Thursday, June 25, 2009

Far, far too much liquor...

Well, Crazy Kim showed up last night. We barely talked because I truthfully, I didn't want much to do with her. She creeps me out and gives off the impression that she's a slut. I'm not into that whole thing; no hoodrats for me.

On that note, last night at Mac's was rather exceptional in some ways, but less appealing in others. We sat in a good spot, but our main spot up front was claimed by some random people nobody knew before we arrived. That was a little disappointing, as was the lack of other people who showed up. Many of the regulars were not there. A friend of mine, however, did show up, as well as one of his friends and eventually, my brother made an appearance. He was having girl troubles with his ex and wanted to come out for a drink. We stayed until 2AM, when our friend gave us a ride home, since my brother in-law bailed out due to falling asleep randomly while watching TV and not answering his phone.

So anyway, I spent most of the night keeping to myself, but I made a bit of conversation with my brother and our friend, plus a little bit with my other friend, who's there every wed. During my time there, I drank a total of 10 12oz cups of rum and coke. Now, these aren't your child's play drinks! Oh no! These girls know how to treat their customers! They would put 3-4oz of ice in each cup, then a splash of coke. The rest of the cup was filled to the fucking rim with rum. That' seffectively 6-7 shots of rum per cup. This means that I drank around 70 shots of rum, if you really break it down, over the time span of 3 and 1/2 hours. I was extremely drunk, but still no more than I usually am aside from personal physical feelings. I wasn't stuttering or stumbling and I could talk and think just fine. This is a true testament to my personal drinking abilities, but after that, I don't think I'll be drinking as much for a while. Last night was just a particularly glum night, I guess. Before my trip to the bar, I had a lot of stuff on my mind. One of my best friends did have his girlfriend buy us some delicious pizzones from Pizza Hut before we went to Mac's, so that helped out as well, but nothing helps as much as the drinks themselves!

We arrived back here at home a bit after 2AM. I sent a bunch of random text messages to people. I upset one of my best friends and probably creeped out the girl I like, although I have NO IDEA what I said. Drunk texting sucks! I should not be allowed to have a cell phone when I'm that drunk! I can think, but I sure as fuck speak before I think when I get that way. I felt pretty bad about all of that and I think it's time to do some damage control.

After all of that, I went to bed around 3AM after taking 2 Tylenol Extra Strength pills, which is very early for me. I slept like a baby and woke up around 10:30AM. I still felt drunk. I did not puke at all, but I felt like hell for a long while. Only now am I starting to feel better. Talk about rough around the edges!

Today, my close female cousin is trying to make me hang out with her. She knows how I feel right now and she's still trying to make me drink more or at the very least, go spend time with her. She doesn't seem to understand. It's either that or she's extremely selfish. I'm gonna go with selfish. No one else will hang out with her, so she's begging me to cave in and go over there, where I'll be bored and annoyed while my allergies act up and make this hangover even worse. In other words: I'm avoiding her calls and messages. I'll play it off like I fell asleep later. I don't like doing this, but it's that or listen to her whine all fucking day. I'd love to spend time with her, but just not right now; not with anyone. I'd also prefer spending time with her somewhere other than where she lives. I hate having allergies go off like that and there's never anything to do over there.

One of my best friends made a huge beer mess in my room the other day and failed to tell me about it, which means that it's been building up all of this time. The stench was hard to stomach, so I found out what it was, found out how to get rid of it and dealt with the problem. Hopefully that works. If not, I'll try some of the pet odor powder, which you vacuum up after it sits for a while. If THAT doesn't work, I'll buy some pet odor/fungus cleaner. If all else fails, it looks like I have an excuse to get rid of this nasty carpet and clean my room completely. We'll see what happens, but that took up a good hour of my day.

GameFly sent me "Afro Samurai" and "Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard". I've only tried one of them, which was "Afro Samurai" and only for around 45 minutes. The show is stupid and so is the game, but it's extremely fun. It's that stupid, juvenile kind of fun that only button mashing games like this really get right. I enjoy the game and I'll probably play it to completion, provided it's not too long. I don't know how much mindlessness I can stomach.

