sure to post it when I find out. Take care. Steve out...

-S