Holy shit this is a long blog!

Aside from a little bit of gaming, I haven't been doing all that much for the past few days. I lead a rather boring life these days and I'm starting to get rather curious about a few things...

First, I went over to my close female cousin's house yesterday for around 8 hours. I planned it so that I didn't have to stay over there for the night because my allergies go nuts and I wake up with a really sore back. While I was over there, I played a bit of "Resident Evil 5" with my cousin, so that I could witness her supposed amazing ability to play the game. Well, she sucks balls. She's absolutely no good at the game what-so-ever. How she ever thought she could pass herself off as a fan or an elite gamer for this long, I have no fucking clue. She sucks at every game I've thrown at her and honestly, I knew it was a crock of shit from the beginning, but I was expecting at least the standard casual gaming ability, you know? Simply put, she's the biggest poser I know and it's not just because of this video game shit, either. She claims she's a Juggalo because she listens to the tunes of Psychopathic Records artists and goes to "The Gathering" sometimes. She also hangs out with a few Juggalos and while I admit that I'm not exactly a fan of their antics, none of them are really Juggalos. I think the whole Juggalo concept is bullshit and absolutely retarded, but if they want to be a part of it, by all means, go for it, but when you're a poser? That shit's ridiculous, no matter what it's about. And what's even more killer about her is how she "poses" as a lesbian. Yeah, she has sex with girls and yes, she's had a handful of girlfriends, but she still fucks men, obviously. She's pregnant and is due anytime from now until the end of April. She claims she has no interest in men at all, yet she got knocked up and it was legitimate. She's also apparently not as "proud" of being a poser lesbian as she claims to be. She never tells her parents or anyone she can't trust and therefor she's still "straight" in the eyes of most of the family. I don't know how she's managed to hide such a supposedly big part of her life for around 6 years when she's had such supposedly serious relationships with females, but everyone's clueless aside from myself and two other people in the family. And another thing! She claims to have done all of these crazy recreational drugs, which includes ridiculous stories of mixing coke, heroin, meth, pot, liquor, acid and shrooms all in one "cup" and drinking the mixture. The list of stupid shit that this girl lies about is endless and I'm fed up with it. I'm debating ratting her out for being "lesbian", among other things, but I don't think I could go through with that. The simple truth is this: As much as she lies and "poses", she's still my cousin and it would cause a massive dump of drama throughout the entire family if I let even one of these things out. Through their eyes, I'd also somehow be at fault. But whatever. I'm just going to stop hanging around her as much. I'll probably stop talking to her as much, too. Ultimately, I'll hopefully be able to phase her out just like I did the first time, only this time, it'll be permanent.

Next, my supposed best female friend is at it again, but then, I don't suppose she's ever stopped. In truth, I feel like I was just a guy who was there to fill some sort of void when she had no one else who really cared about her. All of this time, I've held her to the utmost standards and I've done everything in my power to help keep her happy. I've ditched people and left them at my residence late at night, even as late as 4AM, just to go sit in the ER with her for three hours when nothing was really wrong that couldn't be fixed by a simple trip to her normal doctor in the morning. I've spent a bunch of money that I really shouldn't have spent, just to feed her something she wanted, even though she had plenty of food at home. I let her "buy" a Zune from me without actually giving me the money, but when it broke? I took it back without forcing her to pay me and then tried to sell the parts on eBay, which didn't actually end up making me shit for money. I totaled out with around $40, when I would have made $130-150 had I sold it as a brand new Zune. I've listened to her cry, I've done research for her, I've helped her with serious problems; I've been a real fucking friend. In return, she walks all over my friendship and treats it like it's an unimportant piece of an unimportant puzzle. I'm always pushed aside, she always avoids responding to me unless she "has" to, she doesn't spend much time with me at all, she doesn't seem enthusiastiic at all when she's around me, she doesn't laugh much when she's around me; I could go on about this forever, but you get the idea, I'm sure. She'll take and take everything I throw out there, but she wont even return the favor with a simple gesture of basic friendship. She always claims that she's busy, but then I find out that she's really hanging out with her boyfriend or her other two female friends. Hell, just yesterday, they all went to the mall and I wasn't invited. It used to be that I was invited first, then everyone else was invited. Now, I'm not even an afterthought. She even claimed that she hates playing games, but then she'll go and play "Fatal Frame" games with one of her friends straight through until they beat it. Not only that, but she was "excited" to go play "Guitar Hero: World Tour" with the girl I used to like whilst babysitting for the girl I used to like's family. None of her words make sense once they've all been placed side by side and the reality is just that she lies to me all of the time for the sake of not accepting the blame. I'm done accepting the blame and I'm through with her bullshit. If she really values my friendship, it's time for her to grow up and stop treating me like a god damn animal. Anymore, I don't even know how I feel about keeping in touch with her. It hurts a whole fucking lot every time I think about this. I've rambled about this to countless people, including my best female friend herself and even her other friends. There's no real solution to the problem, so I think it may really be time for me to let go and move on. This is a lost cause and unless she pulls through, wakes up and opens her eyes, I'm done with her.

