Monday, March 30, 2009

RE5 update, plus random thoughts.

I'm rank 59 now. It's pretty damn exciting! We're going to be attempting to shave off more seconds later tonight, I think. I'm also just about done with my "Bully: Scholarship Edition" achievements. There are two achievements left, but I believe that the second will unlock just by finishing the requirement for the first. Once that one's completed, I suppose I'll play more "Saint's Row 2", grind zombies on occasion in "Left 4 Dead" and crack open "Banjo Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts".

In other news, my friends are awesome, but a bit more distant lately. My best female friend arranged to hang out all weekend, but simply ignored me again. We were set up to go to the movies last night with her boyfriend and the girl that I could potentially like, but she just didn't say anything. Saturday, she sent a message, talked for about five minutes, then just stopped responding out of nowhere again. I'm on the verge of simply letting her be the one to initiate contact and in fact, I think that's what I'm going to do from now on. Fuck it, ya' know? Why should I always have to be the one to do it all?

On the ex-girlfriend side of things, it seems as though the problems never end. My Australian ex-girlfriend just hasn't been around since I last told her what was on my mind. If you don't recall, I straight up told her not to talk to me if she's going to be a horse's cock. Of course I didn't call her a horse's cock, but I should have. I did send her another message to tell her that a part of me will always love her, but that I have to let that go. I just wanted her to know that in case something happened to me, though. I was freaking out over the crazy weird head-thumping and light-headed stuff. It doesn't seem as bad right now, so we'll see. If it happens like that again, I'm off to the ER for sure.

My other ex-girlfriend has been extremely sick, as you should know by now, but she's discovered that she's allergic to one of her antibiotics, so now she has to spend her last $11 on gas money to get to the hospital, even though she's low on money, low on food and has a kid to take care of, all because her friends are assholes and treat her like an animal. She doesn't seem to toss these friends aside, despite all of that, but whatever. There's a lot more to it and I know she'd be alone aside from like two people if she got rid of all of her "bad" friends, but it's still no way to live. She may be an insane slut, but she really is a nice person and she does try her best to make people happy.

My close female cousin has been busy and never bothers to really talk to me or set anything up. I'm pretty sure that I'm the guy she invites over when no one else is available. I'm like the backup plan to the backup plan. Every so often, someone will show up when I hang out with her, but it's almost as if it's unexpected and she doesn't want me there. I don't know how to explain it, but it's all about the way she talks to me and how she carries herself in relation to me.

There are a few friends who I know exclusively through the internet, at least for now, but all of them seem rather distant lately. That even includes the people who I actually allow access to this blog. Everyone just seems uninterested in having a real conversation these days. Who knows? Everyone has a reason, but it all just seems really weird. In particular, though, a friend of mine from Florida just disappeared for the past few days. I don't know why, but I'm assuming he was just busy or out all weekend, so it's not a big deal. I guess, to put it simply, I just feel like I have nobody because of my lack of real-life physical attention. I'm lonely as shit. I miss my friends, both in real-life and the ones who seem distant over the internet. I do actively speak to a few people and no, it's not as though I only have two friends, but the biggest problem is real-life friendship. Everyone insists on staying home and those who would actually do things have been assholes lately, namely my supposed best female friend.

Anyway, I'm going to stop before I turn into a broken record all over again. There's honestly not much else to talk about right now anywa, so I'm done writing until I have more to say. Take care!


Sunday, March 29, 2009


I'm officially rank 198 out of 330k+ on the "Resident Evil 5" Normal difficulty leaderboards. The friend I did this with is rank 199, respectively. He followed my instructions, learned what to do, followed my lead and because we make a fucking amazing team, we destroyed everyone..without even trying. I can't even imagine how high up we'll go once we get serious about it. I just had to let that out. :O

Take care!


Saturday, March 28, 2009

The past 2 days...

Today's blog is going to be in a simple list format because I don't feel like writing seriously right now. I'm too worried, on edge and fucked up to care.

1: Yesterday, I hung out with my best female friend and her boyfriend. We just drove around checking out prom dresses, came to a conclusion and then dropped by my place so I could go home.

2: I got my copy of "Fallout 3" back.

3: I started working on achievements in "Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection" last night...

4: ...I finished them this morning. A total of about 4 hours of work was put into that 1,000 points. I'm very disappointed, but at the same time, relieved. Now I can just enjoy the games for the sake of oldschool fun without worrying about achievement hunting.

5: I helped a friend get his "Infinite Rocket Launcher" in "Resident Evil 5" and also helped him through about half of the "Mercenaries" stages. We broke my old record together. Apparently, he's better than my original "Mercenaries" partner.

6: I tried to help my Uncle mod his PSP, but my Pandora Battery is broken. Looks like it's time to get or make a new one.

7: I started playing "Saint's Row 2". I like it a whole lot more than "Grand Theft Auto IV", despite how oldschool it feels by comparison. I hated the old GTA games, yet somehow I like this a lot more than any of the sandbox action games thus far.

8: "Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts" is not as bad as I originally thought it'd be. It's the same exact thing as the old games, except you use vehicles instead of traveling on foot. There's still boss fights, big levels to explore, jiggies, secrets, etc. It's a fantastic game.

9: I started playing "Untold Legends: Dark Kingdom" for PlayStation 3. It's very, very repetitious and the graphics are quite horrid, but it was a first-gen title for the console and it's still fun in the mindless sense. I'll probably beat it once before I get rid of it.

10: I haven't been talking to very many people for the past few days and I keep forgetting to put up away messages. Stuff keeps taking my attention away from my PC and so I just forget about my conversations. That has been driving a few people insane.

11: The two ex-girlfriends who have been back in my life recently have both been driving me nuts.

12: I told my Australian ex-girlfriend to seriously leave me the hell alone if she's not going to be platonic and respectful. No sugar coating. I've told her this shit too many times as is, but this is it. She's going to get the full life ban soon if she doesn't cut it out. By that, I mean I'll block her in every possible way.

13: My other ex-girlfriend has been posessive in an annoying way. I don't know what her deal is, but she seems to fall in love extremely easy. She's "in love" with like 15 guys right now, from what I can tell. I'm one of them. It's disturbing and I'm sick of her freaking out on me just because I stop responding for 10-15 minutes to have a conversation on my phone or some such. It's driving me insane.

14: I've been having weird head problems lately. I'll start feeling a big "thump" pounding in the back of my head. When that happens, my heart pounds a bit, I feel numb in my chest a bit and I get somewhat light-headed and disoriented. That's not a good sign and while it's only been happening today, if it bothers me throughout the night or continues into tomorrow, I'm calling an ambulence if I have to and getting this shit checked out, for real. I don't want to die.

15: I watched "Sex Drive". It had some hilarious moments, but it was overall only an "okay" movie.

16: I let my Uncle game share with me via the PlayStation Network. Such an awesome feature! I don't mind sharing the wealth with people I trust. I wish Xbox Live had a feature like that. I wouldn't mind game sharing my 82 Xbox Live Arcade games with a few people.

17: I decided that I seriously need to clean my room, buy some shelves, repaint it, get a new carpet of the proper size, get a futon to replace my bed, get a smaller desk to make more room, get mountable shelves for storage, get a TV mount and setup my 5.1 surround sound system. My room not only needs to be cleaned, but it needs a serious change. I need money before I can actually do this, but I'm working on it. It's a long-term project, I suppose.

18: I'm thinking about just making this blog a bit more public. It might offend a few specific people, but those people are my ex-girlfriends anyway and I probably shouldn't really care about how it would impact them. Most people wouldn't read it, anyway.

19: I'm content with being single, but I'd love a mentally stable and compatible girlfriend anyway. I'm fairly lonely.

20: I ignore a lot of phone calls and I don't respond to a lot of text messages. This applies to specific people, but I respond to the people that I know care about me. I don't feel like dealing with casual acquaintances right now. Life is too fucking hectic and I need to stick close to those I care about, who care about me.

21: I've been eating a lot more again. I need to cut back, start working out more and stretch on a daily basis. I have no motivation, but I know it has to be done at some point.

That's all for now. Take care!


Thursday, March 26, 2009

It's been a few days...

So, a quick summary of what I've been up to:

Tuesday: I had company over, received the latest AX Pro headset with my latest batch of stuff to review, ordered a few new games for my PS3, ate Taco Bell and had an Xbox 360 scare. To elaborate: My Xbox 360 stopped reading discs out of nowhere, but wasn't giving me any sort of error. So, I checked with MicroSoft and discovered that I'm out of the warranty period and that it would cost me $100 + shipping to get it repaired. I said "Fuck that noise!" and had my buddy look up a guide to opening the Xbox 360, made a ghetto rigged Xbox 360 opening tool for the back end of the console, reset the laser lense and apparently fixed my console. This was part luck, but also part technical know-how, but in all honesty, I was expecting it to straight up not work. I was half-expecting to have to order a new DVD drive, flash it with my Xbox 360 info and install it as a replacement. Either way, I'm happy that it all worked out.

Wednesday: I did virtually nothing the entire day. I played some of my games, messed around more with my new headset, started writing some stuff and talked to people. I also hopped onto Xbox Live for a while and played some "Resident Evil 5" with a cousin.

Today: After having fixed my sleeping hours, waking up at around 5AM and generally just doing nothing all day, my sister and I walked to the local shopping center so she could trade in some games, then we dropped by McDonald's, where she bought herself and the kids some food. She only had around $10 and I'm broke, so I couldn't really do anything about it. I ate some fries and riblets before we left, though and I think they fucked my stomach up. I'm feeling a little better right now, but honestly I still feel like shit. I think I need some Pepto or something. Aside from that, I finished writing some stuff, posted a few reviews, snuck some more gaming in and had a conversation with one of my ex-girlfriends, which was quite entertaining. I'm a bit worried about her, seeing as she's been extremely sick for a while. She really needs to go to the ER and get herself straightened out. It's probably a pneumonia, which she'd get fixed up in no time at all if she'd just go and get it taken care of. Also, my close female cousin is now dialated 1cm, so it'll be up to a month before she's actually bringing her little girl into this world. I'm excited, though! It's starting! She put me high up on the lisit of people to call when it happens, too, so I'll definitely be there the entire freakin' time!

