Thursday, April 30, 2009


As I sit here and listen to the tunes of various musicians from around the world, my emotions are starting to pour out. From the most popular tunes of Chris Daughtry to random underground rap, everything just rushes through my brain and eventually, hits my heart, which then in turn opens my eyes to the world around me. This is a state of mind that I rarely get into, but while it lasts, it's time to write. I need to let everything out. Different things over the past month have led me to a few serious realizations that I need to get out. There's no bullshit or funny stories today. There's a serious crack in my heart and it's time to share what's pouring out with those I care about.

Death doesn't bother me. It never has. The loss of someone close to me doesn't even hurt. I admit it, regardless of what I've said in the past. However, it's not because I'm heartless. I love the people I care about and I have a great deal of empathy bound to my genetic code. I don't really understand why, but I don't even usually cry over death. It's just there. However, seeing the dead body of one of my grandmothers in front of my face, laid out in a beautiful coffin, something came over me. I felt as though I woke up. I'd never seen death in front of my face like that before and as enlightening as it was, it felt like a part of me died with her, even though we rarely talked and I never really saw much of her aside from the Christmas season, when just about everyone I know gets together. Staring death in the face, I almost felt like I was going to pass out. I had a mild anxiety attack, but it went far beyond that. It was something I'd never experienced before, but ever since then, I just haven't felt like the same person. I truly can't explain this, as I don't understand it myself just yet, but one thing is for sure: You never know death until you see it first-hand with your own two eyes. Pictures, movies, television; none of that is the same...

To add onto that, I've been a lot more serious lately. I haven't made as many stupid jokes, my Tourette's has been more physical and I've been spending more time with the people who I know care about me. I've also been getting out more, meeting a few new people, focusing on regaining my self-confidence and generally just trying to take care of things. I need to help myself before I can help others...

Which leads me into the next point: Cutting out people who only cause stress. I'm calling a few people out by first name only in order to officially remove them from my life. One of them may read this, but the others wont. Either way, it's time to reveal those who have hurt me...

First of all, my Australian ex-girlfriend. Her name is Kristy and she's a bitch. She's hurt me a good bit and while there's a very large distance gap, I was willing to do what it took and close that gap at all costs for her. She claimed that she was, convinced me to believe some very unbelievable things and ultimately hooked me into loving her. That was probably my biggest mistake of the past few years. I shouldn't have let my relationship with her go beyond casual friendship. She turned out to be a heart breaker and in the end, I found it difficult to remove her from my life. I'm starting to develop that ability, though, which is where this is all leading. I'll explain that in the finale of this section, though!

Next, my other ex-girlfriend. Her name is Emily and she's a cheater, a slut, a liar and a psychopath. She's also a juggalo, but she claims she's "not like the stereotypical juggalos.", which is totally untrue. She lives in Ohio and we were going to be together. We had everything planned out. As with the others, though, something happened and it had to be cut off. I discovered all of the truths about her, including direct proof of everything and shut her out of my life. Eventually, she contacted me again and acted crazy instantly, but then a week or so later, we got talking again and everything was cool. Her and I became good friends again, but she unleashed her psychotic side on me for the last time. I refuse to deal with her bullshit anymore, especially over the dumbest things. She's a big time drama queen and wont take the blame for anything. She's out of my life, but again, I'll get to that.

Now we come to the previous "Girl I like"; the one who broke my heart into a million pieces when I made her a cake the day after Valentine's Day. That, my friends, is Jillian. We'd had a conflict in the past, but it wasn't as bad. She led me on twice, played with my heart, hurt a bunch of other guys on the side and in the end, earned a medal for being the biggest heart breaker that I've liked in recent memory. She really, really got to me and while I'm okay now, I was fucked up for a while because of her. She's been out of my life for a while, but you guys know that already. Still, I had to mention her for the sake of closure.

This last one, I'm not sure if I should name her just yet. I've already dropped her quite a bit on MySpace, ignored a few of her phonecalls and ignored her AIM messages for two days. Either way, it's time that I did away with her. Her and Jillian can go off somewhere and do their own thing. I'll keep to myself and try my best to forget about this one. This, guys and girls, is my supposed best female friend; the one I used to speak very highly of. I did everything with her, told her my deepest secrets and cared for her more than any other human being throughout the course of my life, but she didn't share those feelings and that was pretty much all it came down to. We were fantastic friends; like brother and sister. She didn't really see it that way, though. She lied to me quite a few times, pushed me aside too many times to count, ditched me without saying anything very often and outright ignored me on an almost daily basis. She's the worst offender out of anyone I've ever met, given that I placed my trust into her and in a certain sense, gave her my heart. I never fell in love with her, nor could I ever see her as someone I'd date, but I trusted her enough to guard my heart. She was the one person that I thought I could trust with more than just my life and she broke that trust. Even more than that, she lies to every boyfriend she has and laughs about it, she lies to her parents about nearly everything and she just isn't trustworthy. She denies that she lies, even with proof held in front of her face. She's out of control and there's nothing that anyone can do about it because she genuinely thinks she has no problem. It's fucked up. I don't know exactly how I'll handle the situation with her, but until I figure it out, I'm just going to keep my head up high and ignore her.

Now that it's all in the open, it's time to give you guys the same closure that I've given myself, my ex-best female friend aside. I completely blocked Emily in every way possible and ignored her phone calls. She's done with. I will not speak to her from this day forth. I haven't done so with Kristy yet, but because she hasn't done me as wrongfully as the others, she deserves slightly more remorse and as such, I'll at least give her a nice speech and end it on a good note, but after that, she's also being completely removed from my life. Jillian has been done and over with for quite some time now, however. She tried to talk to me, but I basically ignored her. I sent very basic responses and didn't give her room for a response. Since that short 3 minute conversation, there has been no contact between her and I, although I do keep her on MySpace and AIM. I'll delete all of that information once I'm ready, but for now, it's not necessary.

It's time for a change and the first positive move in my life is to get rid of all negative forces. Once I'm surrounded by friends of a strictly positive nature, I'll move on to the next step. Almost everyone that remains is a positive friend, though, so thankfully there isn't much left to do on this front. Still, it's a bit upsetting to see people who got so close to me disappear from my life. It always is...

I feel very lonely and I need my friends now more than ever, but I need to learn to fortify myself and live on my own. I can't simply rely on everyone else constantly to keep me happy. I need to keep myself happy. I'm still learning how to do that, but games are doing an artificial job for now.

I really wish I were able to see the girl I currently like (yep, she's been upgraded; no point in denying it..I like her). We don't have a chance to see one another often. In her case, it's due to lack of transportation and the fact that she's always hanging out with ehr cousin and best friend. There's no negative reasons and I respect that. I just wish I could spend some time with her and get to know her. She's cute, she's hilarious and she's very respectful. I love how sweet she is and she genuinely cares about people. She has a big heart and it shows. Maybe eventually we'll get a chance to see one another more often. I wont discount her, but I'm finding it hard to get into other girls right now because my sights are set on her. We'll see what happens, as usual.

On that note, I'm done for now. I'm getting rid of people, making new friends and really opening myself up for improvement. I'm starting to become a happier person in general and for me, that's a big deal. Thanks for reading. Take care!


Monday, April 27, 2009

Things to come...

Before I start, congratulations to my close female cousin, who gave birth to her beautiful baby daughter last night. I was honestly upset that no one contacted me, but I'm happy that the baby is finally out. I was supposed to be there when the child was born, but no one called me. She only texted me after the baby popped out. Whatever, though. I'll probably hang out with her and party a bit to celebrate sometime soon, but her and I are quickly drifting apart again because she's an asshole. Moving on, though...

Right now, there's a few things on the horizon, as well as a few ongoing problems that I need to take care of as soon as possible. I'll start with the problems, though.

1 - My ex-best female friend. I need to send her a single message with every single detail about the situation, so that she knows how I feel and that we are no longer friends. She's a very oblivious girl sometimes and if I don't tell her, she'll just assume that everything is okay and pop up one day like nothing is wrong. I'll have to do this sometime soon because otherwise, it'll drag on forever and nothing will come of it.

2 - My Australian ex-girlfriend. I need to seriously block her and remove her from every part of my life. She's no good for me and even if I'd like to salvage a friendship, it just doesn't work. Our friendship is nothing but a series of false hopes that we both cling on to just because we can. I'm able to move on, but I need to grab a hold of my rather large balls, suck it up and do it. If I don't, I'll always have her eating away at me.

3 - My best male friend. We've been talking about things in much deeper, more serious detail lately and he's finally starting to see my incredibly serious side, but he just keeps doing the same bad things over again. He'll learn the hard way, just like most people, but I really wish he'd learn it from me, so that he doesn't have to go through a serious heartbreak. There's nothing I can do about it, though. I just wish I could help more than I currently am. I'll probably meet the girl soon, though. He did say we should all hang out, so we'll see what happens.

4 - Money. I'm not making much cash right now and I seriously apply online and by phone on almost a daily basis to a ton of different places. I've received no job offers at all. Our economy is so fucked right now and it's really hurting my life. There's a small chance that I may have a job at GameStop in the near future when some other guy quits, but that wont net me very many hours or much pay. It's money, though and it's all the same industry, so I'll be happy with that for now.

5 - Girls. I'm ready to start playing the dating game again, but only when I find girls who like me for who I am, the way I am and the things I'm into. I refuse to date some chick who doesn't at least respect my hobbies and interests. I'm working on losing weight, but it's not happening very rapidly at this point. I'm also working on a complete style change, but that's obviously for the better, utilizing the compiled advice from many female friends with honest opinions. The hard part is just finding girls that are worth the time and effort. I don't want to do the online dating thing ever again, unless I meet a local girl through MySpace or something and go from there. And no, the girl I could potentially like doesn't seem all too interested in me. I mean, she does, but she doesn't know me well enough to really take that into consideration and I wont press the issue. I haven't even said anything to her yet, so who knows? If that works out, cool, but I can't rely on that. I have to look at other options and play it by instinct, no matter how much I'd like to date this girl.