As of right now, that about covers everything that's happened so far today. I might head out to GameStop and get rid of a bunch of games to get a 120GB hard drive for my Xbox 360, as well as an S-Video cable for my PlayStation 2. I'm still debating, butt it's a definite possibility because I'm tired of not having either of those things. 20GB just doesn't cut it when you have as much DLC and as many XBLA games as I do. I don't even have room for everything that I actually own right now.

For now, that's all I have to say. Take care! Steve out!


Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Prototype, Kristy, Chrissy and other misc. ramblings...

The first news of the day: I finished the main story of "Prototype" for the Xbox 360. The ending was very anticlimactic and kinda' dull, but it definitely sets it up for a sequel starring Alex Mercer, which is all that I could ask for. The last fight took me a good 3 tries due to a rather annoying and ill-placed time limit, but once I figured out a strategy that worked, I made quick work of the boss without any real trouble. Upon game completion and when the credits end, New Game+ and Hard mode are both unlocked and the city goes back to it's original state in Free Mode, with very few people infected. The developers most certainly know what gamers want out of a game, that's for sure, even if the ending was kinda' bad!

Next up: Chrissy. She literally moved to PA temporarily, after hanging out with several people and essentially ditching me once. That's 2 strikes in the time period of 1 week since we've been talking again. It'd be cool if she came back from PA soon so we can resume our friendship and see where it goes, but I suppose I'm honestly not all too worried about it. This is just a general update for the curious. For now, she's essentially gone. All she does is mopes and cries about her ex-boyfriend, anyway. She has nothing else to talk about and doesn't want to hear anything else I have to say.

Third and finally, for the time being: Kristy. We've been talking again, but it's nothing serious. She said she missed me and just continues to talk to me on a semi-daily and active basis. The conversations are very positive, but I'll have to keep my current/recent stance with her and keep reassuring her that I'm not interested in anything more than friendship. So long as I keep reminding her of that, things should be okay. If they get out of hand, she'll go right back to being out of my life.

Now that "Prototype" is done and over with, I don't feel as tied down. I felt compelled to play and finish that game before I went into anything else hardcore, for some odd reason. It's a fantastic game, but I don't feel like 100%ing it or anything. That's good news, though, as far as I'm concerned because now I can play anything I want without feeling tied down for the time being!

Wed. is the weekly $10 all you can drink night at Mac's here in Essex. I'm supposed to be hanging out there yet again and hopefully with a few somewhat new, yet familiar faces. I'm looking forward to that, as usual. It's a simple pleasure that keeps me looking forward to each new week. I wonder if that crazy Kim chick will be there again? We'll see, I guess! If she's there, it's going to be a long and crazy night.

I've been spending an awful lot of time with my best friend lately. We at least talk every day, but we hang out almost every night. We game, talk and just chill. It's really nice to have a friend like that; the feeling is mutual.

Anyway, I'm not feeling bottled up enough to unleash anymore stuff right now, so I'll drop some more stuff in this crazy blog another day. Take care! Steve out!


Saturday, June 20, 2009

One by one...

It seems as though nearly everyone is having some sort of serious problem(s) right now. For me, it's a financial thing, health problems and difficulty finding a job, but that seems to be quickly changing.

First of all, Kristy contacted me recently. She told me that she misses me and we had a brief conversation. It looks like that streak has been broken. I don't really want to associate myself with her long-term, but apparently she literally thought I could have been dead because of how sudden my "disappearance" was. After I explained to her what happened, she seemed very happy and rather ecstatic, so I guess it's believable that she could have thought something bad happened to me for whatever reason. Either way, our conversation lasted only a handful of minutes, after which I went to bed for a few hours.

Next, I traded "Sacred 2: Fallen Angel" for Xbox 360 away. What I received in return was one hell of a deal! I had been wanting a nice PlayStation 2 again, along with a set of Swap Magic discs. Not only did I receive both of those things, but it's a mint condition slim console with 3 PS2 memory cards, 2 PS1 memory cards, 2 Sony brand controllers, all cables, a pre-modified sensor (so I don't have to do any of that myself this time!) and 156 games. I'm quite happy with my trade! I don't know how this one came about, but the guy I traded with apparently didn't care much for this stuff anymore because he's too hardcore into the current generation of gaming. He practically threw it all at me. I almost felt bad, but hey, one man's junk is another man's oh-so-sweet treasure! I missed having my own Swap Magic setup!

