I talked to the girl I like, our mutual friend, another friend, my Australian ex-girlfriend, another friend, yet another friend and played FFXI briefly with another friend. In summary, last night was fucked up. Not only did I have a terribly bad day, but I wound up making the girl I like very upset. Everything is is out in the open, everything is setup properly and it's official that I'm NOT going to try to be with her anymore. From now on, it's a friend thing and I'm happy with that, despite the fact that I do want more and probably always will want more with this specific person. But whatever. I honestly love her, no matter what people may say or think about it. I wont get over that, but I can learn to accept it and deal with it. I'm not hopeful and I'm definitely not crossing my fingers, but who knows? Maybe someday she'll realize it and give me a real chance. I doubt it, but who knows? Also, my Australian ex is fucking weird. I don't understand her. She's back and forth about wanting to be friends, among other things. What's her deal? Why can't she just leave me alone or something, ya' know? I'll always love her in a different way, but I never want to be with her again. It can't happen. It wont work out. It's not GOING to happen. Whatever. Anyway, the point is, I had more conversations with people, sorted some things out, started the recovery process and hopefully pulled myself out of this crazy situation. We'll find out in due time, but for now, I'm still fucked up, in a lot of pain and waiting it out. I'm taking off so I can do things to create more to write about for you crazy people! I'll be back later! Take care!
-SM
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