6 - Finances. This ties in with my need for a job, but it still deserves it's own brief section. I need to pay off hospital bills and credit, but I'm only paying the minimum amounts on the credit and the hospital bills have destroyed my credit because I simply can not afford to pay them. I owe around $2,000 in total to the hospital, but there's nothing I can do about it until I get a job. It was either fuck my credit up or die. What would you have done?

7 - My room. I need to move everything out of my room, wash the walls, patch up the small hole in my wall, paint the walls, lay down a new carpet, buy and set up wall mountable shelves, buy a new computer chair, buy a new (smaller) desk, buy a new (small) entertainment center, buy a new ceiling-based mount for CRT model TVs, buy a new bedset and curtains, buy a new air conditioner, clean my windows and completely rearrange my current room setup. All of that is a major pain in the ass and a seriously expensive endeavor, not to mention the amount of closet cleaning and organizing that must be done to top it all off. This will come on the side after I get a job. Between this and my finances, I wont have any extra spending cash, but it'll be worth it in the long run.

8 - My games. I currently own 48 retail Xbox 360 games, 87 Xbox Live Arcade games and a handful of stuff for the PSN, not counting the massive amount of PC games and oldschool games that I own. Of the Xbox 360 stuff, though, I haven't actually completed many of my games. I'm working on that, but I need to start playing everything I have before I go nuts and buy more games. By the time my next batch of games is here, I'll break the 50 retail game mark for Xbox 360. Soon enough, I'll probably break the 100 mark Xbox Live Arcade games. On top of that, I need a 120GB HDD for my Xbox 360 because I don't have room for much more. I had to delete my Burnout Paradise 1.7 add-on just to make room for upcoming stuff. If you break it down, I have around 70,000 gamerscore worth of games for the Xbox 360, but my gamerscore is only 16,091. That's factoring in games that I do not currently own, though, which means that there's a massive amount of stuff I haven't really played through yet. This is ridiculous and every time I think about it, it makes me want to play more games. I'm working on it, though and seeing as it's my primary go-to hobby when I'm at home, I'll at least complete every game once through. I highly doubt that I'll go nuts with most of the achievements, though.

8 - My mental health. I have serious anxiety. I need to see the local psychiatrist and get medication before my heart explodes or something. I have anxiety attacks regularly, with a full-blown panic attack from time to time and it sucks. It's really not cool at all.

9 - My physical health. I need to see a doctor about trying a pill form of Asthma medication to go with my inhaler and perhaps some sort of pain medication to help out with my back. It would also be nice to get some better allergy medication and something to help out with my blood pressure, which is naturally high. There's a lot of stuff that I want to get fixed and even if it means taking 20 pills every day to fix various things, I think I'd be willing to make that sacrifice, so long as they're not going to make me loopy or anything. That's why I'd need to discuss it all with the doctor first, of course.

That's everything, aside from the whole license/car thing, but those aren't on the current list. I need to take care of other things before I can focus on a regular monthly bill to pay for car insurance, not even factoring in the cost of a car or the time and money for the driver's ed.

Despite all of that stuff, there's a good amount of stuff to look forward to. I have a birthday party to attend this weekend, as well as some quality drinking/gaming time with my Uncle. There's also Otakon this July and Ocean City in August. Then we have the inevitable 4th of July party at my Grandmom's house, which is always a blast. There are plenty of slick graduation parties coming up, a few random massive parties, followed by huge Halloween and New Years parties later in the year. Aside from all of that, I'll be going out with friends fairly often to bars, cook outs and general indoor social gatherings. Even more still, there's a good amount of great video games coming out this year, some of which I should be getting to review, which makes the releases even sweeter. I'm really looking forward to "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2", "Assassin's Creed 2" and a few others, but there's plenty of stuff to go around, for sure. To top the whole thing off, I'm making more new friends every day and I've never been more confident in my entire life. This is a fantastic year and this summer is going to be the best one yet.

So, friends, I leave you with a toast, to the future and the things we all must overcome to better ourselves and be happy. Take care!


Saturday, April 25, 2009


Between my Uncle and a bunch of my friends, I haven't really had a weekend at home to myself for about a month. That is by no means a bad thing and I've thoroughly enjoyed myself, but I'm officially broke, especially after the few recent purchases that I made.

Last night, I went out to a bar around here that I'd never previously been to. The place was all right, but most of the people there were a bit older, so the atmosphere was a little weird. There was a karaoke DJ there with a very nice selection, so our group made the place a lot better last night simply by singing better music and the best part is that all of us can sing well, so it didn't sound like shit. I received two phone numbers last night from friends I'd been meaning to get in touch with, drank a few beers, had a few shots and just generally had fun until we all parted ways for the night. My brother was inches away from getting lucky, but he intentionally didn't bring condoms just so it wouldn't happen. I think he's still somewhat strung out over his ex, which could prove to be a fatal flaw. He's already broke one girl's heart in the past because his ex came crawling back, so who's to say he wont do it again? Only time will tell, but I hope he has a clear mind going into this whole thing before he pisses off a lot of people, myself included.

During the previous week, I basically just sat around and played video games, talked to friends and relaxed. I did a fair bit of gaming for the sake of journalism, which almost always makes me happy. Lately, most games have been at least "okay", so there hasn't been a dull spot aside from the game "101 in 1: Explosive Megamix" for the Nintendo DS. Never fucking play that game. It's absolute garbage.

I've spent a lot of time talking with both of the ex-girlfriends who reappeared a while back. One of them is pretty accepting of our status, but the Australian is definitely somewhere in the middle. It hurts to talk to her to an extent and truthfully, I wish she would seal the deal and just leave me alone just to force me into a corner, so I can't talk to her anymore. That's not to say that I don't enjoy our time together; I do, very much. I just know that she's bad for me and if I let her pop back in and out of my life as she wishes, I'll never be able to get over her properly. Plus, she's been hell-bent on coming out here to visit me sometime within' the next year and she's been very interested in talking to and spending time with me. I don't know what her deal is, but I hope she figures it out. I'm tired of being left in the dark.

I was labeled as "The Ladies Man" in a friend of mine's MySpace picture. So I asked her about it and she genuinely thinks that of me, apparently. I was expecting something like "The Tall One" or "The Funny One", but nope! Me, of all people, right? I'm a ladies man. Apparently it's true, though. I've been going out so much with these people that they're rubbing off on me and it just boosts my confidence to such an extent that I let it all hang out. I go for the gold, to put it simply and it seems to be working just fine.

I have a few reviews to take care of, both of which I'll probably take care of today, but aside from that, I'm pretty sure that this entire week is completely free of work. I really wish that we were getting more stuff in, but hopefully it picks up soon. There's been a bit of a dry spot for us lately. Things are picking up slowly, but I just hope it keeps improving. We're hopeful, but ya' never know.

Next weekend, I'm crashing with my Uncle again, getting drunk as balls, gaming, going to see "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" and then heading out to a cousin's birthday party at CiCi's Pizza. Yet another fun-filled weekend is on the horizon and this weekend isn't even over yet. Who knows what's in store for me tonight or tomorrow?! Hopefully something awesome!

I still haven't talked to my ex-best female friend. That title is official at this point, seeing as she makes no effort to keep in touch with or hang out with me. For someone who claims to be such a close friend, she sure does a bad job. The simple fact of the matter is that she lies all of the time. She has a serious problem and she needs to get it under control because it hurts people pretty badly, especially because she denies the lies almost every time, even with legitimate proof hanging in front of her face. She also doesn't care about many other people. She's very selfish and self-centered and I'm pretty sick of it. Even my family is pissed off at her, but whatever. I guess that chapter of my life has come to a close. I can hang out with people who actually want me around and make me feel like a human being, so it's all good!

The only other bit of news I have today is the list of games I recently picked up. Of these, I've played through several on PC and I've at least played the majority of the others, aside from three of them. Still, I missed having these games and now that I can afford to build a collection, I'm doing just that. 2 more games that I think are worth owning and I'll be at the 50 retail game mark for the Xbox 360! 87 for Xbox Live Arcade right now! It's time for a new hard drive, I think! Anyway, the games I picked up are as follows:

Condemned: Criminal Origins
Condemned 2: Bloodshot
Forza Motorsport 2
Infinite Undiscovery
Marvel Ultimate Alliance
Soul Calibur IV
The Last Remnant
The Orange Box
Unreal Tournament III

Not bad, huh? Considering I basically got half of these for free, thanks to the latest "Buy 2, Get 1 Free" used game sale at GameStop! Next purchase: 120GB HDD for the Xbox 360.

Anyway, there's absolutely nothing else to talk about right now, so I'm going to play a bit of those games I need to review and then perhaps get to the writing sometime today. In between all of that, I'll probably play a bit of MGS4 or "Haze" and maybe some more "Soul Calibur 4". For now, Steve out! Take care!


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Something I just don't get...

Aside from gaming, all I've been doing is talking to (very few) people, masturbating and the daily essentials, so there isn't exactly much to discuss, but there's one thing I just don't get...

My Australian ex-girlfriend's motive. What the fuck is it? She randomly popped back into my life yesterday and turned on her webcam, played piano for me and said she's planning on booking a trip to come here for a visit sometime near the end of next year with a tentative date of "some time in November". Why the hell would she have this sudden change of heart? Where did this come from? Also, she hasn't spoken to her previous ex-boyfriend for around a month. To top it off, we shared a lot of laughs and she seemed genuinely interested in everything I said. This is extremely confusing because I really don't want to be in a relationship with anyone who lives so far away, but that's not even the only reason. She's very two-faced and while my feelings still flare up for her every so often, I have this deep-seeded hatred for her now that I just can't explain. It exists and there's nothing I can do about it. Regardless, I just don't understand her and I genuinely have no idea what the hell is going on inside of her head. Maybe she's just lonely lately. Maybe she's desperate for real attention. I don't know, but she has plenty of guys chasing her who would kill for a chance to be with her. So why, then, has she not taken one of them up on their offer? Why is she still hounding over me? And then, why does she just completely forget that I exist for a while? I don't know, but my head is going to explode just thinking about this.