In general: I've barely talked to my Australian ex-girlfriend. She was kinda' rude the other day, but then she disappeared until I was asleep last night. She sent me a message saying "steve get up". I don't know what the deal is, but she needs to learn that I'm not at her disposal. I'm not her pet. If she wants to spend time with me, she has to show me that she wants it. She has to prove to me that she cares about me. I wont tolerate bullshit, to put it lightly. Also, I've still not received my "Fallout 3" game back. I really want my game before I start getting serious about it. I don't really want to be a dick. I don't want to go over there and get it myself. I care about her and her boyfriend. I don't want to take it to that level. I want to spend time with them and be a good friend. I don't want to have to go crazy just to get my game back. That's stupid. It sucks. Also, I've been talking on and off to the girl that I could potentially like. I think it'll be a long while before she takes any serious interest in me, if ever. I'm content being single and I have absolutely no serious attachment or love interests right now, which is a great feeling for the time being. I'm enjoying my freedom while it lasts, so we'll see what happens.

As you can see, life has been pretty basic lately. Not many new developments and very little exciting news. The highlight of my week has clearly been my AX Pro headset and the time I spent with my potential business partner. Eventually, he and I will lead the way to greatness. We're doing what we can to make it happen. An honorable mention goes out to our mutual friend, who would have been hanging out with us had he been able to, but he's away at school and couldn't make it. We love ya', bro!

Until next time, Steve out. Dinner time. Take care!


Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Bitches be trippin'...

Friends, ex-girlfriends, aspiring girlfriends, girls in my family; THEY'RE ALL FUCKING CRAZY! My ex-girlfriends don't know if they're coming or going, my supposed best female friend ignores me most of the time, the girls in my family are drama queens and every other girl I know is just fucking nutty! I don't know how to deal with this shit, but holy fuck, it might be a good idea for me to start making more male friends. Maybe I should at least start making more time for my existing male friends. Either way, this shit is insane and I don't know what the hell to do about any of it. I miss my friends, I want my ex-girlfriends to start acting like we're strictly platonic and I want the females in my family to get off that fucking drama horse. There's not much else to say, but HOLY FUCK I'm annoyed right now.

And on that note, I redid my "Mercenaries" scores with a friend of mine in "Resident Evil 5". We did even better this time and I also re-unlocked everything, so I officially have everything unlocked and I've officially done everything that the game has to offer. It's time to retire it for a while or at least until a friend wants me along for some co-op fun. Until next post, take care!


Sunday, March 22, 2009


You know, the butterfly effect is a very popular theory, but it gets overlooked by many people on a daily basis. Simply put, every action has a major impact that plays out endlessly over the course of time, no matter how good or bad your intentions may be. You could save someone's life by simply telling them that they look good and in doing so, you could save an entire bloodline, which would stem from that person and his or her eventual partner. But then what happens to the bloodline? What if, eventually, that bloodline turns out to be the cause of nuclear warfare? On the flip side, what if you didn't tell that person that they look good and then he or she killed him or herself? It's a very negative and morbid thing to think about, but you could have saved the world by simply overlooking that person. Of course, the exact opposite could be said about the same situation. You could be saving or killing good people, too. You may not save or kill anyone. You may cause that person to look at life more positively, which may impact their drive to invent crazy technology or something. You may just make a new friend, who may ultimately introduce you to the person you're meant to be with for the rest of your life. Hell, the person may end up becoming that person! The possibilities of the butterfly effect are endless, though and range from simply stepping on a flower to outright taking someone's life. Every single one of your actions has a massive impact on the way of the world in some way or another.

So, I wonder how my own actions have impacted the lives of others and the fate of our race? Have I caused the inevitable downfall of the world? Have I saved any lives? Have I set anything big in motion? Have I created a masterpiece? Maybe I've destroyed someone else's masterpiece. I don't know, but I think about this stuff on a daily basis. Any time I speak or take so much as one step, I'm thinking about how those words or steps are going to change someone's world.

This stuff is mind blowing. I don't think that any person can truly fathom the exact scope of the butterfly effect. We can understand the principle, but there's nothing we can do about it. It's just the way of the world. This is how things work and I think people need to open their eyes and start caring a bit more about what they say and do. Just some food for thought.

Take care.



No intro. Jumping right in. I'm frustrated and I just need to vent...

My Australian ex-girlfriend contacted me again and is being a lot nicer, but things wont change. I know better. She's around all day, but decides to drop by for ten minutes every so often and then she'll take off like nothing happened. I'm like a fallback plan for when she's bored or just needs an outlet to entertain herself while she waits a few moments for something. It's really starting to piss me the fuck off.

This right here is the "WTF?" part. The other one of my ex-girlfriends who's been talking to me a lot apparently isn't as okay with just being friends as I thought she was. She's also not as mentally stable as I thought she was. She's been mad at the world and depressed for no reason and has let all of her frustration out on me. It's like I've become her punching bag and I'm a bit annoyed by it because she's at fault for her problems, not the other people that she keeps placing the blame on. It's her own fault and she's just crazy as fuck and wont admit it when she's done something wrong. She can't handle the truth. Anyway, I wasn't a blunt dick about it and I didn't even tell her what I thought to that extent. I simply told her that she should wait, sleep on it, relax and talk about it with all involved parties before coming to any sort of real conclusions and she freaked out on me, claiming that the wording of everything left it open for a completely negative reaction, when in reality it wasn't all that bad. We eventually stopped discussing stuff because she wasn't being very open or friendly today anyway, so I went out to The DuClaw with my uncle, had a few beers and was feelin' rather good. I got back my "Midnight Club: L.A." and lent him "Dead Rising". I hate lending out games, but it's okay in his case. I'll get it back whenever I want it, to tell you the truth. It's other people that I worry about. I want my "Fallout 3" back. I miss it. I want to play it. Anyhow, after all of that shit, I called this ex-girlfriend for a moment and tried talking to her. Mid-sentence, she interrupts me and says, "I love you." So naturally, I was thinking "Wait, WHAT?" and I said that, but then I said, "Wait, are you sure? Seriously? Are you drunk or something?" and yeah, that's harsh, but I was in denial. I don't want her to feel that way about me, but I also don't want her saying things that she doesn't mean, so she hung up on me and sent me a message that said, "That hurt." So I went on to clarify, asked her about it and tried to find out how she meant it. Her words went something like, "Can't you just accept it and tell me that you love me, too? Does it matter how I mean it? If you mean it in any way at all, just say it." I explained my reasoning and I drilled her to clarify, but the conversation ended more or less with me apologizing if I made her feel bad, followed by her saying that she's very "fragile" right now and can't handle the questions. She went on to say that she's always loved me, that I've always been in her heart and that she "submitted" those feelings into friendship, in her own words. I don't really get it, but either way, that shit is crazy and it's been bothering me all day.

After that, I slept for around 3 hours. This is when the stuff with my Australian ex-girlfriend happened. I played "Star Ocean: The Last Hope" for around an hour, as well as a few random Xbox Live Arcade games, including "Pac-Man Championship Edition", "Pac-Man (Original arcade version)" and "Final Fantasy: Crystal Defenders". I talked to a friend of mine over Xbox Live, whom I also talked to over the phone earlier in the day for a short while. I got in touch with a close friend of mine, who finally picked up "Resident Evil 5" and is close to finishing it. He may even be at the end, but I'm not entirely too sure. The last time I checked, he was on 5-3 or 6-1 and I don't think he's still logged in, so I'm not sure. A friend and I finished our Professional mode achievement together earlier today, which officially sets us both at 1,000/1,000 gamerscore for the game. When the DLC pack comes out, we'll definitely be boosting our scores up to 1,250/1,250 for the sake of staying on top of the RE5 achievement chain.

Anyway, I'm done for now and I think it's time for some porn. Until next time, Steve out. Take care!


Friday, March 20, 2009

History repeats itself, full circle...

I guess it's true. History does repeat itself and nothing can really stop it from happening. We just have to learn from our mistakes, correct them and avoid the same patterns in the future. That's a lesson of life, I guess and we're all expected to learn it. After that whole "Resident Evil 5" fiasco, my ex-girlfriends returning for all sorts of random reasons and stuff with my family, it's no surprise that yet another recurring theme of my life has shown it's ugly face again. To explain this quickly, my best female friend has went through spurts where she'll talk to me very randomly, stop hanging out as much and all of that other random stuff. That's just how she is. However, ever since she started seeing her current boyfriend about five months ago, she only really hangs out with one or two other people. I've spent less and less time with her and she never calls me. She even ignores 98% of my text messages and outright avoids responding to serious stuff most of the time. When I actually bring issues to her attention, she just blames me or acts like a simple apology will fix everything, but this time, that's not how this is going to work. I love her like a sister, but despite that, I'm going to stop chasing her around and begging her for attention. A friend shouldn't have to do that. That's ridiculous and I'm sick of it. I'm hurting really bad over this bullshit and while I did bring this to her attention, I know that she's not going to come around. She'll see me as the "bad guy", badmouth me and make the situation sound in such a way to her friends that I'm at fault for everything. She'll leave out all of the good things I've done, how hard I've tried to get her attention and all of the times I've been there for her. I guess some people never change, no matter what happens. There's no way out of this one. As much as I care about her, I have to let her go. If she really cared about me, I guess I wouldn't be forced to try so hard for an ounce of her attention. She claims she cares about me, but I guess the truth is out. I'm done with it...

Before I go to sleep, though, I need to talk about two more things: My close female cousin and my "Resident Evil 5" foundation.

My close female cousin has been practically begging me to spend time with her, but there are two main problems with that. First, if she doesn't want to play "Resident Evil 5". She wants to force me to play it, beat her game for her and "watch" me play it. She says she's a die-hard fan, got an Xbox 360 for the game and doesn't want to play it? Sounds like she's a poser who wants attention to me. That aside, the other problem is that I just haven't been enjoying myself when I spend time with her unless her other friends are around. She's boring as shit. She doesn't seem interested in doing anything to entertain her guests and she makes me do shit for her all of the time, even down to throwing trash away. All of that is a pain in the ass, but even if I did go over there, I'd need to fix my sleeping schedule. I've been going to sleep at 2-4PM, which is absolutely outrageous and I know it very well. I honestly don't even like my sleeping schedule as it is, but it's so hard to fix it this time. I'm trying, but it's not working out very well.

