Since the last time I wrote anything, a good bit of stuff has happened. It's been an eventful 2 days and I'm buzzin' right now from alcohol, thanks to The DuClaw in Baltimore City. The other day, I sent the girl I like a long message via MySpace, since it's the only way she has to receive long pre-written messages. This message included everything, from the good to the bad and even right down to the ugly. She didn't even care. She laughed it up and said "You have a right to feel that way. I hurt you, although I didn't want to do that. I can't change that.", which was a bit different than I was expecting. Inside info proves that she's an asshole, in summary and she doesn't care at all about me or anyone else right now. After that was all said and done, I went to bed. Not more than 5 hours later, my close female cousin woke me up to inform me that I'm "going" to hang out with her and several of her friends, meet a girlfriend of her's that I've been talking to for a good few weeks and head off to Friendly's for some ice cream. Well, a shower, a change of clothes and an hour later, I was on my way with her to grab her friend whom I wanted to meet. After that, we went to the grocery store, which was the "warm-up" phase for her friend and I. I didn't say too much at first, but I was quite energetic and despite my nerdiness, I just didn't care; I said anything that popped into my head. Eventually, I discovered that she's just like me in terms of humor, although not in a few other ways, but we'll get to that. My cousin picked out some things that she used to prepare and feed us chicken and bean burritos. They were fucking delicious burritos and I was stuffed by the time I finished the second one, despite not having eaten a damn thing for the rest of the day. An hour after that, we were off to Friendly's. The original plan was that we'd all split a single 12 scoop sundae, which would have been fine, but I was being hardcore. I ordered my own 12 scoop sundae and apparently, I was the first one to eat it entirely by myself at the Friendly's we went to. As you may have noticed by my choice of words, I did indeed finish it and it was delicious, but my cousin and her friend(s) didn't order a proper sundae and wound up wasting 90% of it, which got thrown away at the end of our Friendly's journey. We took pictures, which included a picture of the 4 of us (another of my cousin's friends came to meet us a bit later directly at Friendly's) and even our waitress, who was quite impressed with me. After that, the original 3 of us went back to her house for some Apples to Apples. Originally, my aunt and her best friend were going to join us, but my cousin invited the friend who met us at Friendly's and her husband over instead. We all played the game for a while and when they left at around 1AM, her other friend showed up seemingly unexpectedly. Little did I know, she'd been texting her all night. That said, we all cleaned up, went downstairs and acted like obnoxious 13 year-olds until 4:30AM. It was absolutely fantastic. I had a great time. After everyone else fell asleep, though, I laid there crying for a while. I stopped and thought about the girl I like, the situation with her, my life, my friends; everything. No one else heard me, but I kinda' wish I would've had someone to hold; anyone. I would have loved to sleep with someone in my arms and just cry all night. Eventually, I fell asleep for about an hour, then we all woke up so that my cousin's friend could go get her newest tattoo started and completed. I ran upstairs to take a shit, drain the snake and shower in a handful of minutes, which worked out well. I had no change of clothes, so that sucked, but I was still okay. After leaving, we were at the the tattoo place for like 4 hours. I was getting really bored and eventually, my "partner in crime" of the day ran off with a familiar face she ran into, so I had no one to share my stupid jokes with. From there, we eventually went back to my cousin's place, where my Uncle picked me up, then we came back to my house, where I changed my shirt real quick. From here, we went out to The DuClaw in Baltimore City, where we had a few delicious beers. I tried 10 different beers with The DuClaw's "Sampler" setup, but only after drinking a pint of "Hellraiser". They brew their own stuff, so that's pretty much the theme of the place. That aside, we talked about things, goofed around, made some jokes and eventually, he dropped me off at home. After I came home, I realized that I had nothing to eat and also that my Uncle made some seemingly valid and logical pointes about the girl I like. Had I been sober, I wouldn't have seen it that way, but I'm buzzing, so I didn't think twice. I talked to the girl I like, which ultimately led me into the direction of even more depressing emotions than I experienced previously. She never liked me, never will like me and led me on. It's that simple. I second-guessed myself for a minute and it caused a bunch of shitty emotions. Whatever. At least now I know a few things coming out of the past 2 days.
1 - My cousin's friends are fantastic, especially the one I've been talking to for a while. Honestly, she's too different in a few important ways for me to ever really date her, but she's a hilarious girl and I enjoy having her around. She makes me laugh..a lot.
2 - The girl I like is not a girl that I should like. I need to forget about her, move on with life and pretend that she never existed. I'm starting to see the big picture. The rose colored glasses are starting to come off. I'm chipping away at the perfect image I had in my head and the dark colors are starting to shine through. It's time to move on.
3 - My best friend's friend; the girl that I rarely see, as previously stated, is a great girl. She's dealt with me rambling like an idiot for the past few days and she's been nothing short of sweet. If I could, I'd take her into my arms and hug her just to show her how much she means to me. I barely know her, though, so that would be weird.
4 - Life sucks more dick than a gay parade. No offense to those of the same-sex preference out there; it's just an expression. Anyway, negative as this statement may be, I mean it in a positive way. Everyone deals with shit like this and I'm not alone. Eventually, I'll get over this shit and probably look back on this, thinking I was a stupid asshat. Regardless of that, life is just what it is and I have to take it as it come.
5 - Alcohol is the cause of and solution to all of man's problems. I need to drink more often again. I was never happier than when I was a party animal. We'll see what happens, I guess?
On that note, I'm done writing for now because I'm buzzed, talking to people, tired and fucked up. Being drunk, depressed and down just isn't cool. Maybe I'll be better soon. Maybe I just need to spend more time with cool people, learn to live and love again and then forget about the bad people. I wont know what to do until the time comes to make my choice. Take care.