That's all I have to say for now, but hopefully I have more to talk about later tonight. Oh, and for the record, "Chuck" is getting better by the week, while "Heroes" is starting to lose it's flare. I seriously hope that Peter gets his full powers back by the end of the finale. If not, something seriously epic has to happen, other than someone just being killed off, within' the first 2-3 episodes of the next season. I'm starting to lose interested more and more. :/

Steve out. Take care!


Sunday, April 19, 2009

Long weekend!

Friday morning, I went to Mom Mom's funeral. After that, I went home, packed my things and put $40 cash in my wallet in preparation for the following night.

As planned, I crashed at my grandmother's home, which is where my Uncle and a few other family members live. We spent our night playing games, for the most part. There was also a whole lot of laughter, as is always the case when my Uncle and I are together. When he went to bed, I had trouble sleeping. Honestly, I've had a total of around 9 hours of broken sleep since Thursday night. I'm fucking exhausted, especially given how active my weekend was on top of that lack of sleep. Still, I did get to eat a gigantic mound of seasoned steamed shrimp and my grandmom's home made potato salad, as well as a fresh garden salad with home made ranch dressing. I can't really be unhappy, between that and..well, read on and you'll see!

While I was over there, another friend of mine invited me to go out on two occasions, but I politely declined because I already had plans with my Uncle. It was worth it, for the most part, although there was a bit of a dull spot, which was most of Saturday. My Uncle and I went out about a half an hour's drive so that he could get his finger prints redone for a public commision license. That took around 3 hours in total and then when we arrived back at my grandmom's house, he had to head out and pay his respects to the daughter of his boss, who died recently. I understood and everything was cool. Regardless, that was all made up for by our trip to Mahaffey's Pub in Canton.

It was better than either of us had expected. First of all, this place has a very good mixture of modern music and one hell of a family oriented atmosphere. The bar tender, cooks and even the regulars all welcomed us and every other newbie with open arms. Not only that, but they loved us for our sense of humor, our serious appreciation for good beer and our love for extreme hot sauce. I tried 6 different beers, while my Uncle tried 4 different beers, all of which were absolutely amazing. To be honest, I don't think I even want to drink beer at home anymore; Mahaffey's beer selection is just that good. The owner also takes very good care of his taps and airways, which is a serious benefit when we're talking about high quality beer.

Next up, we have the prices and selection. There are well over 100 different beers at this place, of which around 20 are on tap every week or so. They vary in potency from as low as 3% to a shigh as 18%, but the real star of the show is the variety of flavors from around the world. Everything from the fresh, crisp flavor of bananas to the deep flavors of pure ale and mead; Mahaffey's has it all. And at what cost? Serious beer enthusiasts know that you can't put a high enough price on a great drink, but Mahaffey's owner is one such enthusiast who makes it easy on the wallet. Happy hour is every day, including Sunday from 5pm to 7pm and you get 30 oz of beer spread out in 3 cups. Not only that, but you can pick a seperate flavor for each cup! And to top the deal off, as if it weren't already fucking amazing as it is, it's only $4! Four US Dollars. That's right, folks. You read that right! 30 ounces of pure paradise for less than the cost of a cheap dinner.

So, we've covered the star of the show, but what about the food? Good beer goes best with good food and let me make this clear right now: There's no shortage of top notch food at this place. We had an order of 10 very meaty hot wings with extremely hot sauce (even more so than "Predator", for those of you who know of it!). Before that, though, we tried something very unique: Garlic and rosemary fries. Yep, ROSEMARY on FRENCH FRIES. Can you believe it?! We sure as fuck didn't, but we were pleasantly surprised. By the time we finished eating, we were buzzin' nicely, filled to the rim and our mouths were on fire from the sauce, which we apparently ate far more of without pussing out compared to anyone else who's tried it before. I suppose we really are at the top of the chain when it comes to hot sauce.

We had such a good time that we had almost a sort high on life, aside from our beer buzz. Instead of going home, I actually went to hang out with him for another night. That part turned out to be a bit of a let down, admittingly, but we had fun for what time we did spend hanging out. We were supposed to stay up all night and game, but he wound up falling asleep around 10:30pm, which left me up all night by myself, seeing as I can't fall asleep right at my grandmother's house because my back hurts and my allergies go nuts. She has 3 cats, so that pretty much sums that whole thing up.

I woke up, got ready and left around 10AM. When I came home, the package of my latest batch of games to review was here, which should be fairly exciting, given that there aren't any terrible things in this batch. Aside from the lack of sleep, the only really annoying thing that happened was my own fault; I left my cell phone in my Uncle's car. He's dropping it off here tonight, though and when he does, I'm lending him "Tales of Vesperia", since I forgot to get it out and let him take it when I was over there.

So that was my weekend. I had a great time, I avoided my immediate family for a few days and there was nothing to worry about for the entire weekend. Weekends like that rarely come along, so I basked in it while I could. For now, though, I'm going to go take care of a few things and then start picking away at the latest batch of games. Until next time, Steve out! Take care!


Thursday, April 16, 2009

RIP Mom Mom; Massive update

Today, there's a whole lot of stuff to discuss. From a death in the family to the deepest thoughts of my heart and mind, I'm a pretty fucked up guy right now.

First and most importantly, the only remaining grandparent I have on my step father's side of the family has passed away. My step father, whom I may as well just call dad because he's the one who raised me, just lost his mother. The rest of their family lost a grandmother, sister, an aunt; just about every family branding that can be thought up. She passed away on April 14, 2009 at the age of 70 due to what I believe was a case of spinal maningitus, which apparently spread to other parts of her body. From what I was told, her kidneys failed first and everything went completely down hill from there. The doctors tried everything they could to bring our loving grandmother back to her feet again, but there just wasn't anything that could be done. She was destined to pass away starting the second she entered the hospital. I'll miss her, as will everyone else in the family. She was an extremely loving and caring woman who opened her arms to just about anyone. She tried her best and successfully held that entire family together for the entire duration of her life. She deserves many awards, for that was surely no small task. She'll always be in our thoughts, never to be forgotten by the tides of time. Mom Mom, may you rest in peace forever. We love you.

On the same subject, the viewing is today. My immediate family bailed out and left me here at home, despite the fact that I made it very well-known that I would not miss this for the world. I don't have an address and I have no transportation. There's virtually nothing I can do. I've been making phone calls all day, but so far, no one has made any effort to get me to the viewing. I'm extremely frustrated, but I have just under five hours left, so I may get lucky at some point. But still, even if I do make it, I don't know exactly how I'll react. I've never been to a viewing or a funeral before and honestly, as much as other major family deaths have impacted me in the past, I've never been able to see the bodies. I've never had to look into the face of death and accept it with my own two eyes. Sure, I have far less closure because of that fact, but it was completely out of my hands in every case. I never even saw the ashes of my own birth father because of his sister, but that's a dark story that I'll save for another time. I'll post it to my other blog when I get the chance, but now just isn't the time.

One thing's for sure, though: I'll be at her funeral tomorrow morning if it's the last thing I do. My Uncle is going and from there, we're going back to my other grandmother's home for the night and the following day. He said that he would make sure I get to that funeral, even if he has to come pick me up himself. He agrees with me on every front; I shouldn't have been left home today. It's fucked up. Still, I'll see her off one last time. I don't follow any sort of religious belief structure because I know far too much about them to fall for the traps that they set, but the entire family believes in the Christian faith, God and Jesus Christ. For all intents and purposes, I don't fit in. Still, I'll see her off to Heaven, which is where she believed she would go when her time came and honestly, I hope that she's right. She, of all people, deserves to go to a much better place. As much as I know that those relgious beliefs are false, I'm still agnostic at heart and someday, when I pass away, I'll cross my fingers and hope that there truly is something grand after life here on Earth and if there is, I'll hope that I can see her and everyone else we've lost when I arrive.

Moving on, though, seeing as I haven't got all day, that girl that I helped hook my brother up with has really been spending a lot of time with him. In fact, I have reason to believe that he had sex with her last night. They went out to TGI Friday's around 9:30PM, but he didn't come back home until close to 4:00AM. It's my belief that he's moving far, far too fast with this girl. We don't know her all that well just yet and while my first impressions were awesome, I currently dislike how hypocritical she comes off as.

You see, my brother told me that this girl complained about me sending her tons of text messages. There are two problems with that. Problem one: she initiated half of the conversation and chose the topics at various points. Problem two: She didn't complain and went along with it, answered my questions and even asked me questions in return. You can't fucking complain about that when you're playing along. If she had a problem with it, she should have said so. Besides, how was I in any way, shape or form doing something wrong? She gave me her phone number, told me she texts a lot and even told me that she was excited about making new friends like my brother and I. I was rather annoyed when my brother told me that, given the circumstances. I like to talk and when someone keeps the conversation going, I'm going to reply. It's called "being a nice guy" and "learning more about people who may be potential good friends". Whatever, though. I haven't sent her a single text message since I found out about that and I'll keep it that way. Fuck that noise.

That brings about a point, though! My ex-girlfriend recently had a series of very deep conversations with me, discussing our relationship together. I was drunk at the time of the first conversation, but what I said was still true. I love her and if circumstances were different, we may have been together, but it just wont work that way. She's all into that other guy and she lives a bit out of the way. We also can't forget the fact that she's extremely slutty, which I didn't actually say to her because I'd rather retain friendship because she's still a cool chick to talk to from time to time. Still, I'm extremely annoyed with the way she's been acting about this whole thing. One minute, she's telling me how much she loves me and flirting with me like I'm the only person with a penis left alive, all while putting this other guy on the spot in order to talk about how she's not "sure about him" and how she doesn't want to be with him. But then, the next minute, literally a part of the same conversation, she's telling me that she wont be home for a few days because she's running off with this other guy. She didn't come out and say it, but I know how she is. She'll fuck his brains out, snuggle up, watch movies, get romantic and just be a girlfriend-like figure while she's there. After she comes home, though, it's back to her old ways. She'll most definitely come running to her horde of men, which includes me of course. When she does, she'll go right back to flirting, making ridiculous jokes, blaming everyone else for her problems and begging us to come visit her with promises of sex and good food. It's pretty disgusting, but that's why I'm trying to keep it platonic. I really hope that she listens to me and believes me when I say that. Otherwise, I'll have to cut her off, for real.

