Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Catching up again!

I've been having lots of conversations with random ex-girlfriends. Why? I have no fucking idea. Things are getting weird now, though...

With the ex-ex-ex-ex girlfriend, we have a seemingly perfect friendship, but she's trying to get a bit too close, so I need to watch myself here. She keeps hinting at sexual fantasies involving me, but she's in a devoted relationship with a guy she's always complaining about. She's always complaining about something, though and it's getting more annoying than it was even back when I was dating her. This shit is whack, yo. I don't even know what else to say. She's very two-faced, I think. I just want a common friendship with her, nothing more. If she tries to take it farther, I'll have to lay down the law and either walk away or make sure she's cool with being platonic.

With the Australian ex-girlfriend, she's in love with both me and her ex-boyfriend and I've discovered that she never loved me in the same way. I was, in a word, infatuation. She was using me to fill the void until her ex-boyfriend came back into the picture and now he's back. She blames herself, apologizes to him every time he does something wrong and is strung out over him like she's a whipped puppy. Her explanation when asked why was simply that she lost her virginity to him and that he was her first 'serious' relationship. He was the first guy who ever showed a SERIOUS interest in her as opposed to a mere casual thing. I can relate to that, but I don't like being in this position. I don't like feeling used, abused and thrown to the side. It's bullshit. I've always been "That" guy, you know? I'm sick of it. VERY fucking sick of it. In short, this girl is crying herself to death and losing sleep over this other guy and I'm getting caught in the crossfire as the "go-to guy". She comes to me with her problems more and more with each passing day and I used to always wish for that, but I'm starting to wish I hadn't done so. I was better off being kept in the dark and holding her at bay. I don't like being a punching bag. I'm a god damn human being with real feelings and in truth, I'm ready to explode, tell her to fuck off and walk away, but I know that I'd feel guilty and regret it, so I just wont do it. I'm stuck here and until I figure out how to handle this, I'm going to continue to be stuck.

My close female cousin's girlfriend is in town. She's been here since Monday, so I need to drop by and say hi at some point. I'm thinking we should all go out to a bar or something one night and spend some quality time together shooting pool or whatever. My cousin can't drink because she's pregnant, but she can still have fun with pool. I hate pool, on that note, but it's all for the sake of spending time with people I care about and as far as I'm concerned, anything is fair game when it comes to that!

I've been spending a whole lot of time playing "Star Ocean: The Last Hope", with a bit of "Bully: Scholarship Edition", "Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare" and "Left 4 Dead" thrown in the mix from time to time. I'm trying to get 1,000/1,000 on "Bully: Scholarship Edition", but everything else is just for fun at this point. I'm almost done revising my SO4 review, so we'll see what happens. It should be done soon. I still need to play "Help Wanted" and write up my preview for that, but it should be pretty easy. Also, there's some big news! I'm getting a pair of the latest AXpro 5.1 headphones for review purposes! That's extremely exciting news for me! They're a $160 pair of cannons and they're widely criticized as one of the best all-purposes headsets in the world, especially for gaming. They're usable for everything, including gaming consoles, TVs and computers! First it was nVidia's GTX 280 and now it's the best headset on the market. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if we were offered an all-expense paid trip to E3 or something. My business partner never ceases to impress me with our latest developments! We're reaching for the stars and I'm starting to truly believe that our dream is really a possible achievement!

I haven't talked to my best friend or her boyfriend almost at all for the past two weeks or so. I'm starting to get worried. I lent "Fallout 3" to her boyfriend and I need to get it back soon, but that's not what I'm worried about. I just miss my friends and I hate being pushed aside for virtually no reason. My best friend is a very self-centered person, but she never admits it. She never admits it when she's wrong, regardless of the subject matter and she's extremely stubborn. Even her boyfriend talks about that and we're both sick of it. I miss my friend, but I don't think she misses me and to make the situation worse, she shows no remorse or guilt at all in any situation. She can lie about the most hurtful things and feel no guilt or remorse. She just does it without thinking. It's dangerous and it's starting to hurt. I'm not saying that she's lying right now about anything, but that's how she is as a person and I'm worried to shit about that. It's like I could die and she just wouldn't care. That's how I really feel.

The girl I could potentially like hasn't been so talkative lately, but neither have I. I'm starting to lose sight of our conversations because I never know what to say. I'm not as good about that shit over text as I am in person a lot of the time. I'm a very "IN YOUR FACE!!!" style guy. I have an extremely crude sense of humor, a very loud mouth and a completely extroverted personality. These days, that's just who I am and it makes text conversations a bit bland by comparison. Still, I hope that she comes around to hang out sometime soon. I'd like to spend more time with her, get to know her and see if anything developes. She's a great girl with a proper head on her shoulders.

Also, I'm sick of a specific set of my neighbors. Their household is fucking terrible, especially their son. Because the kid is an asshole, he randomly beat up a kid from school just because he's a nerd. He had a group of around a dozen friends, most of which were stereotypical black people. They backed him up and acted like the type of people nightmares are made of. The cops were called and our entire block is on neighborhood watch because of that kid. It's ridiculous. They need to move out or get their shit together. I wish there was something I could do, but for now, the only thing I can do is vent and let it all out.

Last but not least, eBay is getting annoying. I removed all of my billing and bank information from PayPal and I'm in the process of finishing off these last few auctions, but I think I'm going to try and get my account shutdown, which is a shame because I have 100% positive feedback and I just got my blue star. 50 feedback without a single dent. That's an achievement for me and it sucks to let it go, but I'm tired of being scammed, so that's pretty much all there is to it. Oh, also, I've been overeating a bit again. I need to force myself to stop eating and lose a bit of that appetite. Maybe gaining it back wasn't so much of a good thing, huh? I'm off to fap, bathe and pop some heads off over Xbox Live. Cya there! Take care!


No comments:

Post a Comment