Aside from those things, there's another huge change, but in between all of that, I've just been hanging out with friends, playing a little bit of "Final Fantasy XI" and trying to keep myself active and social. I've been in a much better mood overall and I've made quite a few new friends. Relationships with a bunch of other people have also become much better, which means it's almost a chore sometimes to keep in touch with everyone here in Maryland! But hey, I suppose I'm not in too bad of a social situation if that's my only complaint with it, right?

Now, let's get on with the biggest recent occurance. Chrissy and I are now talking again. This wasn't going to happen. I ignored her first attempt, which was a simple text message that said, "Steve?" After that, I ignored a phone call. Next, I received a voice mail later on that same day, but I didn't listen to it for a few days. In that voice mail, she apologized to me and asked me to call her. The word "Please" was also used. Now, she did sound somewhat fake, but that could just be my imagination or paranoia. Still, I was going to ignore it and let life go on without her because I don't want to be hurt again. History only repeats itself. Eventually, I caved in and started off with a very brief and somewhat dickish text message that said something like, "I'm going to make this quick. What do you want?" She explained that she just wanted to talk and told me that she misses me. I was a bit reluctant at first and explained myself 50 times over, both via text messages and over AIM. Eventually, we seemed to reach a mutual agreement and after that, she gradually talked to me more and more again over the course of the 2 days we've been talking. So yesterday, my best male friend came over to hang out, as he usually does these days and while he was here, Chrissy called me in the afternoon and talked for a few minutes. Around 5 minutes later, she called back and asked if she could come over. I could have said no and walked away. That was my chance to finalize it or give her a real chance at being a real friend again. Because I'm not a total dick, I decided to let her come over. While she was here, I offered her some pizza and we just talked for a long time. Eventually, I went with her to the T-Mobile store so that she could buy one of the brand new model Sidekick LX cell phones. We didn't end up walking out of there with the phone. Before I knew it, she was being crazy and texting her boyfriend with phones from the T-Mobile store and trying to catch him ignoring her. She caught him and it set her off, which caused her to text him that they're over. She broke up with him right there, then walked out and started crying. So, for the next 3 hours, she sat in my living room crying her eyes out, then on my porch for another 30 minutes, then at White Marsh Mall and Buffalo Wild Wings for 30 minutes. See, I tried to cheer her up, but I suck at that sorta' thing in serious situations like that and on top of that, I couldn't get physical with her and hold her or anything like that, like most friends would. I just didn't trust her like that anymore; still don't. But we talked it out and I was trying so hard to stick to my guns and at least make her stop crying, which worked for about an hour. After calling my uncle and heading out to Buffalo Wild Wings, it started up like crazy again. She took her car and followed us there and I knew exactly why, but I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. When we requested our table, we got called in very shortly afterwards and I sat outside with Chrissy for a few moments to calm her down. That didn't work out, so we walked inside after my Uncle called me 3 times bitching me out for taking so long. He wasn't trying to be a dick, but Chrissy was ruining the evening and shit, it was her own fault! I didn't want to tell her that, but seriously, she broke up with him and was going in circles. We ordered our food and I basically downed an entire Mellow Yellow within' 2 minutes because I was so thirsty, but shortly after that, Chrissy walked out and said she had to call her dad back. I asked her, "Are you leaving?" and she said no. So I reiterated the point to give her a chance to be honest about it, but she said she was coming back. As soon as she walked out, my Uncle said, "How mch you wanna bet that she doesn't come back?" and I just nodded in agreement; I know Chrissy too well. Sure enough, she lied. She went to her car, texted me that she was leaving 10 minutes later and then went to sleep. I texted her a few times with no response, but later she said she was trying to lay down. I don't know how much I believe that. I think she was just crying and texting her (ex?-)boyfriend like crazy. She fucked up and so did her boyfriend. They're both in the wrong and they should both take a break and eventually find new people to date. They're young as balls and not prepared for a serious relationship.