I contacted Capcom's tier 3 tech support about my "Resident Evil 5" save file problem, which seems to be more and more widespread by the day, but they've yet to respond to anyone about the issue, which obviously includes me. I wound up deleting the corrupted save file and started completely over from scratch. I didn't want to abuse any glitches the first time, but I earned my fucking stripes, so I decided to speed up the process of recovering what I had before. I used the "rotten egg" glitch to make shitloads of cash and I used the difficulty glitch to unlock the "Professional" difficulty without having to complete Veteran. This saves me from having to beat Normal and Veteran. I can instead grind 1 level rapidly on Veteran for maximum efficiency, max out everything in the exchange shop, then head off to do Professional. This saves me a shitload of time and ultimately, I can be back where I was in a day, easily. The only annoying and upsetting part about this now that it's all said and done is that I have to redo all of Mercenaries again. It's so fun to play, but it's a pain in the ass to do some of the missions with an A ranking without some work. Also, redoing "Savannah" on Professional is going to suck. I spent 2 hours on that level alone and finally, one of my other cousins decided to give it a shot and after some good teamwork and a lot of deaths, we got lucky and beat it, so you can imagine that I'm not very happy about having to go through that again. I'll also go through Normal and Veteran again sometime soon for the shit of it, just to have the grade markers. Anyway, I've calmed down and I'm not as frustrated about it anymore. Once I've worked myself back to the same point again, I'll surpass my old scores and such and I'll be happy again.

Anyway, I'm done for now. This is one hella depressed Steve down for the count. Take care!


Thursday, March 19, 2009


I'm going to kill someone. I'm going to jump off a bridge. My save file for "Resident Evil 5" is now 100% officially corrupted and wont load. At all. 60-80 hours of work went into that file. My sheer passion drove me to be the best that I could be, do everything that I could do and work my fucking ass off to get every achievement and non-achievement unlockable in the game. I was halfway through the last step, "Professional" mode, when this happened. I was almost there. I was about to do my victory run, in a sense. I was prepped and ready to stomp the game and be done with it until the urge to blow zombies up caught me again a few months down the road. I perfected the game, maxed everything out, explored every corner and even got my speedrun time down to around two and a half hours. I was pumped, primed and ready, but no, not anymore. Now I don't even want the game. I want to get rid of it, forget that it exists and move on with life. I'm so tempted to sell it and be done with it, but I don't know if I even have the heart to do so. And for anyone who may have found this blog that thinks I'm crying over spilt milk, you can lick my fucking balls. For me, gaming is a serious passion and a true lifestyle. I always put real priorities in my life first when the need is there, but otherwise, losing that save file to me is comparable to someone losing a collection of cards or something equally depressing. This is my outlet of choice and I take it as serious as anyone else takes their hobbies. People may not realize just how badly something like this hurts me. This is my biggest gaming loss ever. I've never lost a save file with this much work and dedication put into it for my entire life. I don't even know what to do with myself. That said, consider this the end of my time with "Resident Evil 5" for a very long time, unless Capcom or Microsoft decides to somehow reimburse me for my time or create a new save file for me, which we all know will not happen. I wont be buying the downloadable content and I refuse to do all of this work over again right now. It'll be a long fucking time before I hop back on the RE5 bandwagon. Until then, my zombie slaying days are over. Fuck you, Capcom. Everyone else, take care.


Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I hate how life works...

I was supposed to go out for St. Patrick's Day and get wasted. Everyone bailed out, so I went to sleep and just said "Fuck it." That's not something I'd normally do because it's like a tradition for my friends and I to get as drunk as we can in celebration, even though none of us are Catholic, nor are we actually Irish, so the holiday means nothing to us, technically. They bailed out and I wasn't going to drink alone, so I felt like shit that my friends all bailed out. EVERYONE bailed out. After I woke up, I found out that my close female cousin asked me about it, so she would have probably shown up for a while, but honestly I'm depressed.

Before I go on, I'd like to point out that the new movie based on one of my favorite series of all time, "Dead Like Me: Life After Death" is out. It's available both on DVD and the NetFlix instant watch service. I've yet to watch it and despite the absolutely terrible reviews, several serious (potentially very negative) changes and lack of real closure, I'm still very excited and I'm going to turn it on after I get some rest. I highly recommend that you go check out the 2 seasons of the show ASAP if you have time to kill and an open mind. It's absolutely amazing, very deep and will make your head spin, your heart melt and your eyes leak. So yeah, go check out "Dead Like Me" right freakin' now!

First: My supposed best female friend outright ignores me most of the time. She never responds and when she does, it's very brief. The other day, she said she was bringing back "Fallout 3" and she never dropped by. Any time I ask about it, she ignores it. I'm getting fed up with it. She usually says she's been busy, but this time, she said she hasn't been doing anything and she's also been spending a lot of time with another friend. If she can do that, why can't she fit time for me in there? Or is it simply that she doesn't care enough about me to do so? Maybe she's losing sight of our friendship and doesn't care to hang out with me anymore. That right there is what scares me about the situation, honestly. I want my game back and I know that I'll get it at some point, so that's not what's bothering me. This is really getting under my skin.

Next: I'm starting to feel alone. I'm getting used to being single again, which is kinda' good because I'm not really in need of "getting over" anyone right now. I don't have a big emotional attachment to anyone and I'm trying not to let that develop at all right now, as well. I have tons of time to myself, which is good in a sense, but now I feel like I never have anything to do. No one wants to hang out, I'm very lonely, I sleep alone, I cuddle my fucking pillow and honestly, as much as I enjoy having this amount of freedom and space, I'd give it up to have my life back. I'm tired of being pushed aside by everyone. I'm tired of being alone. I need my friends.

And last, for the time being anyway, the latest status update of my "Resident Evil 5" progress. I basically just need to finish Professional mode now, which is going to be a pain in the dick. I have some odds and ends to tie up before moving onto that, but I'm not even going to worry about gathering EP to finish infinite ammo for everything until I finish Professional mode. Once I have that achievement, whatever points are left for me to get, I'll grind off and call it a day. By then, the DLC may be released, which means I have 250 more points to unlock, but those all seem easyish. There's a bit of a grind involved with some of it, but it's not too bad. A few hours for 250 points to max out the game at 1250/1250 is fine by me! I gotta' keep on top of the RE5 achievements! But honestly, I'm too tired to talk about anything else right now. I need to get some rest. I'm depressed, lonely and in pain. Take care!


Tuesday, March 17, 2009

And so the marathon continues...

Yet again, I wound up playing "Resident Evil 5" just about the entire day. Today, however, was a major stepping stone. One of my good friends and I A-ranked every stage in the Mercenaries mode together, after a bit of work, planning and cooperation. We're really good at the game, apparently, given that we're 2 of the highest ranked American players thus far. The Japanese players and the developers are of course much better, but the Japanese players have had the game for an entire extra week over us and the developers are obviously going to completely dominate their own game. The developers scores HAVE been dominated for the most part by a few Japanese players, though. At any rate, that was a huge step, so I'm free to do anything I can in the realm of "Resident Evil 5" now because everything's unlocked for play. The only real step I have left is to collect a small handful of treasures, buy two more weapons and collect every emblem. After that, I just have to finish gathering money and exchange points to max everything out and buy the remaining bonus items. I have all of the high-end speedrun equipment already, so everything else is just for fun, completion and achievements. The last thing I'll do is Professional mode, but that's going to be a bitch and a half.

Not much has happened today, but a few things stick out that I need to get off my chest.

First: A friend of mine is now leaving Maryland to go back to West Virginia/Pennsylvania for school. She'll be back for visits, but she's more or less gone. I rarely see her or even speak to her very often as is, but it saddens me that it's going to be a long time before I'll see her again. We had plans to hang out soon, but those are obviously going out the window because she wont be here. I hope that everything works out for her, though.

Second: My Australian ex-girlfriend is now blocked in every way that she has to contact me, aside from e-mail, but I doubt she'll go far enough to send me an e-mail as is. She may have forgotten the address, even. To elaborate, she's taking advantage of my time and emotions. There's a degree of emotional attachment to her that I can't seem to shake off, but I could easily walk away and completely recover within' a few weeks for the most part. Anyhow, part of the reason that I'm up so late at night is because of her. I would typically only stay awake until 3:00AM or maybe as late as 4:00AM, but I've been going to bed much, much later in order to make a bit more time for her, as well as uninterrupted time with "Resident Evil 5", which I'll probably play a good bit less at this point. Despite this fact and even though I do everything I can to keep up a good conversation without any sort of flaws or disputes, she just ignores my efforts and emotions. She treats me like a pet, in a sense and I told her all about it. I sent her around 12 paragraphs of shit, which I know that she'll read and then she'll somehow find a way to blame it on me in her own mind, but I'll get over it. That part of my life has to come to a close. I need to end the stories of my past before I can really start living a happy life into the future.

Third: My other ex-girlfriend was completely blown off by me today, but it was unintentional. I honestly feel bad about it because we were talking and apparently I even missed a call from her all because I got sidetracked and started playing "Resident Evil 5" with my buddy all day. That was my own fault because I could have easily told her that I wanted to go, said goodbye properly, etc., but instead, when she messaged me, I just said "Sorry, I'm playing RE5 with a friend. lol." and that was it. She didn't say anything after that and I know how she gets. She's probably angry at me. I'll apologize and make things right, but it was my own fault. I really should have said something before I just took off and started playing. I admit it. She doesn't have access to this blog, but she'll get the apology when I talk to her next.

Finally: My brother in-law and my sister are in talks about making trades with me, while Mom is in the process of being an absolute bitch to me, as usual. I'm going to vent about my Mom before I go on with the possible trades, though.