My Australian ex-girlfriend hasn't even dropped by or sent a single message over the past few days. I'm pretty sure that she's being a hypocrite. I did to her exactly what she did to me. Let me paint the picture for you...

During the evening here, which was early morning for her, she logged on and initiated a conversation with me. She asked a few questions, acted silly for a bit and showed off her cute side for around five minutes, but then just stopped responding to me. She had her webcam up, so I could see her typing and laughing about things sent from other people, among other things. It took her between five and ten minutes to respond to even the most basic questions and when she did respond, it was consistently a one-word answer. So, I did the same thing. I stopped talking to her, then eventually I said, "I'm going to go for now. Cya." and just logged out. I cut off communication at the drop of a pin, just like she always does to me. She's used that almost exact line, almost word-for-word, countless times. She talks to me until other people show up, then she pushes me aside like I'm chopped liver or something. So, that's the end of it. I sent her a few messages since then, which she'll get when she logs in. One of those messages included the fact that I was freaking out about stuff going on with my body. I told her that I loved her and that if anything happens to me, I want her to remember that, which is true. I'm cutting her out of my life, but hey, love is love and when you love someone, there's always a part of them branded into your heart, even after you part ways. In summary, she's gone. Even if she tries to contact me, she wont get an answer. If she does get an answer, it's not going to be something she likes. She'll quickly learn that it's time, once and for all, for us to part ways. My Australian ex-girlfriend will remain exclusively as a faded memory soon enough.

The other ex-girlfriend has already hopped from one man to the next, despite being incredibly flirtatious with me and the rest of the world. She acts like the entire world is at fault for her own problems, but the reality is that she's the cause of everything going on in her life. She told me every situation in it's entirety without sugar coating and I seriously have no idea how she can possibly blame other people. Her most recent ex-boyfriend took a trip to get away for a month because the girl is fucking crazy, but he lied to her about it. He made up stories to cover up the fact that he was just taking a break for a month or two. She found out about it by being a psychotic bitch and going through his e-mails and once she discovered that he lied, it was over. She was already fucking some other dude and is already practically in love with him. I'm pretty sure that she has no idea what love is. She's just desperate for attention and refuses to admit that her shit stinks. Still, I could understand breaking up with someone for leaving her like that, considering the slew of lies and such, but moving on like that? Blaming the world for her own problems, when she's the one who caused him to get away like that? Psh. She's an asshole and she needs some serious help, which is funny because she's a Psychology major. I think I may need to stop talking to this girl, too. It's actually starting to seem as though I may be better off keeping just about every female I know at bay, at least for the time being.

There's also a supposed friend from long, long ago whom has been giving me a bit of a headache. I'll call her my "stripper friend" because that's what she's been doing for a living for the past 7+ years. I met her in middle school and back then, we used to hate each other. We were both at the bottom of the chain back then and we were both considered social outcasts. After a few years of insulting one another on a daily basis, an ex-friend of mine re-introduced me to her and we resolved our differences. See, I've always had feelings for her, even back when we were immature and constantly ripping into each other with a slew of insults. She never knew it and she never felt the same way about me, but those feelings are a major part of the big picture, so keep that in mind. Moving on with the story, we didn't really talk after that. I had no way of really getting in touch with her anymore because my ex-friend started being a complete and utter douchebag. I lost touch with him after a very quick period in which I phased him out, then I damn near forgot about my stripper friend. That is, until one day when I was at GameStop shopping for a while. I didn't recognize her at first because I wasn't paying any mind to the people around me. I was focused on the massive selection of games at my fingertips, trying to decide which game (or games, as the case may be) that I was going to play next. When I went up to the counter to check out, she walks up behind me and initiates a conversation, standing alongside her boyfriend of the time. After that, I wound up with her number and her e-mail address. Things went uphill from there for a while. We constantly talked over the phone. Not a day went by in which she wouldn't call me. Eventually, I had to start calling her because she started trailing off a bit. Then, out of nowhere, she seemed to have disappeared. I didn't hear from her for months on end, until one day she gives me a random call and starts pouring her heart out to me about how she has such a bad life. Since then, we've been very "on and off". We never talk on the phone and when she's logged into any IM clients over the internet, she's very unresponsive. She's flaky at best and hasn't spent any amount of time with me for a few years now. The only thing I know about her at this point is that she's been seeing this guy on and off for a long time now, just like her past boyfriends, and no matter how much he hurts her, she wont let go. I've told her I love her and I've straight up asked her if she would ever want to be with me because I'd show her how a real relationship is supposed to work, but she always ignores it. I've given up on trying to make anything more than a basic friendship out of my standing with her, but our friendship is even up in the air right now because it's hard to keep a friend who doesn't want to be kept. We'll see what happens, but I really don't see her and I being friends for much longer. She's going to wind up getting into some sort of crazy situation and disappearing, only this time it may be forever.