I suppose this should be considered good news, but I'm having a hard time feeling that way about it: My Australin ex-girlfriend hasn't been a part of my life for more than a combined total of roughly a single hour for the past two months or so. We've had very short bouts of conversation, but I just keep gradually being more and more of a dick to her. Eventually, I'll straight up call her a cunt and block her or something. I don't usually do that, but I can feel that sorta' thing building up right now. I don't know why, but I feel a crazy, deep hatred building up for her that I can't really explain. I just want her to rot six feet under. As morbid as that may be, it freaks me the fuck out. I've never felt that way about someone, especially given that she didn't do anywhere near anything as bad to me as other people have in the past. Oh well. I'm sure it's just a phase and that once she's completely out of my life, I'll stop feeling so negative about her.

On the subject of girls and potential relationships, I haven't talked to the girl I could potentially like very much recently. I hope my previous conversation, which was initiated and followed through by her best friend, didn't ruin our friendship. She's awesome and yeah, I'd like to date her at some point, but I'm more than happy with her friendship if it comes down to that. She's an awesome girl with a great sense of humor; what's not to like? Still, I'll give it a rest for a few more days without texting her, then I'll see if she's up for spending some time together next week some time. Chances are, she'll be busy hanging out with her cousin or something, but I'll try anyway.

Speaking of which, my supposed best female friend still hasn't made any effort to contact me. She said "happy easter "/" in a single text message, to which I replied "Happy Easter." and that was it. I haven't said much else to her and I refuse to make contact with her or chase her like a god damn wild animal. We're supposed to be friends. That's not how it works. The sad part, though, is that I'm getting used to not having her around again. I never thought this would happen, but I can't say that I miss her right now, either. I'd rather be left alone than jerked around. Maybe one day she'll pull through, but I highly doubt that'll happen unless she's ever single again. Such is life.

Again on the subject of best friends, one of my best male friends has been acting really weird lately. Ever since he got together with his most recent ex-girlfriend, he's been a douchebag. He's been very disrespectful, rude and uncaring. He acts as though no other problems are important. I've been there for him and I've done my best to bring him out of fits of depression. Not only that, but I always help him dissect every situation with an open mind and together, we reach logical conclusions and honestly, it's never failed us thus far. He always ends up happier and life goes on. But recently, the night that my grandmother passed away, I was very upset and I went to him to talk about it farther. I told a few people about it, but he's the one I chose to really discuss the subject with. I felt like I had to let it all out before my head exploded. When I tried to talk to him, he basically just walked off and ignored me. When I confronted him about it the following day, he gave me an attitude about it. So I laid it on the line and told him the truth about how I felt in relation to his recent attitude. He actually came through, apologized and after we went over all of the details, he went to sleep. Truthfully, I hope he doesn't let this ruin our friendship. He's done things like that before with other people, so there's no telling what'll happen next. I guess I'll just have to reassure him a bit and let him know that he's still a great friend and that I appreciate his apology, among other things. We'll see what happens when it happens, I suppose!

While I'm at it, I'd like to take a moment to release a little bit of honest frustration. During that guy's last relationship, he constantly blamed his girlfriend for everything that was going on. Every time they had a problem, he would tell everyone and essentially convince them that she was the problem, which ultimately led to even more fucked up emotions and their eventual break up. Throughout all of this, I kept telling him that he was just being far, far too jealous for unjustified reasons. To give you an example, any time she went to sleep without saying good night, he'd freak out on her and start an argument that would potentially last for an entire week. He blows everything up to be a huge problem and makes those problems seem far worse than they really are, then places the blame on everyone else. The reality here is that he's at fautl just as much as the other involved parties in nearly every situation. That said, he's a good person and I'm not trying to defame him or make him out to be a bad guy. He just has a lot to learn, ya' know?

Straying away from the whole relationship topic for a while, I've been having a lot of anxiety and panic attacks lately. I don't really know why, although it could just be thanks to bent up aggression, frustration and loneliness. I haven't had as much healthy conversation lately, not in person, over a messaging program, over the phone or via text messages. The past few days have felt pretty damn bland. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever be able to make any new healthy friends or develop any real relationships with any new females. I'm also starting to wonder if I have a real future, despite everything I work towards right now.

I have no license, my health situation is pretty damn bad, I don't make any money, it's nearly impossible to find a legitimate job right now in my locale, I've been having more trouble breathing lately, my sleeping schedule is fucked up again, CG seems to be off-beat lately, friends seem less interested in me, I've been having weird phases of sickness that only last for a few hours, my heart is growing cold, I can't lose weight no matter how hard I try; honestly, I could keep going with this "PITY ME NOW!" list forever, but the simple fact is that my life sucks right now. I'm not the only one who feels that way, I know, but that doesn't change the facts. I'm trying, though! I've been trying my best to reach out and meet new people, find a normal job on the side and work on my health situation, but there's only so much I can do. I can't force the cards I want to be dealt to me, so I have to play a bit of the waiting game on the side. Maybe someone out there will help me, who knows?

Anyhow, let's move on to what I've been doing for the past few days. Aside from a complete playthrough of "Rise Of The Argonauts" for the Xbox 360 and the newest episodes of "Chuck" and "Heroes", there hasn't been a whole lot going on since Monday. My family and I have just been trying to deal with the passing of Mom Mom, so I haven't really felt like doing a whole lot. The guy I usually avoid did come over the other day, though. We hung out and played "Rock Band 2" a lot, talked a bit and considered getting drunk, but didn't go through with it because the Yuengling wasn't cold. Yuengling is one of those beers that I absolutely wont drink unless it's ice cold and fresh. However, under those conditions, it is without a doubt one of my favorite things to drink, period. When my buddy left, I basically just sat around doing a whole lot of nothing all day. I played "The Darkness" for Xbox 360 for around two hours, messed around a small bit in "Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare" and re-organized my game stack by category. I've been trying to make PCSX2 work better all day, but it's an emulator and as such, it just isn't perfect. I think I just need to break out the good ol' PlayStation 2 for some authentic gaming instead of doing it all on my PC. I really wish that my PlayStation 3 was backwards compatible, though.

While we're at it, the videos of the Japanese "Final Fantasy XIII" PlayStation 3 demo are all over the internet. The graphics are extremely impressive for a console title, the voice acting is stellar and the characters are actually somewhat unique this time around. I'm a bit annoyed by the mechanics and one of the characters, but there's not much I can do about that. The biggest problems I have with the game are the odd summoned creature styles and the very simplified combat system. Instead of MP or anything else, Square Enix dumbed the entire thing down to a series of time-based actions. You have a bar that drains based on what you choose to do, but otherwise there are no limits. If you have the strongest spell or technique in the entire game, you could in theory use it every single time your bar is filled. Sure, that seems balanced by the fact that you could also choose to perform many smaller attacks or spells in the same amount of time, but really, we all know how this series works. The strongest stuff is always so much better that it breaks the game once you've obtained whatever said strongest stuff may be. Now I'm not saying that this game is going to suck, but Square Enix better really balance the game out and make the story absolutely amazing or I'll be sorely disappointed. This is the first game that I've been excited for that's been developed by Square Enix directly since the days of the original PlayStation. If they mess this one up, I'll be pretty pissed off. Cross your fingers, guys and girls!

I'm going to wrap this up soon, but before I do, I'm warning you now: There probably wont be an update for a while. I have plans to hang out with my Uncle practically all weekend, where I'll probably grab more Zyrtec and a fresh supply of eye drops for my Dry Eye Syndrome. He already gave me a month supply of Zyrtec and tons of Pataday, which more or less eliminate my allergies when combined. I've felt pretty damn good as far as general allergies go since I started taking them, which was Easter Sunday.

As Porky Pig would say, Th-th-th-th-th-that's all, folks! I'll drop by again when I get the chance! Steve out! Take care!


Sunday, April 12, 2009

Zombie Jesus Day

I may not be religious in any sense of the word, but Easter is one day that many people celebrate strictly because of the traditions that come with the day. As such, I celebrate it with an open mind and enjoy every second of time spent with my family throughout the day, even if I don't get along with some of them. I suppose that's normal; family is never perfect. Anyhow, today was eventful in several ways.

First, I was hung over as shit from my time last night at the bar. My brother paid for my "all you can drink" bracelet and I went nuts. You know that already, so I wont re-tell that story! But the hangover did make my day extremely rough for a good while. I had a splitting headache, the world was spinning a bit and my pupils were so fucked that my eyes burned every time any remotely bright shined towards them. I also only had around 5 hours to sleep, considering that I had trouble sleeping for a bit before I actually drifted away. My mother stormed upstairs and woke me up in time for Easter traditions, which meant I had to rush out the door for the trip to my grandmother's house. I had no time to change clothes, bathe or otherwise collect myself before we left. To put it lightly, it sucked balls.

Next, an ex-girlfriend of mine called me and we talked for a while. She was actually rather nice about it. She was making sure that I was okay after last night. Apparently the whole world knew that I was fucked up last night. Either way, we had a decent conversation before Easter dinner.

After that, I tore through two gigantic plates of absolutely delicious food. There were tons of options, so I just ate them all. Fuck choices, right? Who can make that kinda' choice, anyway?! During dinner, I was given a box of home made peanut butter fudge from my grandmother, as well as a few home made peanut butter eggs. Seeing as it's one of my Aunt's birthday, we also had some very delicious white cake with amazing vanilla icing.

When I finished tearing apart that massive amount of food, I called my ex-girlfriend back and we talked for around twenty more minutes. We just sorta' talked about my night, Easter and life. It was nice, for a change. I was happy to have a conversation with an ex-girlfriend who wasn't trying to get back together with me.