Generally, I make my own food with whatever we have laying around the house, just like everyone else. The only meal that we usually don't make ourselves is dinner, which Mom usually prepares or orders. She's not a good cook by any means, although she can make a few decent meals, but she's supposed to take care of dinner. That's what she does. That's not the point of this, though, so to move onwards and closer to the point, she's always yelling at me and trying to blame me for eating random food. First of all, I've cut back on food a whole lot and I rarely eat more than half of my daily recommended intake of calories as is. Second, she buys food so that everyone in this house has food to eat. The problem with this is that she seriously only buys enough food for 2-3 people, not the 8(+1 when my youngest niece is here) people who live here. Not only that, but she yells at me for eating late at night and acts like the time of day should impact what I eat, regardless of my sleeping schedule. She acts like she's some skinny woman who has all of the fitness advice in the world, when I'm the one who actually had a personal trainer for about 6 months a long while back. I know what to do to lose weight, how to eat right and how to prepare myself mentally for the challenges that lay ahead. She knows nothing about this shit aside from dumb shit they put into her head on television with shows like Oprah. None of that shit is real. Just because I eat at 4AM, that doesn't mean my body is going to be impacted any differently by the food I eat. My current sleeping schedule means that 4AM or so is my actual dinner time and she doesn't care. She yells at me if I eat more than 1 meal, basically and acts like I shouldn't eat anything at all. She picks at me for everything, even right down to how loud I sometimes breathe, which is caused by my fucking permanently damaged respiratory system and Asthma. Anyway, the point is, she always yells at me and assumes that I cooked food and today in particular, it happened to be a bag of Ore Ida (or however it's spelled) french fries, which I didn't even touch today. She insisted that I made it and denied that I was telling the truth. It pisses me the fuck off when she does this because when it comes to anything at all, I'm immediately the person she accuses. There are times when those small accusations are just enough to push me over that edge because of what else is going on in my life. Right now, this is close to being one of those times, thanks to all of these stupid problems with friends and ex-girlfriends. I feel like I should jam a knife through my chest and just let myself die, I swear...

So anyway, my sister wants my original modified DreamCast console, all of the stuff I have for it and my original PlayStation game collection. She's offering $150, roughly. I could get a new PSP out of that, a few new games, put it towards a new Wii or whatever else I felt like doing. In truth, though, I'm still not so sure if I want to do that. It's a fair trade, all things considered, but I just don't know. I feel the same way about the other potential trade, which involves my brother in-law's desperate want to own a PlayStation 3 for the sake of pure HDMI top-notch Blu-Ray capabilities. He could go out and buy one for $300-400, depending on if it's used or not, but he'd rather buy mine from me because he knows I'd cut him a deal and I also don't use it very often. Plus, I could still use it to review games even if he got it from me. He wouldn't use it enough to justify owning it, though and he also probably can't really afford it. On top of that, despite how bitchy my Mom is, she has some sort of god complex and is always grinding me about how she'll never do anything for me again if I trade or sell my PlayStation 3, even if I get equal value o rhigher for what she bought me. It was a Christmas gift and as far as everyone else is concerned, myself, my friends and my family included, it shouldn't matter what I do with it, so long as I'm not ripping myself off and so long as I get something I'll actually enjoy out of it. I'd feel bad trading it to my brother in-law, but if he does it, this is what he's proposed: A new limited edition red Xbox 360 Elite console, which includes a unique "Resident Evil 5" premium theme excluse to the limited edition console, the full retail case, manual and game (Resident Evil 5), a free download code for the Xbox Live Arcade $15 game "Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo HD Remix", a red wireless controller, a black headset, an ethernet cable, a 120GB elite hard drive, component/AV HD cables, an HDMI cable and more importantly: the new "Jasper" build. "Jasper" is essentially the final version of the Xbox 360 console, which has more or less eliminated the main causes of overheating, overconsumption of electrical power and the infamous "Red Ring Of Death". My current Xbox 360 is a 20GB launch day model with no more warranty, no HDMI port and a high chance for a "Red Ring Of Death". I don't use my PlayStation 3 at all, I could use the bigger hard drive and I'd love a new warranty + the limited edition console model, among other things. I can also trade the sealed game for something else I want, seeing as it's a brand new $60 MSRP retail game; a highly saught-after one, at that. I'm very tempted and very interested in both trades and I think that I'm willing to do them both, ultimately, but I'll have to confirm it all, talk to everyone involved, which includes easing Mom into it and figure out my plan for my current Xbox 360 console. I could easily trade it off for a new Wii and softmod it or even mod this Xbox 360, but there are many options. I'm interested in a nice iPod Touch, too, so perhaps that's what I'll go for. I'm not so sure just yet, but these trades hold many possibilities for me.

My goodness, that was a lot of shit to cover a few very basic issues. Still, it feels great to get it all off my chest. Thanks for reading! Take care!


Monday, March 16, 2009

The latest intel

Well, one of my best friends seems more interested in coming to hang out again, so that's great. I haven't talked about him much on here because he honestly hasn't been around much or said all that much to me for a long while now, but hopefully that's all in the past. I hope everything's good now. He dropped by last night, stayed over and caught up on some stuff. We had a long series of heart-to-heart conversations, played "Resident Evil 5" co-op for the first 4 sub chapters and ate a bit of food. In the end, he went over to my neighbor's house and fell asleep in a bed over there. It was overall a good day and I hope he comes around more now that he sees how people in my house treat him. He's a part of this family, honestly.

The one whom I refer to generally as my best friend because she tends to be the person that I spend the most time with is not indeed my only best friend. I'm making this clarification now because the previously mentioned best friend pointed out that it sounded as though I held her above and beyond my other best friends. That's only true to a certain extent. There are other people who I consider to be best friends, but I hold some of them to a higher standard. The best friend who was over here last night and the girl I call my "best friend" here in this blog are both in the category of my highest tier of friendship. I'm still going to refer to her as my best friend because everyone knows her as that in this blog, but I'll refer to her as my female best friend for separation's sake.

On that note, my female best friend still hasn't said much to me and she hasn't stopped to bring back my "Fallout 3" game. I'm starting to get very worried. It feels like I may be losing a friend. This is the fifth time that this has happened, I think. She always comes back, but it only happens in phases. She gets bored of something else and then uses me as a failsafe; that's how it seems. I hate feeling like that. I love her like a sister and I really don't want that to be true. If I find out that she uses me as a backup plan, a last resort or anything else, I'll be heartbroken. She's a sister. She's family. I trust her with everything, even knowing that she lies a lot and does stupid things. She even has this blog address. She could read about this at any time and I wouldn't care. She probably wont, but the point is that she has full access. I hope she comes around, realizes what she's doing and actually acts like a real god damn friend.

In other news, I've been playing "Resident Evil 5" so much that I've been putting off everything else. I need to get on the ball with stuff. I need to pick up the job hunt again, start spam messaging people to get their attention and really enforce the idea of group gatherings with my friends. I also need to fix my sleeping hours, which will be done in a few days; perhaps sometime this weekend. I need a week or so for my body to lessen it's immunity to Diphenhydramine. It wont be super potent still, but it'll be well enough to force myself to sleep early as hell at some point or another. Also, I'm supposed to be going over my close female cousin's place to hang out on Tuesday. She's in chapter 5 and wants to "watch someone else" play the game because she'd rather do that than play it herself, supposedly. She's nowhere near the real fan she claimed to be, but it's all good. I love the game and I'll play it anyway to an extent. I may just take Rock Band over there, since she now has an Xbox 360 and such.

On the female front, both of my ex-girlfriends are weird. My seemingly slutty ex-girlfriend seems more like a slut, but less like a potential girlfriend at this point. She's been very friendly, open and honest with me about everything. She's very interested in doing sexual things with me, coming to visit me or having me visit her, but I don't want those things to happen. Perhaps a visit would be okay, but I'd restrain her from sexual activity if she came out here to hang out. I'm not like that, especially not with girls who are already in a relationship. She's a drama queen and her life revolves around such things, so I've had to hear about that constantly. However, I've enjoyed our conversations, she makes me feel very welcome and I think that this could really work as a stable friendship; never anything more. I'm confident with friendship in her casee, though. On the other hand, my Australian ex-girlfriend is making some effort, but very little of it. She acts as though talking to me is an obligation and I get the feeling that she thinks of me as a lesser being or something in a certain fucked up sense. I don't know how to explain it, but regardless, I don't like it at all. I'm starting to honestly want her out of my life and I may follow through with that feeling. The more I talk to her, the less I like her.

It's time for some porn, maybe a bowl of cereal, perhaps a movie or a few episodes of "The Office" and some masturbation. Until next time, Steve out! Take care!


Saturday, March 14, 2009

What's the reason I haven't posted? HINT: It involves Chris, Sheva, Jill, Wesker and lots of action!

So, if anyone's noticed, I haven't actually stopped by to write anything for 3 days now. First of all, nothing special has happened. I haven't talked to anyone or done anything at all aside from play my Xbox 360, talk to a few of my friends here and there and sleep. Now, you may be asking yourself what the hell I was doing if I have absolutely nothing to report about life and my feelings. Well, if you haven't figured it out by now, given the date, the title of this blog and my obsession with the series, I've been obsessing over "Resident Evil 5". So, here's the breakdown of my life for the past 3 days.

March 12, I didn't wake up until around 7PM. After I woke up, I talked to people, did a little research about the new midnight launch flyer posted by GameStop and finalized my arrangements to attend and pick up my stuff. My brother in-law and I went to GameStop and arrived just as the doors opened, which was absolutely perfect. When it was my turn in line, I asked about the limited edition strategy guide because a: I'm a fanatic of the "Resident Evil" series without a shade of doubt, b: It's sexy and c: There's only 1 print of the guide being done and 95% of them have already been sold via pre-orders. Well, to my surprise, they had 1 copy of the limited edition guide left, so I traded in 3 Xbox 360 games that I no longer care for to get it, which now leaves me with $25 in store credit, the guide and 34 remaining retail Xbox 360 games. Of course, I still have my lovely 82 Xbox Live Arcade games, too! Anyway, I already paid for the collector's edition of the game in full, so I grabbed that with my guide and we were quickly on our way out of the store. My close female cousin bought a cheap used core model Xbox 360 with a 64MB memory card just for the purpose of playing this game, so we were texting back and forth during all of this, so when we left, I called her to let her know about my guide. She was pretty jealous, but I might try to find her one as a special surprise if I can find any for normal retail price or less somewhere around here. After that, I called another one of my best friends, whom is a fellow fanatic to the same extent that I am. He and I are both absolutely fanatical about the series to the point that we know all of the lore, we do everything in every game at all costs and hell, he even dresses up as Hunk for conventions and such. Yep, we're A-grade dorks and fucking proud of it! And what, bitch?! So after that, my brother in-law stopped off somewhere to pick up some Valium from a friend. He gave me 2, which I took when I came home. They fucked me up pretty bad for about 45 minutes, but after that it didn't do anything. Either they were bad pills, a really low dose or you're supposed to take more for recreational use. I know it's bad and I usually don't do this sorta' thing, but my anxiety has been acting up a lot lately and that shit helps. Hell, my heart was racing and I almost had a full-on panic attack out of pure excitement when I got home and opened the packaging of the game and guide. I was relaxed pretty much all night, so I guess they still did their job, but I was looking to get fucked up for a change, to be completely honest. It's a very safe drug if not taken frequently and it's actually prescribed for anxiety anyway, so whatever! Of course, by now it's...