So, no matter how you slice it, I think I may have made a mistake. I really want Chrissy to be a better person and I truly do wish that we could remain friends and get as close as we used to be. Apparently she trusts me still, but seriously, what the fuck? I don't know what else to say about that! I was happy without drama and she's already brought that back into my life. We've hung out ONE FUCKING TIME and she's already starting to stress me out again! I refuse to let this continue. In the future, I wont go so easy on her. I don't want to be a bad person, but I sure as fuck want to remain happy and if she thinks that she's going to use me for attention because she's having trouble in other areas of her life, she's going to be sorely disappointed. At this point, I'm wholly prepared to just walk away. I'm not attached to her right now like I used to be. So, I guess we'll see what happens in the coming days.

In the mean time, I'm going to go sleep. When I wake up, I might play some "Prototype" or "Dirge of Cerberus", depending on my mood and then go out to "Fattie's Bar & Grill" with my brother and his crew for a few hours. I could use a drink or 20 right about now. Until next time, Steve out. Take care!


Thursday, June 11, 2009

Ups and downs...

As I sit in front of my computer, it is currently after 5AM EST. I've been going to sleep later and later yet again, which means I'll eventually end up missing out on the good part of the day. I need to fix that as soon as possible. I like being a night person, but this is a bit outrageous. I would go to bed, but a lot has been going on lately and I think I need to clean out my closet.

I've accepted being single and I rather enjoy having my alone time again. I still love hanging out with friends, but I haven't had much of a chance to do so lately. Part of that is my own fault, but other people are just as guilty as I am. In general, no one seems to make plans or they outright ignore me most of the time. I see a handful of people every so often and an even smaller amount of people on a daily or semi-daily basis. Regardless, life isn't about finding that one true love or being attached to someone else's hip. I just had to relax for a while and bring myself back down to that mindset in order to function as I normally would.

These days, most of my time is spent in front of my computer doing absolutely nothing. I'll converse with people from time to time, but a typical day involves far less conversation and, aside from stuff that I'm reviewing, a lot less gaming. I'll play some sort of game just about every day, but most of it surely isn't for my own personal enjoyment these days. I think that's simply because I feel the need to get out more and just be social again. Once I can break into that again for a while, I think I'll be okay. There's one exception, of course. "Prototype" is now on store shelves and if I'm not sent that game for review purposes, I'll surely trade some games in and pick it up. I'll definitely spend a lot of time playing that game, although it's not likely to be as obsessive as my time with "Resident Evil 5" was.

My Uncle and I went through a phase in which we hung out and talked constantly, but we hang out less and less lately. I'm not sure exactly why that is, but it kinda' sucks. Our time together is special in a brotherly sorta' way and sometimes I truthfully feel like I'm not cool enough for him. Cheesy as that may be, it's just how I feel.

My "close" female cousin and I don't talk nearly as much. She's a much more enjoyable person to be around now that she's had the baby, but it's still not my kinda' thing when it's just her and I. We sit around and watch movies until her and the baby fall asleep, which just feels boring. She's a mommy now and I totally understand what that's like, given that I've seen it so many times throughout my life already, but it just feels like we don't have anything in common anymore. She doesn't like to use her computer much, she doesn't get out much and she doesn't like playing games much. She pretty much spends most of her time doing absolutely nothing. Even when her family is watching her child, she still doesn't do very much. I don't get it, but whatever. The last time I was over there, I came home early out of sheer boredom. I didn't tell her that and I played it off to be my allergies because I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't know what to do about her. She was being weird before the baby was born, but now she just doesn't seem very interested in doing anything.

My best non-family friend is in a relationship that he seems to be blindly devoted to. He cares for the girl he's with, but she's extremely immature and doesn't appreciate the relationship at all. She takes advantage of him and uses his money like it's not even a factor. She treats him like shit and makes him feel bad constantly. Now, I'm not trying to say that my friend is completely in the right here. He overreacts and takes some things far too seriously, but neither of them should be in a relationship at all right now. They're both pretty damn unstable and my buddy even admits to having co-dependency issues, although not in that direct context. He's always telling me how he "has" to be dating someone or he's not happy. I don't know how I can help, but my kind words and bond of friendship seems to help at least a little bit. I hope so, at least. In due time, he'll grow up and open his eyes. After all, everyone does at some point.