During all of this, I was also conversing with my Uncle and somewhat with other family members. We discussed video games, made some ridiculous jokes and hid the Easter eggs for the kids to find later in the day. They loved the hunt, of course, although it didn't last very long. One of my cousin's tried to cheat and I think it helped her a bit too much. She saw where we hid most of the eggs and went into the hunt acting a bit too greedy. We did try to re-hide some of the eggs, but I don't think those efforts helped very much.

Anyhow, my Uncle and I made plans for next weekend, talked about hanging out even more often and just generally bullshit our way through the day because we were otherwise pretty damn bored. We entertained each other pretty well.

Throughout the day, I also sent a bunch of text messages to the girl I'm trying to hook my brother up with. She's a really cool chick. I think she'd work well with my brother, although I'm not sure if she wants him as much as she wants me. I'm confused. She seems more into my personality, but more into his appearance. I don't really know what the hell is going on. I hope she doesn't try to date me. I may have to turn on dick mode to a mild extent just to make her lose interest in me if so. I don't want her going for me. The entire goal is to get her together with my brother! Such is life, I guess.

And that, friends, was my Zombie Jesus Day. Eventful, but rather serene overall. I'm feeling very good now, although very tired and still unbathed, but those are the next two things on my list of things to do. I hope that you all had a wonderful Easter. I leave you with this:

Cyanide & Happiness: Zombie Jesus Day

Steve Out! Take care!


Saturday, April 11, 2009


That's right...

Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch

For all of you pussies who don't know what this means, the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch is now being served again at select Burger Kings across America. Go buy one, eat it and be a real man!


Girls, beer and one hell of a shy brother

To say that the past few days have been rather interesting would be an understatement. The quickest way to sum it up would be the following: Lots of open conversation, a trip to the bar, a few nuisances, a brother with extreme social anxiety and a bunch of alcohol. However, that's not how I roll, so let's get on with it!

Over the course of the past few days, I've been conversing a whole lot with my non-Australian ex-girlfriend. We've been getting closer again and I admit that I've been flirtatious, but only harmlessly so and she knows it. I don't want to be with her and she's content not being in a relationship with me. It's a complete and honest two way street, but that's why our flirtation is so damn fun. We mean nothing by it and it makes for ridiculous conversation sometimes. That's not to say that I don't mean what I say, but I want nothing to do with her in a real sense. We're just friends and that's how it's going to be.

I've been talking to my best male friend over the course of the past few days and he's struggling to deal with some issues, but it seems as though he'll be fine. The real reason that I brought him up, though, is that I'm extremely happy to see him somewhat regularly again. All of the problems he had with my household have been resolved, after tons of reconditioning and help. He had no issues with me, but he was very annoyed by my family for absurd reasons. He even admitted that those reasons were stupid, but it's just how he is. He makes me proud, though. He's learning to cope with things and be a much better person. In due time, he'll be well on the road to happiness.

There's been an infection of sorts developing in my right ear. I think it's an infection, but it could just be a stupidly high amount of ear wax building up, in which case I'll need to take yet another trip to the doctor to get my ears checked out. They'll hand me antibiotics, eardrops and instructions on how to make the ear wax loose. It would be much simpler if they'd just use the ear cleaning water gun thing that I keep hearing about from other people, but they never do that for me, despite the fact that it takes two minutes and gets the job done instantly with minimal effort on both ends. Such is life, I guess.

The Xbox Live cable that came with my Tritton AX Pro headset has a very obvious short in it, so I'll need to contact Tritton sometime in the near future for a replacement. It's not the end of the world, though. It still works. It just shorts out randomly from time to time and makes crackling noises sometimes. A replacement cable would surely fix the issue, considering I've tested every other part and cable. There's not a single other problem with the headset, so it's all good. Tritton's customer support is widely known as one of the best and most servicable teams in the world.

My supposed best female friend is up to her usual games, ignoring me constantly. I don't have much else to say about that. I'm just done with her. I tried one last time to get her to hang out last night and she didn't respond to me until I called her out on ignoring me. When I did that, she responded almost immediately and said that she was out watching a movie. However, she couldn't have been out watching a movie all fucking week. I've been trying to contact her constantly, but she never replies and there's always an excuse for it when she does decide to respond. I'm done, though. From here on out, I wont talk to her unless she's physically nearby or makes the effort to contact me on her own. I also wont allow myself to be walked on anymore. I wont be going with her to the doctors or grocery shopping; none of that bullshit. If she wants to hang out, we're hanging out to have fun. I'm not going with her to do something that clearly only benefits her just because she doesn't want to be alone. It's a waste of my time and she always drops me off at home immediately afterwards. Most of the time, she doesn't even thank me for going with her. Go figure, right? Oh well. It still hurts, but I'm so used to it that it'll be easier just to forget about her and move on with life. If I really mean anything to her, she'll come around and realize what she's done.

I cracked open "Mass Effect" again and messed around with a bunch of Xbox Live Arcade games recently. Perhaps I'll play "Mass Effect" for more than two hours this time. We'll see, I suppose! Oh, also, I broke the 15,000 gamerscore mark! I'm finally making decent progress by simply playing the games I own that I've pushed aside for so long. I'm pretty sure that I'll easily break the 30,000 mark in due time. By the time I hit that mark, I'll be the third person on my friend's list in terms of gamerscore. Of those three, one is a cheap achievement booster, so I don't really count about half of his gamerscore because it's all dumb stuff, like the two minutes of work required for the achievements from "Avatar: The Burning Earth". He has every achievement in the "Hannah Montana Movie" game, for fuck's sake. Ah well. I guess there aren't many people who actually play games for fun these days. It's rather unfortunate!

With the general news out of the way, it's time to move on to bigger and better things. For starters, yesterday afternoon opened a door. This door was opened by sheer coincidence and I'm quite worried about the impact that it could have on my relationship with the girl I could potentially like. See, I was talking to the girl I could potentially like through text messages, as usual, but her best friend started texting me eventually instead. The girl I could potentially like was off with her mother preparing and cooking dinner, so her best friend was bored and decided to text random people on her phone. Apparently I caught her attention because we talked for quite some time and she asked some very random questions. One thing led to another and eventually, she had me listing all of the things I like about the girl I could potentially like and ultimately, I straight up admitted that I like her, but also that I don't know if she could be attracted to me in that sense. I also informed her that I was embarassed and that I didn't want that information to cause any problems or awkwardness between the girl I could potentially like and myself. She told me that she'd erase the messages and keep what she'd learned to herself, but I don't know what really happened. I was drunk by the time the girl I could potentially like came back and there wasn't much conversation going on. She fell asleep eventually, but I'm worried about this. What happens next? I don't know. I'll find out soon enough, though.

All of that was going on both before and during my night out with friends and my younger brother. My younger brother asked me if I wanted to go out drinking with him, which wound up happening. Long story short, he convinced me that we needed to go out and I eventually agreed. I asked a few of my friends if they felt like hanging out, but none of them wanted to go out because they're all a bunch of pansies who would rather sit inside every day of their lives. While I was talking to the girl I could potentially like, I prepared myself for the night, dressed properly, ate some pizza for dinner and listened to random music at an obnoxious volume.

Eventually, we left and headed out to meet up with the other people that my brother invited. Two of them are friends of ours, but the other two are a couple of friends that I wasn't very well-acquainted with. They're very nice people, though and I enjoyed hanging out with them.

When we arrived at the first stop of the night, we immediately started knocking back a few drinks. We all talked for a good while, shared a few laughs, rocked out with random music and just had an all around good time. After about an hour, a friend of the people I'd just met showed up. This girl was someone I'd never met in the past, but she looked quite familiar. I discovered why later; she's worked at my favorite pizza shop for a combined total of five years. At any rate, she kinda' kept to herself for a while, but the fun started after we moved to another bar.

We headed on out to "Memories", which was a terrible idea, but one of the girls knew somenoe who worked there, so that was pretty much the end of the discussion. Everyone else wanted to go to "Christina's", but I suppose that'll have to wait for another night. After we arrived, everyone, myself included, was trying to convince my brother to talk to the pizza shop girl. She's fairly attractive and seemed like quite a nice person. Apparently, half the reason she was invited in the first place was for the sake of meeting my brother. See, he has extreme social anxiety when it comes to meeting new girls. He doesn't know how to ask questions or be funny. He needs outside influence; lots of it. We essentially forced him into talking to her, although only briefly and I stepped in to get her phone number. By the time pizza shop girl went to bed, I was on her good side and well on my way to convincing her to give my brother another chance. Thanks to me, she'll be at the party we're both attending tonight and she knows the secret to my brother's anxiety. All she has to do is keep talking to him and ask him questions until he warms up to her. Hopefully it all works out! I'm hopeful, at least! Oh, just for the record: By the end of the night, no one wound up trashed, but I personally did get pretty damn drunk, given that I drank a shit load of Yuengling.

The moral of the story: Grow some fucking balls. Rejection is completely normal. No matter how talented, well-endowed, charming or attractive you may be, rejection is more common than acceptance. No one is everyone's type and if you think for one second that you'll go your entire life without being rejection, you've lost your fuckin' mind. If you have a fear of rejection, all I have to say is this: Get the fuck over it. It sounds heartless, but it's true. We've all been there and the only way that you'll ever meet that special someone is to plow through a bunch of rejections until you hit that one acceptance that changes your life forever. Rejection is normal. Deal with it. No, my brother wont ever see this, but he knows how I feel. It drives me nuts that he's so afraid of rejection, but whatever. I love the kid and one of these days, he'll learn.

Now that I've let all of that out of my system, it's time for me to go get ready. In a few hours, we're off to celebrate one of our friend's birthday. He's the husband of the girl I knew last night and we're going to their house for a simple, but long-lasting cookout with both casual and close friends. I'm excited, given that it's been a while since I've had such an eventful weekend. Thanks for reading. Steve out. Take care!