March, 2009, Friday the 13: The re-arrival of the "Resident Evil" series in the form of "Resident Evil 5" for the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 in the USA. I didn't actually get to sit down and start playing for real until around 2AM, but I seriously played almost the entire game in a single sitting. I went to sleep around noon, which left me at the beginning of chapter 5. In total, there are 6 full chapters, with the last 2 being the longest parts of the game. Still, I effectively beat most of the game in a single sitting. Had I not taken those Valium pills, I'd of probably played it straight through, to be completely honest with you. That was the original plan, but it didn't happen. After I woke up, I sat around waiting for my body and mind to wake up completely and ate dinner. When I was awake, energetic and prepared, I turned the game on and rocked that shit straight through to the end, all while I had a few friends in my Xbox Live party, 1 of which who was also playing the game, but he had just turned it on for the first time; he's the fellow series fanatic I was referring to earlier. The other person in my party was one of the people I speak to on a constant daily basis and whenever we play games, we're in a party talking over Live. We've been friends for 10+ years and while we've never met in person, we plan on it someday and as sarcastic as the both of us can be, our bond of friendship is very tight and I doubt it'll ever be broken. Anyway, I literally played the game straight into...

March 2009, Saturday the 14th. Around 1:30AM, I officially finished the game my first time through. At first, up until I started getting into chapters 4 and 5, the game didn't seem all that great, but by the time I was done, I was in awe. This is truly a fucking amazing entry into what I consider to be the best video game series of all time. It's definitely on par with "Resident Evil 4" in many ways, although the main story mode of "Resident Evil 5" lacks some undescribable "feeling". However, there's a ton of stuff to unlock. With the new upgrade, bonus features store and special settings menus, there's a fuckload of things to work for, so there's always a goal to work towards. Oh, we can't forget the emblems and treasures, as well as the achievements! And shit, not only that, but there's a total of 4 difficulty levels, 1 of which must be unlocked by completing the "Veteran" difficulty. And if you want even more, well you're in luck! You can play the game through Sheva's point of view, plow through the updated "Mercenaries" mode, browse art galleries and if all else fails, go online for some co-op or in a month when the DLC comes out, versus/slayer mode online play will also be an option! And on that note, I have to admit that the mercenaries mode in this game is easily the best out of the entire series. I've never had more fun playing a game in this series than I have while I run around in the various stages of "Mercenaries" here in "Resident Evil 5". There's a total of 8 levels and 4 characters in Mercenaries mode, all of which also have bonus costumes that can be used as well, but they show up as different characters. There's no actual bonus for scoring high in "Mercenaries" this time, so it's less stress and more fun, but it's a personal challenge for me. I *WILL* perfect it! Just give it time! But in summary, I've been doing absolutely nothing aside from playing this game. After I finished it, I started doing other stuff, like collecting treasures, trying for some S-ranks, playing a bit of "Mercenaries"; generally digging into everything that this masterpiece has to offer. All of you haters can lick my balls. Simply put, this game IS better than "Resident Evil 4". I thought it was a bit worse at first, but it grew on me. The only things it lacks are Leon, Ada, a castle setting and the trademark shopkeeper, but hey, you can't have EVERYTHING! Besides, while Leon is a hell of a lot cooler than Chris, there's no avoiding the fact that Chris is still a badass and the partner system with Sheva totally makes up for it. The game is far more action-packed by comparison and offers a much greater challenge on harder difficulties, by far.

So, now that I've summarized how awesome the game is and explained where the fuck I've been, I guess it's time to give you a very small update. Nothing's really happened with anyone lately, but my close female cousin did seriously try to challenge me. She seriously thought that she could finish "Resident Evil 5" before me. She's playing on the easiest difficulty and has yet to beat it. She insisted that I was bluffing, but she doesn't understand a few things...

DISCLAIMER: I'm not being egomaniacal, nor am I tooting my own horn. This is just serious and legitimate shit about my life.

First of all, gaming is my life. It's my dream, my passion and everything I live for. To me, gaming isn't just a thing you do for fun; it's a lifestyle. Not only do I know everything about the industry, but I've been playing games forever, which brings me to point number two...

I've literally been playing games since I was around 3 years old. I tried at age 2, but I didn't get into them until I was a little into age 3. Mom says she was blown away at how well I played games for the age. I wasn't a champion or anything because really, I was 3 years old, ya' know? Still, I kept playing games constantly throughout my life. It was both a blessing and a curse.

WARNING: Side rant alert! Prepare yourself for a history lesson involving a bit of my childhood!

As a kid, I put games before everything. While other kids were doing homework, I was gaming. While people were playing sports, I was gaming. Hell, sometimes I would put off food for gaming, although most of the time my fatness showed it's face and pried me away from the games long enough to eat 500,000 calories per meal. This honestly led to a pretty shitty childhood. My parents didn't care enough to stop me or force me to do homework and such, so I wound up not finishing high school and I never went to or want to go to college. I learn very fast and I'm extremely intelligent, but I can't force myself to do homework or get into school habits. School life just isn't for me and while I've accepted it and can't place the blame fully on anyone other than myself, my parents are in part to blame because they never did anything to stop me. They discouraged me at every stop, never faught hard enough with the schools when kids teased me and beat me up, never forced me to stop overeating or anything else. To this day, they just don't seem to care about things. They just live a care-free life and still discourage me on a daily basis. Anyway, the point of this rant is that games ruled my life and to an extent, they still do. I broke away from that in the sense that I put friends, life, finances, etc. first in most cases, but for the "Resident Evil" series, I put my entire life on hold. That's just how it is and at least for now, that's how it's going to be. My life is getting better by the day, but I feel like there's something dark inside of me just waiting to show it's face and take over. I don't know how to explain it, but there's all sorts of bad feelings inside of me and I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I just know that I hope it's a phase and that it'll pass. I don't want to hurt myself or anyone else as a result of whatever's going on inside of me...

So anyway, the third and final point: My cousin doesn't realize that I'm serious when I say that I've finished every game in the series since it's conception on the original PlayStation during the first day the games came out. This is no joke. I just fucking love this series and I always will. This is the first one that I didn't finish in one sitting, actually, which is a bit disappointing, but I still did it within' the first full day of me personally owning the game and I only missed beating it on the release date by about an hour. As usual, I played on the normal difficulty for the first playthrough, although I did try the Veteran setting for about an hour, but it just proved to be a bit out of the comfort zone due to an excessive lack of ammo for a first play through. My cousin is playing on the Amateur difficulty setting, which is the easiest setting in the game and still hasn't finished the full game. She claims to be this crazy expert on the series and says she's fanatical about it, but I've yet to see her do any of the shit she says she's done. See, I have the achievements to prove what I've done with this game and eye witnesses to what I've done in the past. She just has memory cards filled with half-complete save files that don't back up her claims. I've called her bluff and she doesn't like it, but it's all good. Maybe she'll stop making these ludicrous claims to me from now on, at least. This reminds me of how she claimed a friend of her's had the game 2 months before it came out. There wasn't a single leaked copy of the game and it wasn't even produced in playable form until about a month ago, if that and not a single one of them was taken according to Capcom's counts, which means not one copy of the legit retail game was leaked. If it were leaked, I'd of modified my console by now just for the sake of playing the game early, as risky as that is with Xbox Live bannings happening on every day. The closest thing to an early release would be the Japanese version of the game, which was released about a week earlier. In short, her claims of seeing the game and backing up the fact that she supposedly played it 2 months before it was supposed to be out were flat out lies. I mean, I knew it at the time, but it's just getting obnoxious. She lies about stupid shit like this constantly to compensate for her boring life and you know what? I don't care how boring her life is. She's my cousin and I love her for it, just like all of my really close friends and family. I'm not going to put her down for not having crazy stories to tell me every 2 seconds. I'd rather have a bland honest conversation than a fake conversation. She needs to get over this hurdle and stop making things up. It's not even just games; it's everything and every lie she tells is just so extreme that it's obvious. Like there was one time when she told me that she took 6 pills of E, drank a bottle of Captain Morgan, did a line of coke and ate some shrooms all in the time span of about 2 hours. Now you tell me: Would you believe her? She'd of died. Anyway, I seriously hope that this challenge puts her bullshit to a rest. If you can't take the heat, don't play with fire. She got burned hard and she's still recovering, but she has to learn that she shouldn't and doesn't need to lie about things. It's getting old and I'm starting to want to avoid her because of it. I'm tired of having conversations that involve stupid stories that aren't even plausable.

Anyway, that's about all I have to report. Although there's one other thing, I guess: My Australian ex-girlfriend has been popping up from time to time and still has no idea how to handle this situation. She acts like nothing's changed, doesn't respond when I try to be serious and always responds to questions with the phrase "I dunno." I'm going to back her into a corner and make her talk soon before this gets out of hand. It's either that or I just ignore her and force her into a month or 2 without contact. I don't know just yet. Aside from her, my other ex-girlfriend hasn't really been around today and we didn't speak yesterday, so that's perhaps a good sign, depending on how things go in the long run. I don't want more than friendship from her, so if that works out, that's cool. I haven't spoken to the girl I previously liked for about a month now, so that's also very, very good news, as far as I'm concerned. I have no feelings for her anymore and I realize that she's more or less just a dirty, mindfucking whore. And last, but definitely far from least, the girl that I could potentially like has been busy, but we've talked here and there. I helped her with a bit of a computer problem the other day and we very briefly spoke sometime in the past 2 days, but I don't remember when because it's all a blur. Hopefully we get the chance to see one another soon! And on that note, my best friend isn't being a very good friend at all. She ignores most of my messages and phonecalls and goes to spend time with her boyfriend 90% of the time. The other 10% of the time, she's either in school or hanging out with the girl I could potentially like. If I'm supposed to be one of her best friends, why is she doing this? I'm starting to wonder and it hurts a bit...

But that's all for now. I'm tired as shit, burnt out and my brain is fried. I need to get some real sleep before I lose my sanity. When I wake up, it's time for more "Resident Evil 5". Until next time, Steve out! Take care!


Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Loneliness is settling in again...