My grandparents bought one of my cousins an 80GB PS3 for obtaining his AA. They also gave another one of my cousins $500 for graduating from high school. Do you know what my younger brother received from them for his graduation? $100. It may have been $200, but it was substantially less of a reward. They always claim that we're all equal in their eyes and they try to make everyone believe that they don't play favorites, yet they give far more to the others in the family when they have far less to give. My brother deserved just as much as they do and they had more to give during that period of time. I guess we just never caught their attention. I don't know, but our household has always seemed like the group of family outcasts. I personally seem to be considered the family failure. Lovely, huh? It's certainly not a wonderful feeling, especially when they put down my dreams and discourage me very bluntly at every stop. Every time I see any member of my family, they find a way to make me feel like shit.

I've basically given up on the girl I currently like, but I'm not ready to completely let that go just yet. I know that I lack money. I'm also not much of a looker. Still, she doesn't seem to think badly about me, she's an awesome person and she said we'd hang out more if she had her full license. Right now, she only has her permit. It'll be a little while before she has her full license. Perhaps when she has her license, things will be better between us. We're not in a bad state and we enjoy our conversations, so we have that going for us, at least. I still don't think she actually likes me, though. We'll see, but if not, it's not the end of the world. Life goes on and she'll make an awesome friend.

The site that I write reviews for is both awesome and annoying. The guy I work with is a really fun guy to be around, especially because we both really geek out about video games. However, it seems like he's been less into the site lately, which makes me feel like this may all be for nothing. We both get tired sometimes, I know, but I hope I'm just getting the wrong idea and that things are cool on his end. I really want to continue this with him and the both of us have a wonderful dream that we can definitely make happen eventually. Only time will tell, but I just feel like the whole thing is in limbo right now. He doesn't seem to be as into requesting things or sending me news as he used to be; he lacks enthusiasm, I guess. I don't know. Whatever. Maybe I'm just getting the wrong signals. He does seem to ignore me quite frequently, though, both on AIM and via text messages. He says he's just busy, but is that really the truth? When he's sitting on AIM, he's at his laptop. When he's not idle or away, that means he's conversing. If he's conversing, why would he just ignore me? It's another thing that I just don't get, but I could just be paranoid. I like to think he and I are great friends, though.

More stuff seems to be going wrong on the financial side of my life. Not only did my phone break, but I currently need to gather $40 somehow just to keep up with the bills. I need a job very badly, which doesn't seem to be happening. Yet again, I've filled out tons of applications without receiving a single response. If I don't get a job soon, I'll have to cancel both NetFlix and Final Fantasy XI. I realize that it's a bad idea to keep both of those things when I really don't have the money to pay for them, but they're two of the simplest things in life that I rely on to help keep myself entertained and happy when all else fails. I'll get rid of them if I have to and they certainly don't rule over my life, but if I have to sell a game or two, I'd rather go that route. I have tons of other games and if need be, I can pay the bill with a very small portion of them.

I posted something for sale recently that could net me $150-200 if it sells. If it doesn't sell, there's not much I can do about that, but if it does, I can both pay my bills and get a new phone. It would fix my PayPal account, which is the last one with a negative balance, but I would also be up around $120 at the lowest price point even after that.

"Neo Steam" closed it's doors until the game is ready for the full game launch. Our characters will not be deleted, but the game will remain unavailable here in the USA until later this year. I stopped playing it frequently, anyway, so it's not a huge loss for the time being. It was just a fun spin on the MMORPG genre that I burnt out very quickly.

I've been experiencing all of the same weird chest/heart/head problems for quite some time now. Sometimes it's a weird, hard beat in my chest. Other times it's a very bad, but brief shortness of breath. Every now and then, it feels like my head is going numb. Those are not good signs. Somehow, the doctors say I'm fine, but how am I fine if this shit keeps happening? At this rate, I'll pass away before anyone can help me. That's one of my biggest fears, too. I don't want to die and especially not now. There's still a lot left for me to do before I'm ready to accept death.