EDIT: I forgot to point out that my close female cousin almost went into labor. They made phone calls and told everyone that she was in labor, but they sent her home because she's not ready yet. She's only at 2cm. They need to stop jumping at it every chance they get. I'm also rather disappointed that they never called me. I had to ask her about it myself three hours later. I was supposedly high up on the call list. I guess not, though. Oh well. Her and I haven't talked much for the past two weeks, anyway. I don't know what's up with her, but maybe it's for the best, given how she treats me when I'm around.


Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Boring, boring, boring...

Nothing has been going on. At all. I went out to Cici's Pizza Buffet, relaxed with my Uncle and played two PS3 games, but that's all I've done since the last post. Oh, and I can't forget the fact that one of my best friends dropped by for a while. We had some good conversations, laughed a bit and just relaxed. Still, there's always an emotional barrier that has to be broken down every so often and as such, I need to unleash my feelings before I go nuts.

My Australian ex-girlfriend dropped by and we talked for about five minutes before I said "BRB", then disappeared. I didn't bother saying good bye and I didn't make any excuses at the time. I apologized when I woke up from my extended period of sleep, but that was very brief and I simply don't think I care about to let her relationship stick as a part of my life. It's time to let go of her.

My other ex-girlfriend has been seeing this guy she likes, fucking his brains out and prioritizing him above everyone else. I'm not trying to get back together with her, but I expect some degree of respect, ya' know? It's not cool when she hangs up with me in an instant just so she can talk to this guy on the phone for four hours, then fuck his brains out all night. The worst part about this is that she says she loves me, gets frustrated when I don't say it back and them blames me when I call her out on all of this. It's driving me crazy and as much as I like having her around for the sake of a stable friendship, this one just isn't working out, either.

Then there's the issue of my supposed best female friend being an asshole. She had me go with her to a clinic to get yet another free STD/HIV test because she insisted, despite the fact that she's had a dozen tests of the exact same variant done with happy results, that there's still a chance she has HIV. I'm sorry, but results don't fucking change overnight. Every time she does this, she wastes both her time and the time of whoever goes with her, not to mention the money it costs her and/or her father for gas or doctor bills, depending on where she's going. It's out of hand and we're all sick of it. I hope this is the end of that and that she can bury the god damn hatchet and be happy for a change. What's more still, though, is that this isn't even the worst of the problems I have with her. She'll call me, talk for a bit, have me go with her to one of these doctor visits, then ignore or avoid me for a few days. She'll do the same thing with virtually anything else. She's even hanging out with her two best female friends today and she's actively attentive with them, but when I send her a message, she ignores me. What kind of BULLSHIT is that? Am I chopped fucking liver? Seriously? I'm really starting to lose my patience with her. I've said that fifty times by now, but I'm really on the verge of just walking out on her. This friendship is becoming more trouble than it's worth and as much as I love the girl like a sister, she obviously doesn't feel the same way. I'm honestly starting to wonder if she ever did feel that way, or if she just used me to fill a void for attention when she had no one else? I don't even know, but she's far too self-centered and assinine for her own good and frankly, I've had enough of it.

I've had a shitload of trouble finding a job lately and while I'm doing some freelance writing on the side, that isn't making as much money as people assume it does. I'm starting to apply to places like The Pennysaver, with the hope that I can find an office close enough to my living area. I've also applied to places even as terrible as McDonald's, but I've received no callbacks and every single time I make an effort to apply in person or call them instead, I get denied. My review skills are just fine and they always seem to want me, but I get the "overqualified" notion every god damn time. I'm getting extremely pissed off about that. Where am I supposed to find work in such a fucked economy if I'm overqualified for every god damn job I apply for?

I'm going to go play some more "Disgaea 3" and relax for a while. I'll write whenever the need strikes. For now, Steve out. Take care!


Saturday, April 4, 2009

What an interesting turn of events!

The past few days have been interesting, to say the least; very spontaneous.

After April Fool's Day, I basically sat around doing absolutely nothing for a day. There wasn't much going on at all. I hadn't talked to very many people and I surely didn't do much gaming at all, aside from about two hours of "The Dishwasher: Dead Samurai". I've had nothing to review since the last batch and I needed a break from gaming after "Resident Evil 5" sucked the life out of me because I truly felt as though no other game could compare for a while. That phase is over for now, though and I've been starting to play my other games a bit more than usual as a side effect. I'm basically trying to feel each game in my collection out, in a sense, so that I can really figure out exactly what I'm in the mood for. I think I could use a little bit of "Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare" if my buddies ever log on, but they've been absent for a good while, so that simply isn't as enjoyable. "The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion" could be a safe bet, since I do own all of the DLC for Xbox 360 and I've only done everything in the PC version, which means I need my Xbox 360 achievements. That could take a while, though, although the achievement list is pretty easy to fill out. It's just a time consuming endeavor, that's all.

Anyway, the guy whom I usually ignore due to his disrespect for my things and selfish/pompous attitude came over during April 2nd, but we didn't really seem to enjoy each other's company very much. I kept getting on his case because he was, as usual, being disrespectful. I'm a neatfreak about my video game stuff and I like to take good care of my controllers, unlike most people, so they last a long time. Well, using this as an example, he was eating very greasy potato chips and using my limited edition red controller while doing so, which is a damn near brand new controller. I told him not to do that with any of my controllers, much less that one, but he didn't listen and said, "It'll be fine." and just kept on playing. I had half a mind to break his nose and throw him out, but I just waited until he left the following morning and wiped the controller down. Oh, and on that note, he's one of those people who "hits" buttons instead of "pressing" them and when he "hits" them, he does so really hard, so there's always a loud snapping sound. It's no wonder he breaks all of his god damn controllers so easily, but he always yells at me, making claims to that he doesn't hit the buttons that hard. Now you tell me, considering he breaks his controllers all of the freakin' time and complains about it, doesn't logic dictate that he doesn't fucking know how to take care of them? Whatever. The point is, he's a jackass and I don't want him over here for a long while...again.

What happened on April 3rd and most of April 4th was a half-direct result of my buddy being here, but also the result of my own conversation with an old DDR buddy of mine. My buddy and I were supposed to go to my old DDR buddy's place and hang out with the gay crowd, quite literally. Him and all of his friends are straight up gay and they even live in the gay district of Baltimore: Mt. Vernon. At any rate, my buddy went home instead and I went along with the gays for what was supposed to be a "Rock Band" party. I met a whole lot of new people while I was out there, all of whom were pretty cool and I also had the chance to get reacquainted with another old DDR buddy, whom was always a fantastic guy. He's hilarious and quite fun to be around. Before we went out there, though, we dropped my buddy off at his place because he was in the process of building up to a seizure and we wanted him to be in the comfort of his own home. He could have caught the bus and we were going to make him do that because he was being an asshole, but due to the whole epileptic seizure thing, we decided to drop him off at his place. Neither of us know how to handle a seizure situation, either, so it was best all around for him to be at home, where his room mates and girlfriend could take care of him if need be.

Once we arrived at Gary's place, I met his first room mate, whom we all call "Fairy Cakes" because he is, without a doubt, the "Queeniest" gay guy any of us have ever met. He's so gay, in fact, that the gay guys call him gay. He's a very nice guy and he means well, though, so whatever. After a while of playing around with "Rock Band" on my old DDR buddy's PlayStation 3, we went to hook up my Xbox 360 instruments because I brought it all with me. Little did I know, however, that my buddy who crashed here with me played "Rock Band 2" while I was asleep and didn't put the disc back in the case. Instead, it was sitting at home in my Xbox 360 console, which meant that I took all of my stuff to my old DDR buddy's place, we set it all up and were getting ready to rock out, but we were sorely disappointed. We played it for a brief while on Xbox 360, but eventually we unhooked it and Fairy Cakes went into his corner to fuck around on his computer while we played some "Beatmania IIDX" iterations. After a good while, Fairy Cakes left and went to handle a few things, so my old DDR buddy played some "Street Fighter IV" on his PlayStation 3 while I watched him both kick ass and lose for over an hour. Later, we left and went to pick up his other room mate, who is the exact opposite of Fairy Cakes because it's hard to tell that he's gay at all. His personality just seems more like a middle-aged nerd and he doesn't really have a "gay voice", "gay walk" or anything else like that. He's a normal nerdy dude that just so happens to like cock. From there, we grabbed the guy I got reacquainted with and met up with another one of my old DDR buddy's friends at a buffet by one of my local malls. I had no cash, so my old DDR buddy willingly paid for me. I'll get him back for it eventually, but I was hungry as shit and hadn't eaten anything at all throughout the day, so I pretty much had to accept it or simply not eat. We went back to my old DDR buddy's apartment after that, where Fairy Cakes and his two female friends were waiting for us. From there, we played "Rock Band" on the PlayStation 3 for a long time, but then the guy I got reacquainted with drank way too much and caused all sorts of drama. I honestly don't feel like explaining what happened because it's just too much bullshit, but the short version is pretty simple: He was fucking drunk as balls. He was being very obnoxious, got very angry over very stupid things and ultimately tried to leave on his own while in that state of mind. We turned off the video games and messed with a girl who was prank calling one of Fairy Cake's friends for a long while, but eventually we resolved everything with the drunk guy and went to bed. The next day was entertaining, although it was only the previously drunk guy, Fairy Cakes and the other friend of my old DDR buddy's sitting around and conversing. It was great conversation, but once they all left, I was alone for around an hour and a half. And before they left, everyone bought food, but because I'm currently broke, I couldn't afford to eat, so I was just counting the moments down until I could leave at that point. When my buddy came back from work, we waited for around 2 hours, after which he took me home.

