A weird night...

I went to the doctor today, where I applied for PAC, among other things. In short, my visit resulted in an 80% sliding scale fee, which is wonderful and I now have a 2 week supply of Amoxicillin for my swollen tonsils. I don't have strep throat, a fever or tonsilitis, but my throat is as bad as they come in terms of swelling. After that, I went with Mom and my sister to Wal-Mart, where I looked around, filled my prescription and then left to another Wal-Mart. Neithr of them had what I was looking for, so I convinced Mom to take me to Best Buy as one final stop before we headed home and as of then, I hold in my hands a Kyocera Wild Card through Virgin Mobile. I was tired of my old pink TNT. I couldn't even receive picture messages, for fucks sakes! I needed more and I've become a texting maniac, so that phone was pretty much my only option and at $90, I considered it a steal. I'm loving it so far, although the battery life is a bit disappointing because I'm used to the ridiculous battery life of my old cheap, but durable and long-lasting pink TNT. Anyway, throughout the day, Mom kept giving me random shit about stupid things. There were tons of bad arguments and she kept trying to dig deep and make me feel like shit, which honestly just made me think more about the rest of my life; nothing to do with her. I zoned her out and disappeared into my own world for most of the day. When we came home, I set up my plans for the night with a friend of mine. We were heading out to a strip club with my brother and one of my cousins, but only after we dropped by Wal-Mart so my friend could pick up a few toiletries and some MicroSoft Points. So after we hung out at my friend's house for a few moments and hit up the club, I quickly realized that I was out of money. I couldn't tip any of the women and I'd already downed 5 beers by that point; within' the first hour. I kept on drinking at the expense of my ever-giving friends, who said I needed to get drunk and forget the world because shit has been bad lately, but eventually I texted the girl I like and that's where things went downhill. Everyone knows that it's a bad idea to text or call people you have a love interest in while you're drunk. I broke that cardinal rule and honestly, it wasn't as bad as you may expect; at least, her reaction wasn't. However, I think she's probably terrified by the notion of how I feel about her now. The truth is out, though. She doesn't know what she wants, she's a self-admitted attention whore, she's just not interested in me right now and she feels bad about it, but there's nothing either of us can do to resolve it. I'm pretty sure that I'm sickly in love with her and she knows it by now, but I can't tell you exactly why; I really don't know how or why this happened. She knows everything. I came clean 100%. I want her, but she has no real interest in me. She just wants more attention. I don't know how I'm going to handle this, to be completely honest with you, but I'll figure it out in due time. For now, the materialistic happiness of my new phone is keeping me happy, but when that fades, I can't say how long this happy high will last. My friends are there for me and even the friend I thought I was losing seems to be sorta' coming through more and more again, but I don't know if karma is preparing to kick me in the balls again or what. Life sucks, but I'm making the most of what I have...for now. I love her, even if she doesn't love me. I accept it willingly. This post has been brought to you by a somewhat drunk Steve, his giant balls and random thoughts about life and it's contents. Sweet dreams, reader(s). Take care!

-SM