I've been ignoring one of my best friends lately, but I think it may be time to clean up my room just a bit and have him over again. I think my break time from him has come to it's end. I'll just have a serious talk with him about respecting my property and call it a day. Maybe he'll listen this time. If not, I just wont respond to him again for a few months. I may actually give him a call today and see what he's up to.

It's been a few weeks now since I've seen one of my other best friends, whom I used to go to "Buffalo Wild Wings" with quite frequently for a brief period of time. He tries to get in touch and he makes an effort to hang out somewhat, but generally I just don't spend much time with him because his personality is annoying as fuck. He's the guy who talks about sex and chicks nonstop. He also insults my taste in music, games and just about everything else. When someone disagrees with his opinion, he can't accept it. He has to force his opinion upon others and if you don't agree with it, he'll get angry and cut things short. By that, I mean he'll drop me off at home earlier than expected, as one primary example. I can't really have a conversation with him because we only agree on like two subjects, as far as I can remember. It's ridiculous and it just makes things stupid. I don't know how he and I ever managed to hold our friendship together for so long, but I'm assuming he'll be a thorn stuck in my side forever. He's a great friend, but he's a difficult person to be around. I wont be getting rid of him, but I had to get that off my chest. Hopefully I'll see him sometime in the near future. Perhaps I'll have him and the two other friends of mine that he knows all come with me to hang out at some point. Maybe I'll get my Uncle in on it and we'll all head out to The DuClaw for a night of drunken fun. We'll see what happens, I guess!

Speaking of my Uncle, he dropped by recently so that I could modify his PSP, but my Pandora Battery is broken. I believe that I wrote about this before and I pointed out that we were trying to game share, but he has yet to drop me his information so that I could get his games on my PS3. He already has mine and he downloaded the games, but he still hasn't set me up with his stuff. We tried once, but he forgot his password, apparently, so he has to get it changed or reset. I guess it's not really his fault, but I was looking forward to playing "Castlevania: Symphony Of The Night" via PS3 for the sake of having it dominated on every console that it's been released on. That's the only version I've yet to complete, even though they're all identical anyway, aside from the Sega Saturn version. Oh well, though. Maybe I can get other people to game share with me in the mean time. I'd like to try out more of what the PSN has to offer, but finding people who are willing to let me use their account for game sharing is a difficult task. I've only asked one other person, but he's reluctant to let me use it because I don't have any games he really cares about on my account. That's understandable, considering I'd be the one benefiting almost entirely from the game sharing, but it woulda' been nice to try out some of what he has. Maybe I'll drop by the CAG forums and see if people on there are interested in some game sharing. Who knows? I might get lucky!

The girl I could potentially like hasn't been all that interested in me. We've barely talked to one another and when we do talk, it's very brief. I don't ever know what to say because she doesn't give me any sorta' setup and there's no way I can grab her attention. She's a very easy girl to please, but she's not into most of what I am, it seems. I've relaxed a bit, although I definitely want to get to know her better, but it's difficult to do that when she never wants to hang out with me unless my supposed best female friend is around. In her case, that's more understandable because she's only really hung around me two or three times. She doesn't know me very well and she's a bit shy around people she's not all that comfortable with. I'll probably cut back on my communication with her just a bit to keep things simple, but we're supposed to be joining my supposed best female friend and her boyfriend for their 5th month anniversary celebration, although it's a bit ridiculous that they're making such a big deal out of it. We're all supposed to be going out for dinner and a movie. I'll probably go, provided I can afford it, but we're set to do this tomorrow evening sometime. I told them I'd go, but honestly, I haven't really made up my mind yet because of all the drama going on.

I haven't talked to my original "Resident Evil 5" partner for a week or so now. We were actively talking to one another and getting all buddy-buddy for a few months, but he just sorta' disappeared. I think he's just busy with school, "Final Fantasy XI" and other random stuff, but I miss him. He's a great guy and we have a lot of fun gaming together. I'm sure he'll turn up soon enough, though. He always does!