I need to lose weight. I need to get fit. I need to tone my body and build stamina. I'm tired of being unable to do anything because my body is crippled in a sense. Sure, my back is fucked up and no amount of weight loss or muscular toning is going to fix that, but I can certainly make things a hell of a lot more tolerable. There are several things holding me back right now. For one, I can't very well work out at home due to the discouraging atmosphere and the amount of cigarettes that people smoke. I have allergies to cigarette smoke, but it also makes it harder to breathe, which in turn makes it harder to work out properly. Second, I already have a hard enough time breathing regularly. I don't know what the hell happened, but my body was somehow seriously fucked up when I had a pneumonia back during Christmas of 2006. It may have even been 2005. I don't really remember when it was, but it sucked and I was seriously very close to death by the time I finally found a way to the hospital. No inhaler or medicine seems to fix it, so I don't even know if anything can be done about that. Anyhow, the next problem is my back. I have a genuinely problematic back that spasms whenever it feels the need to do so. I could be comfortable, relaxed or even sleeping and out of nowhere, my back will start hurting so bad that I can't even breathe. It's almost like a state of paralysis and sometimes it lasts for several days at a time, rendering me almost immobile. Next, I hate working out alone. That's more of a personal problem that I need to get over for my own sake, but until then, I can't bring myself to do it. Finally, my brother pays for my Gold's Gym membership, yet no one ever wants to go. I can't get a ride most of the time because it's a 15-20 minute drive and my brother only seems to ask me to work out once a month or so and it's always at the most inconvenient times, like when I'm already about to leave to carry on with plans I've already made. In short, if I had an encouraging workout partner who was dedicated to the cause and was willing to work out with me on a daily basis and at my own pace, I would be golden. The problem is, personal trainers are expensive as shit and everyone else is far more capable than I am right now when it comes to working out, so they wont want to go at my snail's pace. Oh well. Such is life.

I never could talk anyone into giving me a ride to my doctor's office, so my sliding scale benefits are no longer available, which means I have absolutely no source of health benefits. I can't even get a new inhaler when I want it. All I needed was a ride to drop off a simple letter that I received in the mail to keep it going, but no one ever took me and so there's nothing I can do about it. In order for me to receive health benefits without insurance at this point, I'd need to contact social security and hope that they accept me. If all else fails, I'll have to start paying $100-200/month like everyone else does, which I can't afford, which means it's not happening. I already owe around $2,000 in hospital bills, according to my most recent statement. I don't think I can handle anymore. I can't even pay these bills as is. Thankfully they can't do anything about it other than harass our house phone, which I don't answer anyway. I always keep the ringer off on the phone in my room, seeing as I rely on my cell phone for most calls these days.

There's more to talk about, but I think I'll save the rest for another night. I need to sleep. The sun's already up and I'm tired as hell. I had a fun day, at least. I went out with a buddy of mine to a local bar that had $10 "all you can drink". He spotted me the $10 and we both drank a fair bit and had a good time, which is what got me thinking. Odd, I guess, but whatever. For now, I'm out. Good night. Take care! Steve out.


Saturday, June 6, 2009

Slumdog Millionaire

The only thing I have to say right now is that the movie "Slumdog Millionaire" is definitely worth all of the hype. Fantastic movie. See it. That is all.


Friday, June 5, 2009

What's next?

These days, everything seems to be breaking. It all started with my heart, then progressed into parts of the Ax Pro headset, which are being replaced for free thanks to the awesome guys as Tritton. After that, my Xbox 360 broke, causing me to make a big decision, which led to the sale of my PlayStation 3. During that time, my credit and bank accounts were all fucked up, causing me to go in debt far more than I could afford at the time. Now, my cell phone is broken. I didn't even drop it or mess with it. I just woke up and plugged the charger in, but it wouldn't charge. I tried everything the FAQs on the site recommend, as well as a few things I figured may have worked on my own. Ultimately, I discovered that the phone's charging port is just broken and irrepairable without paying for the service at a licensed technician. As much as it would cost, I'd be better off buying a new one, which means that it's time to get rid of some of my Xbox 360 games. I don't necessarily have to sell very many of them, but I don't want to get rid of them at all. This month of phone service is already paid for, too, so if I don't get a new phone soon, that's $40 down the drain. Great, huh? Yeah, I thought so.

