Sunday, January 25, 2009

I'm a glutton for punishment, apparently..

Despite my findings about the girl I like, I can't stop thinking about her. She still stands out in my mind at every corner. We had a brief chat before I went to sleep earlier tonight, but she made one sweet comment, then said that we "need to do something together" soon. She may be coming over tomorrow. What's wrong with me? Why am I letting this happen, even after knowing what she's doing? I'm letting her fuck with me and it's my own fault at this point. I just can't stop. There's no way I can back down. I can't bring myself to do it. There's something about her that I can't quite place my finger on; I need to have her. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I feel broken. I know I'm fucked up for continuing this game, even after knowing I'm only being played. She hangs out with and fucks her most recent ex-boyfriend sometimes, she's never very clear about things and she flirts with a bunch of other boys, self-admittingly for nothing other than attention. She is, quite literally, an attention whore. I'm just one of many, but I can't help jumping at every chance I get for her attention. What's wrong with me? I wish someone would tell me because I surely don't fucking know. I'm a wreck right now and I don't think I can end this chapter myself. I need to let things run the intended course, keep acting like a moron and get hurt before I'll really stop. It's masochistic and I know I'm in for a world of hurt, but that's the only way that this is going to end. I wont stop until I've been beaten, tattered and thrown to the side. I think I fell for a girl who doesn't want to fall for me...


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