Friday, February 20, 2009

Laugh it up.

I can't help but shake the feeling that something bad is about to happen and that I can do something to stop it; I just don't know what that "something bad" is or how I can stop it. It's crazy and I don't know if anything is going to happen, but it's one of those really strong inhibitions that people get from time to time and I just don't know why it's happening. That aside, I can't help but have feelings for the girl I like and it's so hard for me to shake that off. I keep getting urge to text her to remind her of how I feel and tell her that everything is okay just to make her smile, even though I know she really doesn't want to be with me and that she really doesn't care about my feelings. She only wants the ability to get attention from me. She wont make any effort, so why should I? I just have to keep those thoughts in mind or I'll let loose. I have to tame the beast inside of me, set it free and keep myself in check. It's going to take a lot of work and I'm seriously going to need the people who care about me to knock some sense into me on a constant basis, but I'll get through this eventually. I just can't get her out of my head for very long. I want to talk to her. I want her to smile. I want her to be with me. Those feelings are still there and will be for a while. I just had to vent and get this out. My anxiety is taking over and it's starting to hurt. I hate these chest-stabbing anxiety attacks. It's bullshit. I need to fall out of love, move on and take my best friend's advice. She knows what that advice is.. I just don't know if that girl would see anything in me. I get the feeling that she'd turn me down or something. Maybe I'm just all out of self-confidence right now. I don't know, but either way I'm just dead right now and I need to move on. I know that this is basically a repeat of the same shit all over again, but god damnit, I can't help myself. Somebody help me... Take care.


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