In other news, I checked my Turbine accounts. The account tied to my press information had remnants of my work, which means that I had a lifetime membership for free. However, it was set as a trial membership because Turbine restricts their press accounts after 1-3 months, it seems. The way around that, however, is simply to upgrade your account with a new CD key purchased from their official digital store. In other words, I paid $9.99 for Lord Of The Rings Online + the expansion, Mines of Moria and upgraded my account to a full lifetime premium membership. I never have to pay a single penny ever again. The most I have to do is buy the new expansions as they come out, which is standard practice. It's a very fun game for what it is and tons of people seem to play it these days. This is a big perk, though and it gives me something to do when I feel like playing a "serious business" MMORPG. NeoSteam is the other one I play, alongside my slew of other video games.

Other than that, there's not much else to report today. I think I need to start writing daily again. I'm starting to feel overstressed again without unleashing my crazy thoughts upon you guys. Anyway, thanks for reading! Take care!


Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Things seem to be moving at a snail's pace, but progress is progress.

It's been more than two full weeks since I last updated this thing. I've been both extremely busy and yet not busy enough for various reasons. There's a lot to talk about, but I feel like it's just not enough anymore. I want to kick my life up a few steps and get things started, but is that even possible? Who knows anymore?

First thing's first: Chrissy. Since my last post, I've officially managed to avoid any contact with her, aside from a very brief accidental run-in. I told her boyfriend a few small truths, she sent me a nasty voice mail and I never responded. That's pretty much the end of it, but she's playing with that boy's heart and I don't like it. Oh well. I tried, but he wont listen and neither will she. Nothin' I can do about that. I'm used to being away from her, though and it doesn't sting as much as it used to. That saga is over now, though and I'm happy to finally be done with it.

Kristy and Emily both have not been a part of my life for a long while now. Emily hasn't even tried to contact me, but Kristy has sent me three messages, all of which simply said "hi". I'm invisible to her and she's not on my buddy list, so as far as she knows, I don't use Yahoo anymore. I did not respond to any of those messages and I'm damn proud of myself for that. It feels like it's been forever since I've been with anyone, but I've grown used to this whole thing and I'm perfectly fine with being single again. I don't really bother trying to date anyone and while there's that one girl who I'd date if the chance ever came about, I don't really focus on that. It's on my mind, but it doesn't stand out or slow me down. Life has become all about me and my friends, which is an entirely awesome thing that I almost forgot was possible. Living life without relationship stress or tie-downs is so freakin' awesome and I truly need this time to myself.

My best friend has been coming around very regularly; almost daily. He typically only shows up at night, but we hang out during the day from ttime to time. We share laughs, tell stories and sometimes play games, but most importantly, we support one another as friends. He's become a very good sport with my stupid jokes and even makes some of his own. In general, he's one of my main ties to the real world, along with my younger brother and a handful of others who I hang out with on a semi-weekly basis, but not nearly as much as my best friend.

I was reinstated on Avatar, which was awesome for a while. I met someone from my past all over again and I've been having a great time getting to know that person again. We've had several good conversations and we only grow closer by the day. Aside from that, I was working on a few massive side projects that aren't quite ready to be unveiled to the MUD or the other staff members just yet, but I think I'm completely done with that place. For whatever reason, certain people have been very rude to me who have been good friends and essentially mentors in the past. They've been trying to make me read the immortal laws, go through immortal school again and all sorts of other dumb stuff, which doesn't make any sense. I reported a bug and yes, I used it to check out the level 1,000 command list, but it was only on a harmless test port and I did nothing with that power. If that's why everyone is in an uproar, they can eat a giant dick together. If there's something else that I don't know about, I'd really like to know what it is so we can put this whole thing in the past, but I'm not dealing with anyone until they treat me like a human being. Until then, Avatar is dead to me. I'll stick to games that are actually fun with my real-life friends instead of working and socializing in a place where people apparently don't give a rat's ass about me. As a game, Avatar sucks. It's boring, repetitious and truly is nothing more than a game of numbers. It requires no skill and minimal knowledge to play the game, even up to the highest available tier at the time of this writing. If you can read and you can type at a moderate pace, you can play Avatar. They don't realize that my entire reason for working with them and playing there is because I care about the people, not the game. I enjoyed their company and we shared a lot of good laughs. I don't really know what happened and it kinda' hurts to think that these people, whom I genuinely considered to be friends for an extremely long time, think of me as nothing more than an animal. I don't really know how I'm going to handle this situation, but it's not at the top of my list right now. There's a lot of other stuff going on.