I'm starting to get used to being alone again. I don't know if that's a good thing or if it's a bad thing, considering it can be either depending on how you look at it. I'm starting to stop obsessing over girls again and I'm starting to lose sight of many of my supposed friends because they just don't seem to care. A few people do care and I do talk to those people regularly, but not very many people are willing to really spend time with me. It's like they keep me at bay or something. I don't really know what the deal is, but it sucks ass. Still, no matter how you slice it, I'm lonely, burnt out, broke and a bit on the depressed side. I wish I could just snap my fingers and make it all go away, but life doesn't work that way. Oh well. I'm bored and lonely. I need some company. I'll be back later. Take care.


Bad Steve, bad mood...supershort post.

There's not a whole lot to say here. Simply put, I hate life right now. I have my reasons, but I'm not hard to decipher, especially not for those of you who actually read this thing. There's a good bit of stuff to be excited for, but I feel empty inside even despite all of that. I feel like my life is falling apart before my eyes. It's like everyone I care about is walking out on me or something. I don't even know what to make of this shit, but I hate it. I'm going to go play something, watch something or fap again. I need to clear my head. Thanks for reading. Take care.


Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Catching up again!

I've been having lots of conversations with random ex-girlfriends. Why? I have no fucking idea. Things are getting weird now, though...

With the ex-ex-ex-ex girlfriend, we have a seemingly perfect friendship, but she's trying to get a bit too close, so I need to watch myself here. She keeps hinting at sexual fantasies involving me, but she's in a devoted relationship with a guy she's always complaining about. She's always complaining about something, though and it's getting more annoying than it was even back when I was dating her. This shit is whack, yo. I don't even know what else to say. She's very two-faced, I think. I just want a common friendship with her, nothing more. If she tries to take it farther, I'll have to lay down the law and either walk away or make sure she's cool with being platonic.

With the Australian ex-girlfriend, she's in love with both me and her ex-boyfriend and I've discovered that she never loved me in the same way. I was, in a word, infatuation. She was using me to fill the void until her ex-boyfriend came back into the picture and now he's back. She blames herself, apologizes to him every time he does something wrong and is strung out over him like she's a whipped puppy. Her explanation when asked why was simply that she lost her virginity to him and that he was her first 'serious' relationship. He was the first guy who ever showed a SERIOUS interest in her as opposed to a mere casual thing. I can relate to that, but I don't like being in this position. I don't like feeling used, abused and thrown to the side. It's bullshit. I've always been "That" guy, you know? I'm sick of it. VERY fucking sick of it. In short, this girl is crying herself to death and losing sleep over this other guy and I'm getting caught in the crossfire as the "go-to guy". She comes to me with her problems more and more with each passing day and I used to always wish for that, but I'm starting to wish I hadn't done so. I was better off being kept in the dark and holding her at bay. I don't like being a punching bag. I'm a god damn human being with real feelings and in truth, I'm ready to explode, tell her to fuck off and walk away, but I know that I'd feel guilty and regret it, so I just wont do it. I'm stuck here and until I figure out how to handle this, I'm going to continue to be stuck.

My close female cousin's girlfriend is in town. She's been here since Monday, so I need to drop by and say hi at some point. I'm thinking we should all go out to a bar or something one night and spend some quality time together shooting pool or whatever. My cousin can't drink because she's pregnant, but she can still have fun with pool. I hate pool, on that note, but it's all for the sake of spending time with people I care about and as far as I'm concerned, anything is fair game when it comes to that!

I've been spending a whole lot of time playing "Star Ocean: The Last Hope", with a bit of "Bully: Scholarship Edition", "Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare" and "Left 4 Dead" thrown in the mix from time to time. I'm trying to get 1,000/1,000 on "Bully: Scholarship Edition", but everything else is just for fun at this point. I'm almost done revising my SO4 review, so we'll see what happens. It should be done soon. I still need to play "Help Wanted" and write up my preview for that, but it should be pretty easy. Also, there's some big news! I'm getting a pair of the latest AXpro 5.1 headphones for review purposes! That's extremely exciting news for me! They're a $160 pair of cannons and they're widely criticized as one of the best all-purposes headsets in the world, especially for gaming. They're usable for everything, including gaming consoles, TVs and computers! First it was nVidia's GTX 280 and now it's the best headset on the market. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if we were offered an all-expense paid trip to E3 or something. My business partner never ceases to impress me with our latest developments! We're reaching for the stars and I'm starting to truly believe that our dream is really a possible achievement!

I haven't talked to my best friend or her boyfriend almost at all for the past two weeks or so. I'm starting to get worried. I lent "Fallout 3" to her boyfriend and I need to get it back soon, but that's not what I'm worried about. I just miss my friends and I hate being pushed aside for virtually no reason. My best friend is a very self-centered person, but she never admits it. She never admits it when she's wrong, regardless of the subject matter and she's extremely stubborn. Even her boyfriend talks about that and we're both sick of it. I miss my friend, but I don't think she misses me and to make the situation worse, she shows no remorse or guilt at all in any situation. She can lie about the most hurtful things and feel no guilt or remorse. She just does it without thinking. It's dangerous and it's starting to hurt. I'm not saying that she's lying right now about anything, but that's how she is as a person and I'm worried to shit about that. It's like I could die and she just wouldn't care. That's how I really feel.

The girl I could potentially like hasn't been so talkative lately, but neither have I. I'm starting to lose sight of our conversations because I never know what to say. I'm not as good about that shit over text as I am in person a lot of the time. I'm a very "IN YOUR FACE!!!" style guy. I have an extremely crude sense of humor, a very loud mouth and a completely extroverted personality. These days, that's just who I am and it makes text conversations a bit bland by comparison. Still, I hope that she comes around to hang out sometime soon. I'd like to spend more time with her, get to know her and see if anything developes. She's a great girl with a proper head on her shoulders.

Also, I'm sick of a specific set of my neighbors. Their household is fucking terrible, especially their son. Because the kid is an asshole, he randomly beat up a kid from school just because he's a nerd. He had a group of around a dozen friends, most of which were stereotypical black people. They backed him up and acted like the type of people nightmares are made of. The cops were called and our entire block is on neighborhood watch because of that kid. It's ridiculous. They need to move out or get their shit together. I wish there was something I could do, but for now, the only thing I can do is vent and let it all out.

Last but not least, eBay is getting annoying. I removed all of my billing and bank information from PayPal and I'm in the process of finishing off these last few auctions, but I think I'm going to try and get my account shutdown, which is a shame because I have 100% positive feedback and I just got my blue star. 50 feedback without a single dent. That's an achievement for me and it sucks to let it go, but I'm tired of being scammed, so that's pretty much all there is to it. Oh, also, I've been overeating a bit again. I need to force myself to stop eating and lose a bit of that appetite. Maybe gaining it back wasn't so much of a good thing, huh? I'm off to fap, bathe and pop some heads off over Xbox Live. Cya there! Take care!


Monday, March 9, 2009


Explanation not needed, but an ex-girlfriend from the summer of 2008 has returned to my life with a full-force bang. I'd never want to date her again, but we spoke on the phone for several hours and honestly, I don't mind being her friend, so long as she doesn't try to make any passes or serious advances this time. I actually feel a bit happy on the inside because we had a great conversation, but then she knows I can help her and she may be using me. I'm a bit afraid of that, so I'll keep her on the far side of the tracks. I only trust her as far as I can throw her. She asked me if I'd give her $400 for a night of sex; anything I wanted. I couldn't tell if she was serious or joking, considering her personality, but I was disgusted by the notion. It's fucked up and I shrugged it off with my morality, which I explained to her several times before she gave up. She's probably a whore to a certain extent, given that she's an asshat who fucked me over in the past. Same ol' story; story of my life, at that!

I also talked to my Australian ex-girlfriend briefly. As expected, she sent me a message and pretended like nothing ever happened, but she was extra nice to me. I'm assuming that she knows she fucked up and was trying her best to "make it up" to me in her own way, but I only gave her about 40 minutes of my time, which is far more than I should have, especially in my current zombie-like state. I don't know what her deal is, but she needs to grow up.

As for the rest of my day, I haven't played any games or even eaten much of anything aside from 1 nice portion of food at the baby shower and a pretty large plate of various desserts. At the end of the day, it was an okay party, but I didn't even speak to my close female cousin or her friends. I was having anxiety issues for some random ass reason. I don't really know why that happened. It doesn't usually get me in that way around most people these days. She wasn't offended though and I did send her an apology, sign her card, give her a gift, etc. I basically sat and talked with a few people and ate good food, then went home to my computer, where I fried my brain.

I did play a bit of "Left 4 Dead" with a terrific friend of mine from Florida. He just picked up the game, so I ran him through 2 of the campaigns and explained a few things to him. He's learning very well, as expected. He's a potential solid team mate for serious survival mode runs when it comes out sometime in the Spring, if he's interested enough. I'd be happy to have him on board for some survival mode, for sure! Aside from that, I just rotted my brain. It's almost 4AM, which is 4 and a half hours earlier than I went to bed last night, except I only had about 3 and a half hours of sleep last night. I need to get to bed and catch some real "zzz"s for a change. For now, sweet dreams. Take care!


Sunday, March 8, 2009


As I lay down in the bath tub, deep thoughts about life and the world around all of us came rushing through my head. I'm about to share brief bits of those thoughts with you, whoever you are. I wont go into very much detail because it's after 8AM, I'm tired and I need to be up, ready and at my close female cousin's baby shower by 2PM.

First, "Infinity:1". The idea that saving one person's life has the possibility of saving countless others. Who knows what could happen? An infinite number of lives could be saved or even destroyed just by letting any other being live. The choices you make to protect and destroy the lives of others could very well hold the fate of the entire universe. Sure, it sounds ridiculous and honestly, even I think it's a bit far-fetched in some respects, but if you put that into perspective, it's still a very powerful truth.

Next, let's talk about imperfections. When you love someone, is it because they're perfect? No? Well, is it because of their merits? Yes? No? How about their flaws? Be honest. Most people wont ever consider the flaws of another person as something to appreciate. However, I think that's precisely why most relationships ultimately fail. If you truly love someone, you'll learn to appreciate and even love their imperfections, as they're just as much a part of that person as their perfections. There's somebody out there for each and every one of us, but we could pass that person by simply due to a simple imperfection. A word to the wise: Give people a chance. You never know who could turn out to be Mr. or Mrs. Right or even an incredible friend!