I wound up on my doorstep around 5PM, after which I made some food and went upstairs to my room. I was winding down for the most part and while I did turn on the Xbox 360 for a good hour or so of "Rock Band 2" with both the guitar on expert difficulty and the microphone on medium difficulty, at the same time of course. I talked to my Uncle on the phone for a bit, then eventually fell asleep. I took some Aspirin, drank a bottle of Mountain Dew, used my Albuterol USP inhaler and popped three Diphenhydramine pills. See, the problem here is that I took Aspirin a good while before using the other medication, which means my blood was very thin, so the medication was effectively twice as potent from that alone. When you factor in the caffeine from the Mountain Dew, it's disgusting. I was tired as shit and could barely move once the Diphenhydramine kicced in and my heart was racing so fast that I felt like I was going to die. It sucked, but hey, you live and you learn, right? No more Aspirin for me unless I absolutely need it for something very specific.

I've been quite entertained for the past few days, but damn! This has been one hectic weekend! I talked to my supposed best female friend a bit, as well as the girl I could potentially like and we're all supposed to hang out again soon, but I don't know if that will even work out. It depends on my funds and if they keep in touch. My supposed best female friend stopped responding out of nowhere again and the girl I could potentially like is camping, so she's too busy to actively converse, which led me to the conclusion that I should leave her be until she's back at home.

All told, it's been an interesting time and I've learned a lot about the gay community of Baltimore, but a few things still bother me. I haven't heard much from either of my ex-girlfriends, both of which are off doing their own thing. My Australian ex-girlfriend hasn't dropped by to say anything to me for about a week now, which is odd for her, but I suppose it's for the best. As for my other ex-girlfriend, she's busy fucking around with this guy she knows, but she doesn't want any sort of relationship with him. She's still being flirty with me and the rest of the world, plus she's still as slutty and funny as ever. She makes me laugh and I do enjoy my conversations with her, but for the love of all that is holy, I wish she'd stop saying that she loves me. When I don't say it back, she flips out on me. It drives me nuts, but whatever.

I'm going to go play some of "The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion" until I get bored, so I'll be back with more updates another time. Take care!


Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Holy shit this is a long blog!

Aside from a little bit of gaming, I haven't been doing all that much for the past few days. I lead a rather boring life these days and I'm starting to get rather curious about a few things...

First, I went over to my close female cousin's house yesterday for around 8 hours. I planned it so that I didn't have to stay over there for the night because my allergies go nuts and I wake up with a really sore back. While I was over there, I played a bit of "Resident Evil 5" with my cousin, so that I could witness her supposed amazing ability to play the game. Well, she sucks balls. She's absolutely no good at the game what-so-ever. How she ever thought she could pass herself off as a fan or an elite gamer for this long, I have no fucking clue. She sucks at every game I've thrown at her and honestly, I knew it was a crock of shit from the beginning, but I was expecting at least the standard casual gaming ability, you know? Simply put, she's the biggest poser I know and it's not just because of this video game shit, either. She claims she's a Juggalo because she listens to the tunes of Psychopathic Records artists and goes to "The Gathering" sometimes. She also hangs out with a few Juggalos and while I admit that I'm not exactly a fan of their antics, none of them are really Juggalos. I think the whole Juggalo concept is bullshit and absolutely retarded, but if they want to be a part of it, by all means, go for it, but when you're a poser? That shit's ridiculous, no matter what it's about. And what's even more killer about her is how she "poses" as a lesbian. Yeah, she has sex with girls and yes, she's had a handful of girlfriends, but she still fucks men, obviously. She's pregnant and is due anytime from now until the end of April. She claims she has no interest in men at all, yet she got knocked up and it was legitimate. She's also apparently not as "proud" of being a poser lesbian as she claims to be. She never tells her parents or anyone she can't trust and therefor she's still "straight" in the eyes of most of the family. I don't know how she's managed to hide such a supposedly big part of her life for around 6 years when she's had such supposedly serious relationships with females, but everyone's clueless aside from myself and two other people in the family. And another thing! She claims to have done all of these crazy recreational drugs, which includes ridiculous stories of mixing coke, heroin, meth, pot, liquor, acid and shrooms all in one "cup" and drinking the mixture. The list of stupid shit that this girl lies about is endless and I'm fed up with it. I'm debating ratting her out for being "lesbian", among other things, but I don't think I could go through with that. The simple truth is this: As much as she lies and "poses", she's still my cousin and it would cause a massive dump of drama throughout the entire family if I let even one of these things out. Through their eyes, I'd also somehow be at fault. But whatever. I'm just going to stop hanging around her as much. I'll probably stop talking to her as much, too. Ultimately, I'll hopefully be able to phase her out just like I did the first time, only this time, it'll be permanent.

Next, my supposed best female friend is at it again, but then, I don't suppose she's ever stopped. In truth, I feel like I was just a guy who was there to fill some sort of void when she had no one else who really cared about her. All of this time, I've held her to the utmost standards and I've done everything in my power to help keep her happy. I've ditched people and left them at my residence late at night, even as late as 4AM, just to go sit in the ER with her for three hours when nothing was really wrong that couldn't be fixed by a simple trip to her normal doctor in the morning. I've spent a bunch of money that I really shouldn't have spent, just to feed her something she wanted, even though she had plenty of food at home. I let her "buy" a Zune from me without actually giving me the money, but when it broke? I took it back without forcing her to pay me and then tried to sell the parts on eBay, which didn't actually end up making me shit for money. I totaled out with around $40, when I would have made $130-150 had I sold it as a brand new Zune. I've listened to her cry, I've done research for her, I've helped her with serious problems; I've been a real fucking friend. In return, she walks all over my friendship and treats it like it's an unimportant piece of an unimportant puzzle. I'm always pushed aside, she always avoids responding to me unless she "has" to, she doesn't spend much time with me at all, she doesn't seem enthusiastiic at all when she's around me, she doesn't laugh much when she's around me; I could go on about this forever, but you get the idea, I'm sure. She'll take and take everything I throw out there, but she wont even return the favor with a simple gesture of basic friendship. She always claims that she's busy, but then I find out that she's really hanging out with her boyfriend or her other two female friends. Hell, just yesterday, they all went to the mall and I wasn't invited. It used to be that I was invited first, then everyone else was invited. Now, I'm not even an afterthought. She even claimed that she hates playing games, but then she'll go and play "Fatal Frame" games with one of her friends straight through until they beat it. Not only that, but she was "excited" to go play "Guitar Hero: World Tour" with the girl I used to like whilst babysitting for the girl I used to like's family. None of her words make sense once they've all been placed side by side and the reality is just that she lies to me all of the time for the sake of not accepting the blame. I'm done accepting the blame and I'm through with her bullshit. If she really values my friendship, it's time for her to grow up and stop treating me like a god damn animal. Anymore, I don't even know how I feel about keeping in touch with her. It hurts a whole fucking lot every time I think about this. I've rambled about this to countless people, including my best female friend herself and even her other friends. There's no real solution to the problem, so I think it may really be time for me to let go and move on. This is a lost cause and unless she pulls through, wakes up and opens her eyes, I'm done with her.

My Australian ex-girlfriend hasn't even dropped by or sent a single message over the past few days. I'm pretty sure that she's being a hypocrite. I did to her exactly what she did to me. Let me paint the picture for you...

During the evening here, which was early morning for her, she logged on and initiated a conversation with me. She asked a few questions, acted silly for a bit and showed off her cute side for around five minutes, but then just stopped responding to me. She had her webcam up, so I could see her typing and laughing about things sent from other people, among other things. It took her between five and ten minutes to respond to even the most basic questions and when she did respond, it was consistently a one-word answer. So, I did the same thing. I stopped talking to her, then eventually I said, "I'm going to go for now. Cya." and just logged out. I cut off communication at the drop of a pin, just like she always does to me. She's used that almost exact line, almost word-for-word, countless times. She talks to me until other people show up, then she pushes me aside like I'm chopped liver or something. So, that's the end of it. I sent her a few messages since then, which she'll get when she logs in. One of those messages included the fact that I was freaking out about stuff going on with my body. I told her that I loved her and that if anything happens to me, I want her to remember that, which is true. I'm cutting her out of my life, but hey, love is love and when you love someone, there's always a part of them branded into your heart, even after you part ways. In summary, she's gone. Even if she tries to contact me, she wont get an answer. If she does get an answer, it's not going to be something she likes. She'll quickly learn that it's time, once and for all, for us to part ways. My Australian ex-girlfriend will remain exclusively as a faded memory soon enough.

The other ex-girlfriend has already hopped from one man to the next, despite being incredibly flirtatious with me and the rest of the world. She acts like the entire world is at fault for her own problems, but the reality is that she's the cause of everything going on in her life. She told me every situation in it's entirety without sugar coating and I seriously have no idea how she can possibly blame other people. Her most recent ex-boyfriend took a trip to get away for a month because the girl is fucking crazy, but he lied to her about it. He made up stories to cover up the fact that he was just taking a break for a month or two. She found out about it by being a psychotic bitch and going through his e-mails and once she discovered that he lied, it was over. She was already fucking some other dude and is already practically in love with him. I'm pretty sure that she has no idea what love is. She's just desperate for attention and refuses to admit that her shit stinks. Still, I could understand breaking up with someone for leaving her like that, considering the slew of lies and such, but moving on like that? Blaming the world for her own problems, when she's the one who caused him to get away like that? Psh. She's an asshole and she needs some serious help, which is funny because she's a Psychology major. I think I may need to stop talking to this girl, too. It's actually starting to seem as though I may be better off keeping just about every female I know at bay, at least for the time being.