I'm caught up on all of my stuff, including my negative balances everywhere and I believe that everything is stable for the time being. There's still a lot of debt to pay off, but I'm working on that. I canceled everything aside from my ATM card and 1 of my credit cards, both of which get used only when needed and never for major purchases unless I'm 100% sure that I have the cash in the bank. I've got that under control, although I'm just a little bit on edge and I may have to sell one or two games to make sure it's all resolved, but I have a few games that are valuable and useless to me, so it's not the end of the world.

I miss owning a PS3, even though I rarely played it. I'll get another one when it's cheaper, but E3 didn't throw any curveballs out there that made the PS3 stand out as something that I need to have again just yet. I think I made the right choice for now, after having witnessed this massively disappointing press conference. MicroSoft totally stole the show, although Nintendo's announcements of "Super Mario Galaxy 2", "Golden Sun DS" and "Metroid Other M" were absolutely amazing. I never expected the "Golden Sun" series to be revived, so that knocked me off my feet. I was truly in awe and even made the :O face in real-life. "Red Steel 2" also looks really cool, even though the first one was very much a disappointment. They've put a lot of effort into making that game a really polished experience. Then we have "No More Heroes 2", among other things. There's a lot of good stuff hitting the Nintendo platforms, so thank you, Nintendo! I have something to look forward to for your consoles again! It's about time!

Financially, I'm broke as hell. I've dropped in applications both online and in peerson at so many places that I'm starting to wonder if there's a single place left on Earth that's still hiring. I need a job so that I can pay off my debt and start saving up to move on with my life. It sucks balls, but maybe that golden ticket will come my way and lead me to a stable job soon. Who knows? I sure as hell don't.

I haven't been hanging out with people very frequently aside from my best friend, but there are a few things somewhat planned. I also haven't spoken much to my Xbox Live buddies, who are also real-life friends that I just rarely see. They're both off playing different MMORPGs, so I just don't see them very often because of that. There's not much I can do about that, but everything will snap into place on that front eventually. It always does. I'm just in a dry spot right now, which means I feel pretty damn lonely on a daily basis.

Atlus has finally made their MMORPG, "NeoSteam", public. I took part in the semi-closed beta and while I liked it, I didn't really get addicted until it went public. Since it's been public, I've put a good thirty or fourty hours into it. The game hasn't even been out for a single full week yet and I'm already almost halfway to the maximum player level. There are players who put far more time into the game and level far, far more and are even up to the mid-60s already, but all things considered, I'm pretty high up there. I started my own guild, which has a good amount of members and I've made a few new friends from that. I've also made a few non-guild acquaintances, which could lead to long-term friendships. Who knows? Either way, I'm having fun with the game. If you're interested in checking the game out, it's 100% free and doesn't require a high-end computer to run. The address is and you can sign up, download the client and get started fairly fast! Hopefully I see you there!

I haven't spoken to my close female cousin ever since she popped her child out. She parties a lot and does some general stuff involving taking care of her new kid, but she doesn't seem to care that I exist now that she's not bored anymore. It's a shame, you know, but I saw this coming, as I pointed out in blogs a while ago.

I miss my buddy from Florida. He and I were close for a long time, but he rarely ever says anything to me anymore. He used to have long conversations with me and sometimes we'd play games together, but most importantly, he made it known on almost a daily basis that I meant something to him. He made me feel like an important part of his life very often and I really enjoyed that sorta' friendship. I don't know what happened, but there doesn't seem to be much of a reason for it. I just hope that works out in the long run. I'm tired of losing friends, especially when it's for a stupid or even unknown reason.

I haven't hung out with my Uncle much for a while, but I think I'm going to try and schedule something for this weekend if he's not busy. I need to get out, hang out and be positive. In fact, I may give him a call after I'm done writing on here.

I'm sure that there's a lot of things left to talk about, but I'll write about those another time. I'm exhausted. Take care!