Finally, I've made a conclusion about my Australian ex-girlfriend, once and for all. Simply put, if she really cared about me, she'd of been willing to sacrifice a few things to make it happen. I was more than willing and I had money saved up to move out there and be with her. I had documents drawn ready and waiting for her approval, as well as passport documents ready to be filed, paid for and shipped out for processing. All I had to do was get a Visa, even if only temporary for 6-12 months as a starting point and go from there, but she wasn't willing to cooperate. She insisted that she was willing and kept telling me that she'd go to her embassy to figure out which route we should go, but she just kept putting it off. In the end, I discovered that she truly doesn't care about me as she does other people. I was more or less a phase. She used me to fill a void when she had lots of problems and too much time on her hands. That's pretty much all it comes down to. As a result, however, she has an odd sort of attachment to me because we spent so much time together. She feels the need to have me in her life. She just has to be able to talk to me and she can't deal without it right now. With our first argument going on even as I write this, which is the only one since we've started talking again, she still treats me like dirt. She ignores me, hides from me and logs on for a second to see if I've sent her any messages. If she sees something she wants to respond to, she'll drop a single sentence in response and then immediately log off. It's almost always some sort of defensive statement, in which she place all of the blame on me because she can't admit it when she's wrong, ever. Anyhow, I need to cut this short so I can get some rest, so let's put it this way: I'm done with her. I wont be sending her anymore messages. If she wants to talk, she can come to me and if she does, she had better damn well be kind, respectful and civil about it.

And with that, I'm off to catch a few winks of sleep. Take care!


Saturday, March 7, 2009

Briefly venting...

Well, aside from playing video games for the past few days almost nonstop, I've basically just been having conversations with a buddy of mine and feuding with my Australian ex-girlfriend. I haven't talked much to the girl I could potentially like for the past few days, but that's only because she's simply busy. She even told me a few days ago about the stuff she has to do this weekend; she's quite a busy girl! Tomorrow is my close female cousin's baby shower, which is a bit abnormal in that everyone, male and female, is invited. It's cool, though. I'm happy because I'll get to spend more time with people I don't see very often, as well as more time with my close female cousin. As an added bonus, there's going to be a shitload of great food. Count me in, I say!

So, to vent just a bit here, that Australian ex-girlfriend of mine is an asshat. I think she has some sort of identity crisis going on up in that fucked up head of her's. I have no idea, but she keeps going back and forth. I'm at that point in my life where I just don't want to deal with it, so I gave her an ultimatum. She can keep me in her life as a good friend, but only if she stops playing these games. I've given her a "get out of jail free" pass, in a sense. I told her that there would be no hard feelings if she just said she couldn't deal with it and walked away because honestly, I'm considering doing that to her if she doesn't get her shit straight. Simply put, the girl is crazy and she better at least act like a normal, friendly human being if she wants to keep my friendship. I don't feel like venting all night, though, but that's the latest scoop. There's not much going on in my life the past few days, aside from...

RESIDENT MOTHERFUCKING EVIL 5! In 5 days, 1 hour and 22 minutes, GameStop will open it's doors for the midnight launch, where I'll pick up my collector's edition, rush home and play the fuck out of it straight through until I've completed it the first time. I'm extremely excited and my schedule is completely cleared for next weekend. Yes, I'm THAT big of a "Resident Evil" fanboy! Th-th-th-th-that's all, folks!

Take care!


Thursday, March 5, 2009

Busy day!

Today, I slept for a good nine and a half hours or so. When I woke up, I received an urgent text message from my close female cousin and after briefly texting her back and forth, I rushed to get ready so that I could go over to her place and fix her computer. Long story short, there wasn't much wrong with it, but she needed me to install some things for her, which is a bit on the bullshit side, to be completely honest. It was five hours of work that she could have easily done on her own with minimal help from me. After that, one of my best friends picked me up and took me to "Buffalo Wild Wings" with him, as is becoming the tradition every thursday. We had a good time, talked a bit, shared some laughs and played some Texas Hold'em on the video game TV things they have there. After that, I came home and rushed up to my room, where I opened and put in "Star Ocean: The Last Hope" for the first time. As I was doing so, I was immediately invited to a party with a friend, whom talked my ear off for a bit, then my other buddy joined us, who is still talking to me as I write this. After about an hour and a half of that, I put in "Bully: Scholarship Edition" for some good ol' fun. I'm still playing that right now because if I get into "Star Ocean: The Last Hope" anymore tonight, I seriously wont sleep. I'll probably start playing it tomorrow morning and let it be more or less my entire plan until the end of the weekend, unless my best friend, her boyfriend and the girl I could potentially like come over saturday night for some fun in honor of my best friend's boyfriend's birthday. I do have to review the game honestly, after all, so I have to put a lot of time into it. So, moving onwards, I still haven't received any sort of response or word from my Australian ex-girlfriend, which leads me to believe that she's just going to avoid me for a while, then act like nothing's wrong. When she does that, I'll throw it back in her face and walk away because that's an extremely immature way of handling things. If she wants immature, I'll give her immature; a taste of her own medicine, if you will. She needs to hear that, I think, even though she wont see it that way. That's about all there was to the day, honestly and I'm done for now. Not a lot of serious eventful things went on, so for now, this is Steve out. Take care!



Have you ever heard the story of "Pandora's Box"? If not, take a look at the Wikipedia article before we continue, which can be found here. If you're finished reading, reflect on the article for a moment. It can be interpreted in many ways, but for all intents and purposes, the bottom line is that Pandora's Box unleashed evil upon the world, but it also gave us hope. Without hope, it seems as though there would be no reason to want to live, but then again, would we have a reason to wish death upon ourselves if hope didn't exist? That's a really deep thing to process, really. I mean, would you give up your hope for the sake of removing all evil from the world? Both possible answers to that question have serious penalties if you put some serious thought into it. This doesn't have much to do with anything, but I was just pondering this today in the midst of everything else. Call it an exercise in critical thinking, if you will.

So, today's theme is apparently secrecy. Everyone has lost their fucking minds, I swear. I was talking to my Australian ex-girlfriend earlier and she started getting really serious, shut off her webcam, experienced a massive degree of frustration and refused to tell me what it was about because it didn't involve me. In the past, she'd never done such a thing before. If she said she was reading or doing something, she'd tell me about it. I'm not an extremely jealous or untrusting person, but I like good conversation, so I ask a whole lot of questions for the sake of keeping the ball rolling. That said, this random secrecy is driving me insane. There's not a whole lot that I can do about it, but to be honest, I'm almost ready to just cut her out of my life again. It's really not worth the nuisance, as much as I'd really like to try and keep her in my life as a close friend. It's just not going to happen until she gets her fucking head on straight. It might sound like I'm overexaggerating or over reacting, but honestly, there's not a whole lot I can do to explain how things were. You just sorta' had to "be there", in a manner of speaking. She's just growing more and more vicious and "blah" again lately and I'm starting to wonder why I ever let her back into my life. She's still unwilling to discuss most things on a whim and she's still very fake a lot of the time. There's not much else to say about her, but you'll definitely be hearing about it if I cut her out of my life for good.

The other act of secrecy today was my close female cousin's friend's doing. Now, I understand and everything, but why would you tell people that you have a secret, but not tell them what the secret is? That's an intentional peaque of curiousity and seriously dude, it's really stupid. It's human nature to be curious, so it's going to annoy me that she'd do that to everyone. It wasn't just me or anything; it was in a survey and was a part of our conversation. I wont press her for details, but my goodness, people! For the love of all that is good, stop teasing people! It's ridiculous!

Aside from that, I played a bit of "Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare" with one of my friends. I'm almost rank 50, which is very exciting because I'm only 5 levels away from the top! Prestige is for people with no life and I really don't give a rat's ass about a stupid little special icon. I'll sit at 55, work on my golden guns and finish 100% of my challenges there over a long span of time, just for the sake of doing it all. There was also a small amount of "Left 4 Dead" single player in there for a while and I tried to watch a few crappy movies, all of which I stopped not more than halfway through. I also played "Halo 3" with an internet friend that I'd never spoken to until tonight for the first time. We only played a single round, but we'll get our game on together in the future at some point, for sure. She's a hella cool chick and she's a very positive influence on everyone she talks to.

On the social front, I talked to the girl I could possibly like a bit more today. We had a great conversation via text messages, then she randomly disappeared for 2 hours to take a phonecall from her best friend. Afterwards, she replied briefly and after I sent my good night message, I'm assuming she had already fallen asleep because I didn't receive any sort of response. It's all good, though. I know she means well. She's a sweetheart.

As for business news: My business partner finally shipped out "Star Ocean: The Last Hope", which means I can finally open it, play the shit out of it, review it and move onto "Resident Evil 5" on March 13. I'm filled with excitement right now because of that! I probably drove him nuts about getting it out to me ASAP, but he finally did and I love him for it! It's sure to be the best RPG for the Xbox 360 yet!

And for today's purchases: I bought the "Ninja Gaiden II" mission pack on Xbox Live Arcade, since it's the deal of the week at 30% off. I also bought the original "Pac-Man", seeing as I only had "Pac-Man Championship Edition" previously. They go well together because they're so different from one another. Having bought those, my account is now drained of MicroSoft Points and I'm ready to get my game on.

There's nothing else to say right now, but there may be more before bed. Who knows? Take care!


Wednesday, March 4, 2009

7+1: The countdown begins..

"Resident Evil 5" will be in my hands around midnight on March 13, 2009. I can't wait to get my gigantic Collector's Edition box, finish the game my first time through in a single sitting directly after coming home and then replay it over and over again until I've unlocked every achievement and cleared all of the special modes, shooting ranges, etc. that the game may have tucked away in a neat corner.

