What is trust without honesty?
What is courage without bravery?
These days, people seem to think that you can have one without the other. In all of the above cases, as well as many others, it's simply not possible to expect one without the other. In order to receive trust, you must give honesty. In order to have hope, you must have faith. In order to be brave, you must have courage. So, what does this have to do with anything? Simply put: everything.
Lately, I've been feeling both more important and completely insigificant. It's a rather odd combination of feelings, given that one is not usually associate with the other to this extreme...
It all started with Chrissy...
One night, I convinced her to come out to Mac's. She drove me there instead of my other friend and we arrived almost an hour early, which worked out because they sold me my drinking cup early. We had a long and rather repetitious conversation about her and her on and off again ex-boyfriend, but when my other friends and general crowds of people started showing up, the party started heating up.
Eventually, Chrissy told me that she had convinced one of her friends that I had never met to join us. This friend of hers needed a ride, so Chrissy left for a few moments to pick her up. When they came back, I was introduced and immediately jumped into conversation mode, which led Chrissy to inform me that her friend thought one of my friends was cute.
Now, I don't know if there are any feelings associated with that or if it's just a pure shallow and up-front personality judgement, but she seems to like him. However, she also seems to like me. Therein lays the problem, considering my friend does not want to date a younger girl, but he's not even supposed to know that she likes him in the first place, which means I have to sit there in the middle and just sorta' deal wit it.
But anyway, sticking to the point, she says a lot of very flirty things and leads me and others to believe that she is extremely interested in me. Then, she'll turn around and say one or two things that almost seem to completely contradict the initial statements. It's extremely confusing and I have no idea how to handle this, but I do like her. She has a great personality, she's very fun to talk to, she's a wonderful person to be around and she has a lot in common with me. To top it off, she's a very pretty girl with beautiful "Sunflower eyes", as she calls them. They really do look like sunflowers, though! It's crazy!
So, I'm at the point now where I want to just do something romantic, pull out all stops and just get a straight answer from her. I figure, I have not developed serious feelings for her, but I'd still like to know what's possible. She has serious potential to be someone that I can be with and I'd at least like to know what she thinks of me.
Honestly, I feel like I really should move on, but that I should not have to settle. I'm not picky about appearances and I'm a very easy person to please, but it's so god damn hard to find a female who can be honest all of the time and remain loyal over a long-term period of time. Not only that, but I'd like to be with someone who shares a few similar interests. I don't want to be in another sex-based relationship. I also don't want to be a part of any relationship in which I have nothing to talk about. I get quiet sometimes, but it's important to be able to share laughs and at least discuss the day at hand. Too many people overlook such simple things or just don't find most things funny and it's rather depressing.
In summary, this new girl represents everything that I really look for in a woman, although I've only known her for just over 2 weeks and we've only actually spent time together once since our first introduction. We do talk a good bit on a daily basis, though. We both find it almost creepy that we have so much in common, but it's a good thing! It's what keeps us going! It's what makes me consider the possibilities! But anyway...
This blog post is all over the place, although it tells the same story, but I don't have much else to say. Or maybe I should say that I have too much to say, but I honestly don't feel like writing that much. There's a large amount of stuff going on in my life, but I may sit this round out and tell a new story when this arc of my life is over. Either way, wish me luck with this girl!
For now, I'm going to relax, converse and listen to some music while I wait on my Diphenhydramine to kick in so I can get some real sleep. Steve out! Take care!