There's also a supposed friend from long, long ago whom has been giving me a bit of a headache. I'll call her my "stripper friend" because that's what she's been doing for a living for the past 7+ years. I met her in middle school and back then, we used to hate each other. We were both at the bottom of the chain back then and we were both considered social outcasts. After a few years of insulting one another on a daily basis, an ex-friend of mine re-introduced me to her and we resolved our differences. See, I've always had feelings for her, even back when we were immature and constantly ripping into each other with a slew of insults. She never knew it and she never felt the same way about me, but those feelings are a major part of the big picture, so keep that in mind. Moving on with the story, we didn't really talk after that. I had no way of really getting in touch with her anymore because my ex-friend started being a complete and utter douchebag. I lost touch with him after a very quick period in which I phased him out, then I damn near forgot about my stripper friend. That is, until one day when I was at GameStop shopping for a while. I didn't recognize her at first because I wasn't paying any mind to the people around me. I was focused on the massive selection of games at my fingertips, trying to decide which game (or games, as the case may be) that I was going to play next. When I went up to the counter to check out, she walks up behind me and initiates a conversation, standing alongside her boyfriend of the time. After that, I wound up with her number and her e-mail address. Things went uphill from there for a while. We constantly talked over the phone. Not a day went by in which she wouldn't call me. Eventually, I had to start calling her because she started trailing off a bit. Then, out of nowhere, she seemed to have disappeared. I didn't hear from her for months on end, until one day she gives me a random call and starts pouring her heart out to me about how she has such a bad life. Since then, we've been very "on and off". We never talk on the phone and when she's logged into any IM clients over the internet, she's very unresponsive. She's flaky at best and hasn't spent any amount of time with me for a few years now. The only thing I know about her at this point is that she's been seeing this guy on and off for a long time now, just like her past boyfriends, and no matter how much he hurts her, she wont let go. I've told her I love her and I've straight up asked her if she would ever want to be with me because I'd show her how a real relationship is supposed to work, but she always ignores it. I've given up on trying to make anything more than a basic friendship out of my standing with her, but our friendship is even up in the air right now because it's hard to keep a friend who doesn't want to be kept. We'll see what happens, but I really don't see her and I being friends for much longer. She's going to wind up getting into some sort of crazy situation and disappearing, only this time it may be forever.

I've been ignoring one of my best friends lately, but I think it may be time to clean up my room just a bit and have him over again. I think my break time from him has come to it's end. I'll just have a serious talk with him about respecting my property and call it a day. Maybe he'll listen this time. If not, I just wont respond to him again for a few months. I may actually give him a call today and see what he's up to.

It's been a few weeks now since I've seen one of my other best friends, whom I used to go to "Buffalo Wild Wings" with quite frequently for a brief period of time. He tries to get in touch and he makes an effort to hang out somewhat, but generally I just don't spend much time with him because his personality is annoying as fuck. He's the guy who talks about sex and chicks nonstop. He also insults my taste in music, games and just about everything else. When someone disagrees with his opinion, he can't accept it. He has to force his opinion upon others and if you don't agree with it, he'll get angry and cut things short. By that, I mean he'll drop me off at home earlier than expected, as one primary example. I can't really have a conversation with him because we only agree on like two subjects, as far as I can remember. It's ridiculous and it just makes things stupid. I don't know how he and I ever managed to hold our friendship together for so long, but I'm assuming he'll be a thorn stuck in my side forever. He's a great friend, but he's a difficult person to be around. I wont be getting rid of him, but I had to get that off my chest. Hopefully I'll see him sometime in the near future. Perhaps I'll have him and the two other friends of mine that he knows all come with me to hang out at some point. Maybe I'll get my Uncle in on it and we'll all head out to The DuClaw for a night of drunken fun. We'll see what happens, I guess!

Speaking of my Uncle, he dropped by recently so that I could modify his PSP, but my Pandora Battery is broken. I believe that I wrote about this before and I pointed out that we were trying to game share, but he has yet to drop me his information so that I could get his games on my PS3. He already has mine and he downloaded the games, but he still hasn't set me up with his stuff. We tried once, but he forgot his password, apparently, so he has to get it changed or reset. I guess it's not really his fault, but I was looking forward to playing "Castlevania: Symphony Of The Night" via PS3 for the sake of having it dominated on every console that it's been released on. That's the only version I've yet to complete, even though they're all identical anyway, aside from the Sega Saturn version. Oh well, though. Maybe I can get other people to game share with me in the mean time. I'd like to try out more of what the PSN has to offer, but finding people who are willing to let me use their account for game sharing is a difficult task. I've only asked one other person, but he's reluctant to let me use it because I don't have any games he really cares about on my account. That's understandable, considering I'd be the one benefiting almost entirely from the game sharing, but it woulda' been nice to try out some of what he has. Maybe I'll drop by the CAG forums and see if people on there are interested in some game sharing. Who knows? I might get lucky!

The girl I could potentially like hasn't been all that interested in me. We've barely talked to one another and when we do talk, it's very brief. I don't ever know what to say because she doesn't give me any sorta' setup and there's no way I can grab her attention. She's a very easy girl to please, but she's not into most of what I am, it seems. I've relaxed a bit, although I definitely want to get to know her better, but it's difficult to do that when she never wants to hang out with me unless my supposed best female friend is around. In her case, that's more understandable because she's only really hung around me two or three times. She doesn't know me very well and she's a bit shy around people she's not all that comfortable with. I'll probably cut back on my communication with her just a bit to keep things simple, but we're supposed to be joining my supposed best female friend and her boyfriend for their 5th month anniversary celebration, although it's a bit ridiculous that they're making such a big deal out of it. We're all supposed to be going out for dinner and a movie. I'll probably go, provided I can afford it, but we're set to do this tomorrow evening sometime. I told them I'd go, but honestly, I haven't really made up my mind yet because of all the drama going on.

I haven't talked to my original "Resident Evil 5" partner for a week or so now. We were actively talking to one another and getting all buddy-buddy for a few months, but he just sorta' disappeared. I think he's just busy with school, "Final Fantasy XI" and other random stuff, but I miss him. He's a great guy and we have a lot of fun gaming together. I'm sure he'll turn up soon enough, though. He always does!

My room is a complete and utter mess. Something has to be done, but there's no way I can do it alone or even while other people are home. I need to unhook and move everything outside of my room and into other places while I clean it up, which is impossible because we have no room for my stuff anywhere else. It's a paradoxal situation that's driving me insane. Once I get the energy, I'll at least clean it all up and pack lots of shit away in the closet, but I can't really dust it, vacuum it or rearrange it by myself. That just isn't happening. Maybe I'll down a few energy drinks or take a bunch of caffeine pills once I'm fully awake today and see how much of it I can get done. I'd like to have an organized living area again, after all!

One of my friends now lives down the street from me for the time being. His girlfriend and her family took him in because he was having trouble in a few ways where he was living previously. This is somewhat exciting because we can hang out more often once I've cleaned my room up. He's a very cool guy and perhaps we'll set something up in the very near future. Liquor and video games sounds like a classic guy's night in and I'm sure we can make it happen!

A friend of mine that I originally met through Avatar, which is a text-based game I used to play obsessively during my younger years, is having a bit of trouble with his finances. He tries to keep in touch and we talk just about every day, but when we try to game together, there's just nothing we can play. He's trying to get "Resident Evil 5" and "Saint's Row 2", but his funds are a bit low right now and so he can't pick up either of them just yet. Hopefully he sets himself straight and works everything out, though. Even without those games, I care about the guy and he needs to get back on track. I'm sure everything will be fine soon enough in his case, though. One thing's for sure, though: When he does finally get "Saint's Row 2", we'll have one hell of a damn fun time together.

My very good friend from Florida hasn't been very active in relation to me lately and while I know he's just spending time with real-life friends and keeping himself on top of school related things, I just miss him. That's a very obvious recurring theme right now, of course, but I genuinely miss him and my other good friends. I'd very much like to game with this guy, but he doesn't have much money and isn't into all of the same games that I am usually. Hopefully we'll get to play some "Left 4 Dead" or maybe some good ol' "Halo 3" together soon. If not, maybe some "Rock Band 2". We'll see!

I've been thinking a lot about the friendship I used to have with one of my ex-best friends from California. He went on and on about how we're family and he kept saying he'd come move out here to get away from there and all of this other shit. This was even after we'd stopped talking for a long time, then got re-acquainted, which happened several times. We were close friends and we did help each other out with some shit here and there. Out of nowhere, though, he just removed me from his friends on MySpace and FaceBook and stopped responding to me on every messaging program out there. I don't really know what the fuck happened, but I know he's around and active. I assume that he just got super addicted to working out and playing "World of WarCraft", which he was starting to get addicted to anyway, but seriously, what the fuck? Why would he just up and remove me from his life like that? I didn't do anything to justify that much of an extreme reaction. I was always there for him and I tried my best to get him involved in things, but he kept being a dick about everything. I don't really know what his deal is, but I guess I should be glad that he's gone. No one needs people like that in their life, right? Right?! I hope I'm right because I really hate feeling so bad about this situation, even though this all happened a few months back.

I helped my sister repair her Wii, which she has yet to ship back out to Nintendo. She kept procrastinating and put it off until someone else did the work for her, but I gave in because I'm a nice guy and a few days ago, out of nowhere, I had the sudden urge to check Nintendo's site for her. When I did, I had her bring me her Wii console, typed in her Wii's serial number and found out that her Wii is under full warranty still, which means she's eligable for a full repair. Her Wii has had serious disc read errors for several months now and she just didn't even bother to do anything about it. She'd complain to no end and bitch about how she misses having a Wii because she played it nonstop, but she wouldn't even go to the god damn website and type in a fucking number. What a lazy bitch. She's always an asshole and I get fired up just talking about her, but I'll save that for another time. Rest assured, I'll get to it one day and when I do, you'll be reading all day about how much of a bitch she is to everyone around her.

The job market is dead around here. I've been applying to shitloads of places using "SnagAJob", which seems to work just fine for plenty of other people, but I can't get hired anywhere. I just want a part-time job so that I can pay off all of my credit debt, as well as all of my backed up hospital bills. After that, I'd like to save up for a car, pay for all of the necessary crap to get my permit and license, then see where I go from there. I have a plan, but I need a part-time job to go through with it. If anyone reading this has any advice, information or even a connection that could simply get me a basic job, regardless of the work field, please contact me immediately and let me know what's up. I'm desperate at this point!

I'm pretty sure that's all I have to talk about right now, but holy shit that was a lot of stuff. I didn't realize how much stuff I had on my mind until I scrolled back and took a look at what I just wrote. Such is life, I guess. Steve out. Take care!