My room is a complete and utter mess. Something has to be done, but there's no way I can do it alone or even while other people are home. I need to unhook and move everything outside of my room and into other places while I clean it up, which is impossible because we have no room for my stuff anywhere else. It's a paradoxal situation that's driving me insane. Once I get the energy, I'll at least clean it all up and pack lots of shit away in the closet, but I can't really dust it, vacuum it or rearrange it by myself. That just isn't happening. Maybe I'll down a few energy drinks or take a bunch of caffeine pills once I'm fully awake today and see how much of it I can get done. I'd like to have an organized living area again, after all!

One of my friends now lives down the street from me for the time being. His girlfriend and her family took him in because he was having trouble in a few ways where he was living previously. This is somewhat exciting because we can hang out more often once I've cleaned my room up. He's a very cool guy and perhaps we'll set something up in the very near future. Liquor and video games sounds like a classic guy's night in and I'm sure we can make it happen!

A friend of mine that I originally met through Avatar, which is a text-based game I used to play obsessively during my younger years, is having a bit of trouble with his finances. He tries to keep in touch and we talk just about every day, but when we try to game together, there's just nothing we can play. He's trying to get "Resident Evil 5" and "Saint's Row 2", but his funds are a bit low right now and so he can't pick up either of them just yet. Hopefully he sets himself straight and works everything out, though. Even without those games, I care about the guy and he needs to get back on track. I'm sure everything will be fine soon enough in his case, though. One thing's for sure, though: When he does finally get "Saint's Row 2", we'll have one hell of a damn fun time together.

My very good friend from Florida hasn't been very active in relation to me lately and while I know he's just spending time with real-life friends and keeping himself on top of school related things, I just miss him. That's a very obvious recurring theme right now, of course, but I genuinely miss him and my other good friends. I'd very much like to game with this guy, but he doesn't have much money and isn't into all of the same games that I am usually. Hopefully we'll get to play some "Left 4 Dead" or maybe some good ol' "Halo 3" together soon. If not, maybe some "Rock Band 2". We'll see!

I've been thinking a lot about the friendship I used to have with one of my ex-best friends from California. He went on and on about how we're family and he kept saying he'd come move out here to get away from there and all of this other shit. This was even after we'd stopped talking for a long time, then got re-acquainted, which happened several times. We were close friends and we did help each other out with some shit here and there. Out of nowhere, though, he just removed me from his friends on MySpace and FaceBook and stopped responding to me on every messaging program out there. I don't really know what the fuck happened, but I know he's around and active. I assume that he just got super addicted to working out and playing "World of WarCraft", which he was starting to get addicted to anyway, but seriously, what the fuck? Why would he just up and remove me from his life like that? I didn't do anything to justify that much of an extreme reaction. I was always there for him and I tried my best to get him involved in things, but he kept being a dick about everything. I don't really know what his deal is, but I guess I should be glad that he's gone. No one needs people like that in their life, right? Right?! I hope I'm right because I really hate feeling so bad about this situation, even though this all happened a few months back.

I helped my sister repair her Wii, which she has yet to ship back out to Nintendo. She kept procrastinating and put it off until someone else did the work for her, but I gave in because I'm a nice guy and a few days ago, out of nowhere, I had the sudden urge to check Nintendo's site for her. When I did, I had her bring me her Wii console, typed in her Wii's serial number and found out that her Wii is under full warranty still, which means she's eligable for a full repair. Her Wii has had serious disc read errors for several months now and she just didn't even bother to do anything about it. She'd complain to no end and bitch about how she misses having a Wii because she played it nonstop, but she wouldn't even go to the god damn website and type in a fucking number. What a lazy bitch. She's always an asshole and I get fired up just talking about her, but I'll save that for another time. Rest assured, I'll get to it one day and when I do, you'll be reading all day about how much of a bitch she is to everyone around her.

The job market is dead around here. I've been applying to shitloads of places using "SnagAJob", which seems to work just fine for plenty of other people, but I can't get hired anywhere. I just want a part-time job so that I can pay off all of my credit debt, as well as all of my backed up hospital bills. After that, I'd like to save up for a car, pay for all of the necessary crap to get my permit and license, then see where I go from there. I have a plan, but I need a part-time job to go through with it. If anyone reading this has any advice, information or even a connection that could simply get me a basic job, regardless of the work field, please contact me immediately and let me know what's up. I'm desperate at this point!

I'm pretty sure that's all I have to talk about right now, but holy shit that was a lot of stuff. I didn't realize how much stuff I had on my mind until I scrolled back and took a look at what I just wrote. Such is life, I guess. Steve out. Take care!

-SM