Random junk.

Xbox Live is being an asshole. It may just be my router, but for some reason, I keep having trouble playing "Left 4 Dead" if I'm hosting in any form. I may have to make the swap and hook everything up to the D-Link wired/wireless router. I'm pretty sure the problem is rooted in the router setup, so I'll have to try it sometime or another. On that note, I played some more "Call of Duty: World at War", talked to a buddy of mine about reviewing for the site and focused my attention on my computer, where something strange, yet interesting and confusing happened. You see, my ex-girlfriend from Australia was pregnant for our entire relationship, even back when I first met her. I accepted it and I was cool with it. That shouldn't ever stop you from loving someone, ya' know? Well, she had a miscarriage. It's extremely sad and honestly, it hurt me to find out about it. I wont lie about it at all. I cried extensively for a few days and hid it from everyone. I was depressed and didn't tell anyone. I was happy for her and I wanted to father that child, to be completely honest with you. At one point in time, I would have stopped at nothing to be there for that child. Anyhow, despite that, the point is an interesting thought that I had. We had some serious arguments, disagreements and other problems that ultimately led to our breakup. The feelings are still there and if it were realistically possible and she could prove that everything is cool now for a few months, I'd be with her in a heartbeat. The problem is that she has to be tested for a few months, but even after that, she lives in Australia and I highly doubt that she would seriously ever come over here to America. The process of getting a Visa that allows her to live her permanently or even just to work is ridiculous, expensive and time consuming. The same would apply to me for me if I were going to Australia to be with her. It's a rather difficult thing to deal with and I don't know how possible it is for that sorta' thing to work out. So, all of that aside, I've been doing some research, both in real-life to girls I know who have been through pregnancy and by way of search engines and plenty of websites with forums. It's very common for girls to be absolutely batshit insane and even fucked up or mean as hell during pregnancy. Therefor, I think that Kristy's hormones are back to normal and she may actually be showing her true, down-to-earth and lively colors to me for the first time since I've known her. She's more talkative, active, hilarious and just very, very into me. She was never like this, aside from a brief period near the beginning before we were actually "together". If she can remain like this for a month or two, there's a good chance that we'd succeed in being a good couple indefinitely. If we can get over that hurdle, the distance is going to be problematic. That's going to be a real pain in the ass. I really don't think I want to go down that road again. It's exhausting and really fucking difficult. As much as I'd love to be with her, I just don't know if it's the right thing to do. I don't know if it's healthy. My life could be completely fucked if I do that and I don't know if I can handle another let-down or breakup like that right now. I may seriously have to control myself, keep her at bay a bit and try not to let her get too close. As difficult as that's going to be, it may be the only proper way to persue this. With that, I need to go for the time being. Treading carefully, I'm off for now. Thanks for reading. Take care.

-SM