With that little bit of excitement out of the way, let's talk about my day. First of all, things between my Australian ex-girlfriend and I seem to be okay. I don't know what's happening, but there's not a problem. I was looking a bit too far into it, I guess, but it was just a weird situation, I suppose. No big deal. I have myself under control for the most part these days and I'm happier in general because of it. Next on the list: My friend left basically directly after we woke up, which was around 2:30PM EST. Since then, I've just been conversing with people via IM clients and my phone. The Australian ex-girlfriend stopped by for a brief few moments to talk before she left to take her classes, but otherwise nothing had happened until a few moments ago. See, I met this girl on Craig's List, whom I will probably never speak to again after tonight. She's not a target and probably wont even become a long-term friend. Who knows, really? But anyway, she was in need of a DreamCast controller because her and her Aunt have been living alone together and don't get out of the house much, so they picked up a cheap system with a few games. I have 3 controllers, a fishing controller and a bunch of games, so I decided that I'd spare the controller and throw in a free copy of "Sonic Shuffle". I know it might sound like much, but my empathy got the best of me. I'm hoping that this will help make that girl's day and give her and her Aunt plenty of fun times. For all I know, they'll trash it or forget it in a few days. Hell, they may not even like the game, but you know what? I don't care. I just want to help people out when I can and for once, I found a way to do just that. She's on her way now, so I decided to take the time to write this while I wait. She also thinks she's paying $5 and is only getting the controller, but I wont break the good news to her until she's here. At any rate, tonight might be a gaming night, but I haven't decided just yet, so it's back to the drawing board, the internet and my ridiculous conversations. For now, Steve out! Take care!


Kinda' upsetting...

Today was a very boring day, of which I slept through most of. I did play "NecroVisioN" for PC for a good few hours, but aside from a few conversations, the day was very uneventful until around 11PM, when a friend of mine came over; the one I was openly avoiding. We were playing games for a good while, made some burgers, watched an episode of "The Office" and then watched "Kickin' It Oldschool", which is still playing as I write this. We've had a decent time thus far. I reactivated my NetFlix, messed around a bit with my PlayStation 3 and then the trouble started...

For a while, I was having a blissfully oblivious day. No emotions had been stirred up, no bad conversations took place and simply put, there wasn't much to be upset OR happy about, so I was just generally in an okay mood with no reason to be sad or anything. So, eventually my Australian ex-girlfriend showed up and we had an okay, although somewhat quiet conversation, after which she said she'd return within' an hour. She came back after a while, but signed off immediately. Then she finally stopped back on and called me a "whinger" because I jokingly made an offline comment about her not being back on time. After that, I made a few more joke comments, which apparently set her off. It's either that or she's in a bad mood, but I really don't know. Either way, it's really annoying because things were really good between us. We've been good friends, discussing normal things, acting like normal, happy people. I don't understand what her deal is, to be honest, but it's going to bother me until I find out what the hell is going on. She's back on now, after an hour of being gone and the movie is almost over, so I'm going to wrap this up for now. Let's hope the next post is better, eh? Take care!


Monday, March 2, 2009

Lame writing...

Whatever you'd like to call it, I wrote this when I was zoned out about 15 minutes ago. I think it's pretty lame in the overall scope of things, but whatever. It's pretty generic and you've seen this before a million times, but I guess it doesn't really matter, honestly. It's about an ex-girlfriend who I've been thinking a lot about, but I know I shouldn't be dwelling on this. It's history for a reason, after all. I guess I've just been thinking a whole lot about my entire life, really and this made me write generic poetry for whatever reason, so here it is. I call this one, simply put, "Heart".

At the top of the world, a young man cries,
For he has nothing to claim as he slowly dies.

You see, a long time ago the young man had hope,
A beautiful angel had his heart on a rope.

This story is a classic and you've heard it before,
But every time you hear it, you feel it some more.

The young man's love was flourishing for a girl,
He gave out his heart and she took him for a whirl.

He was blissfully happy with a constant smile,
If she said walk, he'd run a mile.

Through his eyes, he needed no one else around.
He had his angel lifting him up high off the ground.

One day, the girl started to change.
The boy took notice and felt the pain.

He felt a sting in his chest that he'd never felt before,
The girl just didn't care anymore.

Once a beautiful angel, she was an empty shell.
Not knowing what hit him, the boy was living in hell.

She broke his heart and set him on fire,
She proved to him that she was a serious liar.

Burned alive, the boy faded away, but he never forgot
The angelic woman who tied his heart in a knot.

Now a mere glimmer of life in a world full of hate,
The soul of the boy started to shimmer away.

As the lifeless dot started to disappear,
An angelic voice whispered near.

It was the beautiful voice of a love once lost,
Her once-beating heart had turned to frost.

An icy queen of the demons inside of his head,
Before the boy died, there was only one thing said.

"My beautiful angel, forget me not. I truly forgive you and I miss you a lot.
I'll always love you, my icy queen and when I fade away, you'll remain as my dream."

This concludes the story of the dead young man,
Who's emotions were stirred up like food in a pan.

Take this as a lesson and laugh it up,
Shed your tears and save them in a cup.

Those tears are memories of a much worse time,
When someone you loved perfected a crime.

Things will get better when you remove that hook,
Take of those rose-colored glasses and take a look.

The deepest emotions will stick like a wart,
But you can't have love without a heart.

And there you have it! I hope you didn't get too bored by my generic zoned out writings! Haha. Anyway, good night! Take care!


Sunday, March 1, 2009

My cousin must have lost her damn mind...

Yesterday, I wound up at my close female cousin's place. Her mom picked me up, as usual and from there, we hung out. For a good while, I basically just sat there and talked to her while she painted ceramic letter for her upcoming child's room; she's hanging them above the cradle and the letters spell the child's name. After that, I ate some of my aunt's delicious chicken soup. My cousin kept complaining about how oily it was and kept begging for something else to eat, so she wound up eating a corn dog while I finished my gigantic bowl of soup. I really liked the oily style, but anyway, after that was all said and done, my aunt and her best friend left for the usual Sunday night bingo. When they were gone, my cousin immediately rushed to figure out what mischief we could get into, since her dad was the only other person home and he doesn't give a shit what we do. She was going to get some E, but in all honesty, I wouldn't have done that and I'd of been pissed off if she did that while she was pregnant. Eventually, I talked her out of it and she started trying to figure out what else we could do without limited resources. After a bunch of phone calls and some research, she ordered a 5th of Captain Morgan and a slice of cheesecake because she was craving sweet stuff. We each paid for half, which took exactly all of the cash we had at the time, plus an extra dollar from her dad. While we were waiting, I helped her clean up the ceramic letters so that they were ready to be decorated and hung up later. After our liquor was delivered, I basically rushed to finish it and killed the entire bottle. Little did I know, however, that Amanda was sneaking drinks in and also wound up a little drunk. That seriously pissed me off, but I didn't say anything to her, although I really should have done so. Had her mother found out, she'd of been in deep shit and I'd of been in trouble for "letting" it happen, so I just sorta' shrugged it off, as hard as that was and tried to figure out what else we were going to do for the rest of the night. Eventually, I got in touch with the guy I've been avoiding and told him to bring some alcohol so that he could get drunk with me and crash there. He eventually showed up, drank a bottle of Parrot Bay and a few Yuenglings, then talked to Amanda for a while after my uncle called me upstairs for a while. Now, prior to this, the first time we went downstairs, my uncle had a long hour-long talk with me about business, his past and cartoons. That was a very entertaining conversation. However, this second conversation only had two purposes. The first purpose was to make sure that my friend wasn't driving, so he could take his keys if that was the case. He doesn't drive, so that was okay. The second purpose was his attempt to convert me to the ways of Christianity. Little did he know who he was messing with! I countered every argument he had and according to my cousin, I'm the first person who ever got him to agree to disagree because I argued my points so god damn well and because I know exactly what I'm talking about. I proved to him that homosexuality is portrayed as a good thing in the bible, that a girl sucks a horse's dick in the bible (and it's not frowned upon by anyone when said event happens) and also the good ol' Deuterotomy scriptures that tell you to kill your wife and stone your child if they fuck up. After I showed to him those events in the bible, he basically shut up and let me walk away without arguing anymore. I know that I'll never crush his faith, but now he knows that he'll never turn me over to Christianity, too. So anyway, by the time I headed back downstairs, I was feeling the peak of my drunkness and so I started being loud and mildly obnoxious, unintentionally so. I made a few stupid and silly phonecalls, only one of which I remember in full detail and eventually pissed my cousin off by talking to my friend until 4AM. He wouldn't shut up, though, so it wasn't just my fault. There was a lot of shit going on and we talked about it because we hadn't talked for a while. On that note, my friend encouraged my cousin to drink more and I'm going to have a serious talk with him about that another time. After all of that, I eventually fell asleep for about an hour on a really uncomfortable and unstable air mattress. I woke up around the time my alarm went off, which was set for my friend so that he could go to the diner before he went home to sleep a bit and head off to work. I was supposed to go with him, but it had snowed outside and it was far, far too cold, not to mention that I felt like complete shit. My allergies and asthma were both going nuts. I rushed upstairs after laying there for around 20 minutes, took my inhaler, let out a massive shit, took two Aspirin pills and then mellowed out on the small couch in the front family room until my friend woke up. After he came upstairs, he laid on the bigger couch and fell asleep for a while, which I told him not to do because my aunt and her friend would be up soon and would want a place to sit. He did indeed stay there too long and they were pissed off, so I did my best to cheer them up, make them laugh and make them tell me some stories for the sake of keeping the peace and making them happy. During all of this, I kept trying to make my friend sit up and make room, but he kept saying "I know." and going back to sleep, so my aunt and her friend just made everyone breakfast, which was delicious, albeit somewhat smaller than I'm used to for a breakfast meal. They made eggs over medium for us, a small batch of scrambled eggs for themselves, sausage for my uncle, bacon for us and fried potatos with a small bit of onions for us, as well as some toast with a light amount of fresh butter. I was very satisfied after my meal and a small glass of orange juice, which helped a lot to relax my potentially upset stomach from all of the liquor I had the previous night. Typically, if I drink that much, I'll have to throw up one time after an hour or so build up and then I'll feel terrific for the rest of the day. The usual headache shows it's angry face for about an hour after I wake up before the stomach pains and puke, but that's not a big deal. I just ignore it as best as I can and let it run it's course. Ultimately, my mother never answered my text messages, of which I'd sent a good 6-8 of them telling her how I needed to go home due to how shitty I felt. It pissed me off after my aunt and her friend dropped me off because I went up to see if she was home and she'd been sitting on the fucking house phone and ignoring my text messages. I even asked her about it and she said "Well what do you want me to say? My phone ringer was on low, so I didn't respond.", which is bullshit because she was texting back and forth during this small conversation. She literally just ignored my texts, so I expressed my frustration, went into my room, dropped off a few quick messages, set my away messages up and went to sleep. After a nice 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep, I hopped onto my computer, dropped a few messages to people and wrote this. That said, it's time for me to take a shit, bathe, grab some food and figure out what this day is going to consisit of. Steve out, for now! Take care!