V to the D to the L

Well, Valentine's Day was both awesome and shitty. On the negative side, I talked to my old friend Leona, who I comforted briefly and asked to hang out, but she ditched me. The girl I like also had plans today, which is okay. They weren't actual Valentine's Day plans with someone else or anything; she just didn't expect all of this stuff to come rushing out into the open, so she already had stuff planned. I understand and I'm going to make it up to her. If I can pull it off in time, I'm going to bake her a heart-shaped cake with red icing and the first letter of her first name in the center. Also, I don't know how I'll handle myself when I'm alone with the girl I like because it's hard for me to "zone in" at first. I'm comfortable with her, but I need to get into that comfort ZONE, you know? If we can make it through that phase, it'll be terrific and I wont have any trouble. I just feel like a mental and emotional cripple at first with any new potential girlfriend. However, I don't think I have to do or say anything special to impress her. That's not to say that I wont do nice things or treat her well, but I just don't think she wants me to change. Otherwise, I wouldn't be the guy she wants. On the positive side, a lot of great things happened today. First, I woke up to a call from my sister-like friend around 10AM. I hadn't even been asleep for a full 4 hours by that point, but for her, I woke up and did what I could. We talked for about an hour about boyfriend problems and a serious situation that I'll keep to myself because she trusts me to do so. I don't break her trust. I never would. We worked it out, though and I think that everything is going to be okay. I was there for her, just like she tries to be there for me when she can. I was also there for her boyfriend, who is a fucking great guy, but really needs to relax and grow up a bit. That's all it comes down to, really. He's just immature in the emotional sense just yet. Anyhow, I talked to the girl I like for most of the day and we had terrific conversations via text messages. A lot of nice things were said and at one point, she even called me cute. She also seemed very content and happy on an emotional front. Now I know that she's not completely over her most recent ex-boyfriend and that in some ways, she still wants him. That's just how it goes when you break up with someone. It does suck, but I'll deal with it. For her, it's worth it. She wouldn't cheat, as far as I know and I don't think she'd lie about it even if she did. I'm pretty sure that, despite the handful of stupid lies that she's told, they were just that: stupid lies with no purpose. She doesn't lie about anything that's important, no matter how much it hurts. She's proven that many times by now. She doesn't seem to lie very much at all to me, but she's lied about some very stupid things in the past. I guess a lot of people do that, but I just found it very weird that she'd lie about "not laughing during a movie", for example. Quite a stupid thing to make up. Anyway, she and I are getting even closer. It's to the point that she'll tell me anything in complete honesty no matter what it is. I can ask her anything and she'll tell me. I'm the same way to her, too. It's getting serious on the trust and honesty front. All of that aside, I went out to "Scaryoke IV" with friends at a local bar & grill. I saw a few people that I rarely see and had quite a bit of fun. I had two drinks, which didn't do anything to me, as expected, but they were tasty, as usual. A lot of ridiculous jokes were made, I shared a few bits of information and obtained a few bits of other information; all for the purpose of eventually making one another laugh at a later time via the internet. We're a bunch of movie, internet and music dorks, so it's a terrific atmosphere for someone like me. I was there for around four hours and when I came home, I relaxed for about two and a half hours before writing this. On that note, the girl I like was supposed to party tonight, but she went to sleep for a while and just never responded. I have a feeling that she either got so drunk that she didn't bother touching her phone and passed out eventually or that she just slept through it. Either way, I'm confident that she handled herself properly. We'll see, I guess. Worried as I may be, it wont drag me down. She's coming over and for the first time, at least I hope, I get to wrap my arms around her and openly say to her in person the words, "I love you." I don't know if I'll get that far just yet, but we'll see what happens. If she avoids sitting next to me, there's not much I can do. I wont force her into it. However, if we're trying to get closer, I'm confident that it'll happen, at least to some extent. She will hear those words in person for the first time from me, no matter what. She knows I feel that way, but it's a totally different ballgame when it's in person. It may make me sound like a loser for talking about it over text messages, but I hadn't the chance to see her and it had to all come out before I lost my mind. I think it'll put things into perspective more for her when she hears it and "feels" it in person. We'll see what happens. Oh, before I go, I'd like to point out that my Mom gave me a bag of candy and $10 for Valentine's Day just so I had "something". She's always done this and as much as we butt heads, it's something I look forward to every year, yet I forget about it the day it happens. It's always a surprise when Mom comes to bring me my gift(s) for the big V Day. Anyway, that's my story of Valentine's Day Love, in a nutshell. Today was the first day that I really talked to the girl after the big confession and argument and it's kinda' funny that it all really started on Valentine's Day. I love her. I hope she's able to love me. For now, game over. Take care!

-SM